1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Husband watching adult movies and chatting with girls

Discussion in 'Intimacy' started by fragrance, Oct 3, 2013.

  1. fragrance

    fragrance New IL'ite

    Messages:
    67
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Female
    This problem started 3 yrs after we got married. We've married for 12 yrs now. I saw adult content sites on my computer. I confronted my husband. He repented and said wont do it again. After sometime I caught him chatting with a girl just normal chat but using dear, beauty and sweet words. I told him I don't like this. He said he treats her like a sister but he said if u don't like it I will not talk to her. Then I saw that he registered with a marriage site with his picture He said he did it for fun. I asked him if he understood what will happen if any relatives see it. He said that no he is sorry. I trusted him. Over the years slowly my trust returned. After this only twice I caught **** on our computer and he once told me maybe his brother might have gone by mistake and another time he said when he clicked on cricket or game sites it came by mistake. I trusted him.
    Now a few days back I caught his chats with a girl. First it was general chat. Then slowly he is asking her to talk to her by phone. Telling her gorgeous, sweety and sweet talk. Later he was asking about virtual sex, if there is any site as he is feeling hot. He told her that he did not have sex for 10 days as wife is out of town, when 4 days back we had and I was right in the house.
    After that the girl said that "do it with that lady with whom u do". I did not understand what she meant by this sentence. When I asked him he said that he does not know y she said like that.
    He replied that stupid girl that was my wife. I don't go outside to other women. Then she did not reply and logged off.
    After this there were no more conversations.


    When I confronted him he admitted his mistake, repented and said he will not do it again.


    Now I m so confused. What to do. Shud I divorce him. I thought of leaving him for a few days but I can't do that now. The day after I confronted him he fell in the bathroom and as he is immobile and cannot move, I have to tend to him.


    Pls advice
     
    Loading...

  2. bhuvnidhi

    bhuvnidhi IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    3,273
    Likes Received:
    1,905
    Trophy Points:
    308
    Gender:
    Female
    And you believed it.Is it any funny??????I would not say it is a "trust" from your side but you were "foolish".I do not find any reason why anyone would want to live with such a person.
     
    6 people like this.
  3. simpleMom

    simpleMom Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    901
    Likes Received:
    797
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    You are catching him again, again and again..... It does not seem to stop. If I were you, I would ask myself this question - whether it is worth staying with a man that is lying to me, hurting me and perhaps damaging my self respect.
     
    Last edited: Oct 3, 2013
    1 person likes this.
  4. Radhai

    Radhai Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,760
    Likes Received:
    4,258
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    he cheats , you find out, he admits, you forgive.
    then he cheats, you find out, he admits, u forgive.
    high time that one of you should change the pattern.
     
    4 people like this.
  5. anjananathan

    anjananathan Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,061
    Likes Received:
    728
    Trophy Points:
    208
    Gender:
    Female
    this is not at all correct and he is taking you for granted.. online chatting with other ladies and registering in marriage site is no fun..no sane married man will do this..

    if i was you, i would have walked away after giving a tight slap..
     
    1 person likes this.
  6. Radhai

    Radhai Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,760
    Likes Received:
    4,258
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    yeah rite. it will make him regret plus that assures you company while you regret for your 'tit for tat' acts. one stone 2 birds!
     
  7. luckysangeetha

    luckysangeetha Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    960
    Likes Received:
    960
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    See I will say you its simple...

    The question of morality comes for humans and it has been imposed on the society... basically when we see we all are animals and we need sex.... And animals don't take the commitment of marriage and they find a partner when they need sex and stay with the kid born for some time and leaves them... but as we are humans and having sixth sense and emotions we have created a blanket of moral values and stick to one partner... All the more deep inside we like to have sex with different person because ""lust"" is still inside us but the point of" "LOVE"" is not there when we keep changing partner and look for mate for the fun.... Just don't get irritated and you guys talk calmly and ask him what's lacking in-between the marriage and what needs now to save the marriage or he wants it to broke... throw the question to him and ask him to come back after two to three days...

    ITS THE PROBLEM OF LUST AND LOVE IS LACKING

    TIT FOR TAT WILL NOT WORK IN THIS DONT DO IT
     
    2 people like this.
  8. sumalynux

    sumalynux IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,515
    Likes Received:
    2,763
    Trophy Points:
    325
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear OP

    I understand all this acts makes feel weird and upsetting...

    IS he good husband in other ways, and a good dad ??

    Can you spice up your romance life ?? Take him to counselling if required..

    He might have some sexual fantasy, but the way he is trying to fulfill it is definitely wrong...

    You know him better, if you feel is good in other ways why divorce, try working out in possible ways.
     
  9. asha_ram

    asha_ram Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    121
    Likes Received:
    67
    Trophy Points:
    68
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi

    I feel you both shud have an open talk and ask him what he misses in ur intimate life. ask him what shud be done to prolong this marriage relationship and tell him calmly that if these things continue for the next time that will be the end of the relationship and you will be telling abt this to all at his home probably ur MIL & FIL. take him for a good counselling...I believe this is most important to make his mind clear and strong.

    Tell him how he will feel if you or ur kids ( if they r grownups) do the same...

    You also personally groom urself and dress up looking appealing. I have seen lots of women loose interest in make-up/ personal care after they are married/ getting kids.

    Hope & pray your problems get solved and u lead a happy life.
     
  10. fragrance

    fragrance New IL'ite

    Messages:
    67
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks for ur responses. Asha ram I can understand there has been lacking from my side sometimes. I have put on weight and I have 2 kids youngest 3 yr old so sometimes with housework and children's needs I don't get time to look after myself. But is that the reason to chat with other girls.
    problem is now I m thinking farther things also like if he is chatting and going to marriage sites, maybe he is going and having sex with them or phone sex. I m going mad thinking about this. Maybe physically he has cheated on me. He is denying and saying that it was one moment of madness when he asked about virtual sex but how can I trust him now.

    otherwise he is a good father, takes care of kids, their studies even if he is very busy,only sometimes he is very busy which is natural. When I m sick he takes care of me, will cook or bring something even if I tell him no. In my and his family everyone looks upto him, ideal husband they think.

    i have time and again told him I don't like his chatting with girls online. School and college friends who r girls r ok. He sometimes flirts to a limit with them, but in front of me. I told him I know u mean well and u do in front of me but if u do behind my back what will I think.
    how do I stop my thoughts that he has had sex with that girl. I can't even go to my parents place for few days so I m all confused.
     
    Last edited: Oct 3, 2013

Share This Page