Husband-wife Relationship...still Exists???

In many houses, this is the story.
Emotional bonding is also important as sex.

 

What you are describing is the life of an nri family. Nothing odd or abnormal about it. I feel actually all is well with your family that’s the good news. You are feeling like this because you feel profoundly out of place. If you fix that part, rest of picture will come back into focus.

We are not robots to blindly just keep repeating same things. It is human to stop and question -what is this, where am I headed... do I really want to go there.
Because you are an NRI and have so many things working correctly and in place you have the luxury of indulging this kind of self questioning and resetting. This is normal.
Take advantage of it.
Once you figure this out all will go back to normal don’t worry about it.

 

Life of IT workers is the same in India as well. It is quite possible for a IT-wife and mom staying at home in a suburban villa (far outside the city) and twiddling her fingers all day. However in India, so many things dont work like they are supposed to, and it will keep her occupied all day. And at the end of the day... she is as pooped as her poopsie. [why is poopsie a term of endearment in America?] and glad that he is not making any demands on the romantic front.
I remember that old song in raga Hindolam "Kya kahe kaise kahe..."

 

Ladies, please enlighten me here.

I really don't understand certain parts of this post, and the responses.. and especially when everyone appreciate such responses here.

@anika987 is yet to be 40, and from her other posts, I sensed that she is very young at mind, and healthy.
Is it really OK to live in a sexless marriage for a long time?
What about her sex drives and needs?
I understand that she is from a very conservative Indian woman, who wouldn't wander outside for sex.
Is it OK to suppress this important need?

And my point here is, how come a woman's sexual need can be met by doing Yoga or any other activity like changing curtains and bed sheets?

I mean, there should be an underlying reason behind prolonged sexless marriage. You can't address it by mere interior decor.

We had sex at times when our previous home was dusty and dirty (after returning from a long vacation)
And we also had sex when our small kids were sleeping next to us
We had sex when I was pregnant, and when things were not so great at home front.
It is a physical need like hunger and thirsty.

I would eat better if my home is clean and presented nicely.
I would eat better if I am at the best of my emotions (happy, pride all)
But it doesn't mean I would starve if the above is missing. I would still eat when I am sad, and the home is untidy.
Got me???

If I am starving from food, then there should be some serious underlying reason... Same goes for sex too.

On the other hand, she is talking about lack of emotional connect between herself and her spouse.
I could see some light if she follows some of the responses above.
But there is a long way to go. Even if that takes a long journey, it is worth the effort.

 

It is clearly showing that what she wants and has been missing in @anika987's life. I Don't support or advice the idea of look outside for sex but in confusion like you how she balances or forget her sexual and emotional vaccum with occuping herself in doing other activities? I am in hesitatiin to put my thoughts here finally, you posted. Thank you for your bold step and I like your open mindedness, maturity in handling sensitive issues.

 

Anika, You are not wrong in expecting interaction and companionship from the husband. Isn’t that what marriage is for ? Spirituality and self dependence is good but what is a marriage with no interaction ? Things get busy as parents but one can still spend meal times catching up, texting each other and many other ways.
I don’t think you should feel bad about wanting anything else from him because you have financial freedom etc. you are lonely in this marriage and you need to correct that.
This needs to be addressed ASAP because your husband is super comfortable with this set up. Ask him to take off from work one day when kids are at school and go for a long lunch. Talk and pour your heart out. Tell him this is important for you because you are at the point of questioning the validity of this marriage . That is a big thing.

Not getting any attention from the husband can be crushing for the self esteem. Do you think your depression and other issues could be because of that?

Let us know how things work out. I have been through similar situations and nudging the husband has worked sometimes.

 

I agree with you for the most part ! Intimacy and emotional connect are both missing here and so important for a marriage . The lack of emotional connect needs to be fixed first before the intimacy issues can be addressed.
I have to admit I was surprised to see some responses too. It seemed like she has financial freedom and a cushy life and is being ungrateful in complaining about lack of attention from the husband. Why not address these issues instead of shoving them aside with new drapes, curtains , meditation etc. ?