Husband Wants To Manage Money

First thing is dont ever give that money which your parents gave as dowry to your husband.

Secondly are you working now? If not can you start working and invest in a property in your name if possible.

And you told that your co sister had house warming recently, was it with the help of your money? If so demand them that it’s your money and you need it back. But this can happen only if you and your DH are in same pages. If he is not interested then it’s very difficult for them to return that money.

I’m sure your inlaws will never return that money and it’s also possible that they might help your BIL and his family.

Calmly speak to your DH that money your parents gave is for future expenses for kids education and so on. You don’t like to invest that on such things as you cannot predict the markets.

Keep forcing him to ask your inlaws about the money. You can tell him to buy some land or property with that money instead of simply leaving with your inlaws.You can earn lakhs together if you sell that land.

 

Just say NO to him whenever he says he can manage your money given by your parents. Its gift for you &kids and dont allow anyone to play with it.
Let him bring back the money he has given to his family, then only you will think about sharing money in your name. Tell him that way. But I feel that these kind if arguments lead to more fights.

You are an adult you can manage your money very well. Keep in fixed deposit for many years. You may get less interest but you dont loose money by investing in risky methods. Be confident about your ability to manage your money. Just listen and dont respond. Take control of your finances, save money in your name. If he say anything about it, tell him you dont want to talk about it then ask him what happened to the money you guys saved. Try to be financially independent and save everything in your name, till you gain some confidence in him. Till then say NO.Be firm on it, let him call your parents or whatever. Go to silent mode if he gets angry. Let him shout as much as he want. But if you give in and give money he will keep on doing the same. Never give money if he shout at you.

When you are relaxed and if you think you can talk in composed way, only then discuss your concerns with him ,that too only when he is in calm state. Also tell him kids are learning from him and request to avoid arguments in front of kids or not to drag parents into it. It doesn't mean you need to give him money. Dont yield to his demands. He can save his money, if so, you too can.

Last but not the least, dont mix the past issues with this current issue of your money. Treat it separate. No need to blame his parents. Your husband is not a kid, he knows what he did and its consequence. He also knows that his anger mode is making you yield in. I feel it's his tactic. That's what you have to break. Don't allow anyone to treat you bad. Be firm with it. Just show him you dont care a bit when he treats you bad and try to be happy with your kids. Focus on your life, try to find a job if you can and be independent. Be strong and confident.

 

very well said and good piece of advice @Rihana

 

3 is a good advice really. OP, money is money, it's better to multiply it, then let it fester in a bank account especially if it is a huge sum. With time, it won't have any value. What Rihana said is 100% true. Either you do the management or let him do it for you. Don't let money create a rift between you two.

 

@Rihana has shared very valid points, especially the need to focus on the marriage than money now.

I think OP is worried that her money will be given to his parents to manage. May be completely stopping any talk about the money he has given to parents will be a good try. When ever he talks about it, just be be empathetic and request him not to talk about it as if you are not interested in it. Once he notice that you are not after that money, he may come back to you. [Please ignore my comments above on asking about the money he has given to his parents. Rest are ok. I thought it was earned by you not him. Just now realised that he only worked during that time. In that case it's not good to ask about it. I feel that your dh didn't expect these kind of events and asking about it create a guilty feeling in him and can create more issues]. No one likes to hear any complaints about their own parents even if they know that something is not right.

Till then discussing about money or investment can wait as it may lead to fights. Gaining confidence in each other and building a team is important now than money. In future, if you decide to invest money somewhere make sure your name is on it and you have full access to it. But do it only when you are fully convinced about it. The decision should be done by you but not imposed on you by him. Exploring about investment options are not a bad idea. Try your level best not to argue or fight in front of kids. Big No to any kind of verbal abuse.

 

Op.... Six yearsand a child on ,your husband does not involve you in his finances . He does what he wants.It would have been nice if he had bought the house on joint name....but that is not the way he thinks.

Do not give him your money to manage.
Let him learn to manage his money ( without in laws interference) ....before he thinks about managing the money earned by your parents.

Be smart. Stop acting like a helpless damsel in distress. Learn about money .
Put half your money in Fds and invest the rest . Take your dad's help and advice . If husband is willing to advice,take it ,but invest in your name .
You can add his name when he puts your name in his investments.
Do all this without any drama.

As for the rest....it does not matter.
Mil called her parents....does it matter?
Lesser such people interact with your parents,better it is.
You call your parents for your pujas.

The money given to your in laws is lost. Tell your husband that once and tell him you both should not bring it up any more and spoil your moods. Say it in a calm voice and a smile. Let him think about it all on his own.

Most importantly, try to get a job .Even a part time one.
If that is not possible now with a young child.....study. improve your qualification while you are taking care of the young one.

 

your husband is very immature. he needs to understand who is family and who is extended family. do not share money access till you in your heart know he is working towards his family and his kid.

do not criticize his mother. blood is thicker all the time. he will go more away from you than come closer to you. find ways to bond with him and more important he should bond with you .

let those co-sisters issue slide, those are emotional issues . it might look big to you as a woman. in long run you are facing bigger issue like your H is not thinking how to grow his family and plan for his kid.