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Husband Without Values - How To Manage?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Reesha, Apr 15, 2019.

  1. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Bronze IL'ite

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    Wow amazing. I could have written ur post. My husband does not talk about anything except work around the house as though I am a nanny or cleaner or cook. No friendly talks in 8 years. He also does not talk about anything except yell at me about mistakes I have done around the house , things that’s I have not done whether other people are watching or not. But he is fine with kids especially daughter. He asks her to do grown up things which he should be asking me to do like laundry shopping etc. ( only 7 years old ). So he does not like to communicate with me he is just telling me what to do by using kids.
     
  2. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Bronze IL'ite

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    I have similar problems as the OP. But i quit my job after baby was born. And since then he taunts me that I am freely living in his house and have come to his house for food boarding and lodging. ( he has never given me money or a credit card. Any expense I pay with my own money which u earned at my previous job ). But I’m running out of money. So planning on working again.

    But when I start working again I can see similarities with OPS husband. How should I manage my money. How to keep it secret from him. I live in us. How to share expenses. Please advise. I just worked like 8 months after marriage. Did not give him money. Most of the money I had been using till now was from before marriage. Which has saved me till now.
     
  3. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear OP.

    Congratulations on your newborn.

    It is quite clear from this post and many of your other posts that your marriage life is one roller coaster ride. With a kind of husband who has no respect and love for his wife, but way too much fear and respect for his folks, things can get its worst form down the line.
    There are ample signs and indications that your husband and his family have shown their stands, and are clear in what they do.
    But it doesn't mean you have lost it.

    Be tactful. Find a way to be self-dependent and face this battle with confidence.

    Hire some bits of help, like a part-time nanny or a domestic helper. Don't depend on your H to do the job for you. Just go ahead and find the helpers through your sources. Be prepared to make the payments from your pockets. After all, you are financially independent and this is what your salary is for.

    For sure, your MIL would taunt you. Criticize your decision. She will make your H go against it, and he will obviously dance as per her tunes. Don't care. Don't budge to what they say. Be firm in your decision, and have handy reasons to back it.

    And yes, if they ask to get out... Just move out of the house immediately.
    It doesn't mean the end of your marriage. It just means telling your H and his folks that you have self-respect and you value it more than anything.
    It also teaches your children about your worth.

    If at all, your H values your existence as a person, as a mother to his children if not as a love of his life, I am sure he will come back apologizing. I am sure he will miss you. This way, you can set some ground rules, and live with dignity. Obviously, your H and his folks will respect it.

    However, there is a tiny chance that your H can let you go. He can forget about you for life. If he is egoistic and if his ego is much bigger than his affection, then he may go for the big D. Never mind. You dont need a egoistic husband who cares nothing about your sanity in life. Such husbands are a life long pain.

    This is high time that you stand on your own grounds, and decide.
     
    Reesha and SinghManisha like this.
  4. Reesha

    Reesha Silver IL'ite

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    No, not divorced, still not left, but staying at moms place. i think your situation is worst than me. be calm and be confident. try to move away from your husband until you get ur own earning
     
  5. ramya8085

    ramya8085 Bronze IL'ite

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    your husband is a messed up human , period. even the hardcore men who never open their emotionally will be easy on their wives who just had a baby. here in usa they will book ticket for wife mom, because wife will be secure to her mom and rest

    you need solid rest for next 6 - 8 weeks away from household works.

    i cannot suggest anything.

    all i know is people never change, unless their actions cause them huge pain.
     

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