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Husband who ignores

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by niyathi123, Jul 8, 2013.

  1. Jul 8, 2013 #1
    niyathi123

    niyathi123 Bronze IL'ite

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    I m married for 9 yrs, too many ups and downs. I have a 1 yr old now, I work and have a live in maid who is also his distant relative. Maid is decent now, i have no complaints from her. I have regular guests and my house is full house 10 months a year. My husband on purpose ignores me while his siblings, parents are there for 10 months a year and rest of the time he talks to maid, and again ignores me. I dont cook since i take care of my son.

    People who come and stay are all from his side, my side hardly i have people 4 days a year. His distant relatives, uncles come stay for 15 days at a stretch, house is turned into a guest house.

    We never have any personal talks for weeks or months together. I m fine with it, but i m irritated with his cunning behavior. He makes it obvious in front of even maid that he is ignoring me and there no use of my existence here in the house. I have spoken about it to him in every possible way, but he is doing it on purpose kind of sadist. Please help me how to handle him tactically i should not be affected by him, but from inside i m hurt.
     
    niyathi123, Jul 8, 2013
    niyathi123, Jul 8, 2013
    #1
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  2. Jul 8, 2013 #2
    internet

    internet Silver IL'ite

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    First totally put an end to the inflow of relatives traffic into your house. You h may be ignoring you, but remember one thing your are his wife and you have equal rights in your house. No one will remind you of your position strength as a wife becoz when H and W have difference people take a lot of advantage. Guesthouse have to turned back to your house. If he is using that maid to ignore you , you also use the same tactic. Why do you need a live in maid? You can have a maid who comes to clean and leave after everyday's work. Since he is using that live in maid to ignore you, then ask that maid not to work. Fire her and hire a new maid who just comes and cleans the house. You cook food and keep very less food for your H. You can torture him silently like that.
     
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2013
    internet, Jul 8, 2013
    internet, Jul 8, 2013
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  3. Jul 8, 2013 #3
    beanstalk

    beanstalk Gold IL'ite

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    My suggestion would be similar to the post above. I think since he knows maid too well, he thinks everything is managed by him or on his own and you are not in the picture apart from kids and your marriage or dependence. Get a maid on your own and one that favors you. Also minimize the inflow of guests. How can you two get close when there is so little time you actually have true privacy.
     
    beanstalk, Jul 8, 2013
    beanstalk, Jul 8, 2013
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  4. Jul 9, 2013 #4
    niyathi123

    niyathi123 Bronze IL'ite

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    Guests i cant keep a check on them, even though i dont talk to them or entertain them my H give 200% entertainment to them, so they are least bothered. People know i dont want them there still they come here, worst than animals.

    I have a 1 yr old, and i work from home, so i need a maid. Its not the case with only this maid, my H can mingle and ignore me with any other maid i bring in. I have seen this when there was a cook who used to come for 30min a day.

    My H is a cunning fox. I m unable to be at peace. He emotionally and mentally puts me down.
     
    niyathi123, Jul 9, 2013
    niyathi123, Jul 9, 2013
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  5. Jul 9, 2013 #5
    rohinipriya21

    rohinipriya21 Silver IL'ite

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    Y dont you be cunning n criminal just like him.Try to live like him.This is called Tit for tat.Then only u can survive baby.
     
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2013
    rohinipriya21, Jul 9, 2013
    rohinipriya21, Jul 9, 2013
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  6. Jul 9, 2013 #6
    niyathi123

    niyathi123 Bronze IL'ite

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    Yes i should try hard to be like him.. it does not come naturally to me.
     
    niyathi123, Jul 9, 2013
    niyathi123, Jul 9, 2013
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  7. Jul 9, 2013 #7
    sacredbell

    sacredbell Silver IL'ite

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    In my opinion, presence of guests at home on a regular basis might be affecting your personal space.
    Control the guests.

    Try to find some activities which can be done ''together'' with your husband and get indulged. Some social activities may bring some mental satisfaction as well as recognition from society.

    Plan some vacation to a hill station or resort for a weekend. Spend some quality time ''together''. That will definitely improve the situation. Do such things at least once in a month.

    May God bless you,
     
    sacredbell, Jul 9, 2013
    sacredbell, Jul 9, 2013
    #7
  8. Jul 9, 2013 #8
    priyamuthan

    priyamuthan Senior IL'ite

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    Agree with above post. Just think about activities/movies/tv serials together. Try vacationing with him or alone. Impose baby stuff on him sometimes. Try to spend more time for yourself-alone or with friends. Give some babys work to maid/guests-no harm in tht. Ask his uncles/aunts to take the baby for walking or ask them to come for walking with you. Once you control guests and maid and your husband gets responsibility sense-I think then you'll be able to get your personal space & respect. Nothing comes readymade even your right/respect-go, grab it!
    Take care...
     
    priyamuthan, Jul 9, 2013
    priyamuthan, Jul 9, 2013
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