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Husband wants to become more religious - should we go back to India?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by cheer, May 15, 2006.

  1. cheer

    cheer Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Ladies,



    I’m tensed for last couple of months & don’t know what to do. Reason for my tension is, Right now we’re in <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:eek:ffice:smarttags" /><st1:country-region><st1:place>Canada</st1:place></st1:country-region>, been here for couple of years, This was my hubby decision to come to <st1:country-region><st1:place>Canada</st1:place></st1:country-region> & settle down here. But now I don’t know for last couple of months (around 9 mths), he is become more religious, spend most of his time in meditation, reading religious books etc, we’re satsangi's & now he wants to go back to India & spend his rest of the life in Bhakti & Seeva.



    But I don’t want to go to <st1:country-region><st1:place>India</st1:place></st1:country-region> back, he just wants to earn basic there & spend rest of the time in satsang. I spoke to him but no use. Now ladies what u should think I have to do, I have some options or let me know other options



    1) I’m working lady, earn so so money for basic life. Do I have to stay here??? But the think is I really love my hubby so much & I can’t think to live without him & another thing nobody is here, my family is in back <st1:country-region><st1:place>India</st1:place></st1:country-region>.

    2) Go with him but then there life will be hell for me & the whole life I’ll feel that I did wrong decision.

    3) Or stay here sometime & afterwards if I feel to go back to <st1:country-region><st1:place>India</st1:place></st1:country-region> then will join him.



    Thing is his background (I mean financially) is not very strong. I am honest & always supportive to him. & coming to <st1:country-region><st1:place>Canada</st1:place></st1:country-region> was his decision, although I was not want to come that time. But now he doesn’t want to understand my feelings. We have no kids yet. Plz ladies Help me. I’m very tensed, I need u gals opinion.



    Eagerly waiting for <st1:City><st1:place>ur</st1:place></st1:City> response
     
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  2. sudhavnarasimhan

    sudhavnarasimhan Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,

    I can understand your desperation....i really cannot understand your husband's passion, maybe it i sshort lived or he is sincerely devoted to this way f life, only time will tell.
    I feel that you are the best person to make a decision at this point! If your heart says that you should stay back and then later join him, then do so...at least you have tried to do it and later you need not regret ! But it will need a lot of mutual understanding and strong will power to stick to your decisions. So think thoroughly on all th epros and cons and take a step!
    I don't have much experience in these matters to advise , just what i felt i would have advised my daughter if she was in a similar situation, was what i am putting down..
    Await for some more experienced advises....
    Take care, and Chin up, Cheers...
     
  3. safa

    safa Bronze IL'ite

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    dear cheer,

    i don't have such experience in life, though i think it is better you go with him.
    since you are working and so you can find a job there . and your family is there, you will get support from them. if you leave him alone some times his mind will fully turn towards the religious matters, it might be good, but it will affect your life.
    you don't have kids yet, and don't worry about finanicial problems, live with him and if you work that problem would be solved.
     
  4. friends2b

    friends2b New IL'ite

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    Hi Cheer,

    I am sure you must be going through so much confusion and tension, and taking any decision would be such a big task. It's your personal choice, but I would suggest don't leave your husband. I am sure things will work out with time.

    Take care and be happy.
     
  5. sonia

    sonia Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi

    hi cheer,

    here is my suggestion...............

    i think u shd go wd ur husband.In India there r so many ppl who r religious.they r very much involved in satsang n seva n on d other hand they r living a luxurious life.
    when ur hubby will see all this then he can understand dat he can also do seva n satsung n at d same time he can live a good life.U will also b able to convince him by giving example of others.In India there r so many night time n weekend satsangs where he can go.

    the other point is ..........
    u wrote dat ur hubby wants to earn for basic n u r working so u can also get good job there.so,u can live a good life there in India.moreover ur family is also there to support u.

    hope it is helpful.
    best of luck
    sonia
     
  6. ridhi23

    ridhi23 New IL'ite

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    Another Alternative

    Hi Cheer,
    The situation u re in is quite complicated and any wrong step can ruin your happiness. So do not take any step in haste. I was once talking to my docter here and we just jumped on t this generic topic. She told me that she sees soo many indian and other non-american patients every day... she said the people who move to USA or canada from places like india, become more religious after they come here than they were in India. The reason she gave was that such people feel a loss of identity in a foreign country and the only thing they hold on to as a part od their personality/identity is their religion. Hence they become over religious. Its the case with soo many of us...when i was in India, the only festivals that existed for me were diwali, Holi etc..and that too for the fun part of it and not the religious aspect! But now when i'm in america, I celebrate each and every big and small festival in the most religious way I can..like doing puja, making the traditional dishes etc... It is because I feel scared I might loose my identity and cultue here if I just let go...
    Now coming to your situation, I feel the best thing u can try to do right now is to be diplomatic. i have seen that sometimes men get stubborn and just want their spouse to comply with their unjustified demands..and if the wife opposes, they become even more adament. Let him know that u love him and value his feelings towards religion. Take part in his religious activities..Infact show more interest than him in such things...even if u have to act.. This will give him an assurance that u , the woman of the house is very religious and his culture is safe with u... also ask him to go to the local temple/gurudwara and do sewa and satsang there... he will be surprized to see how many people do that here.... trust me..there is nothing u can not do here that u can do in India...be it practicing your religion too...
    I hop this helps you... Im not sure how far this will help u but theres just one thing i want to say...dont panic and dont take any decision in haste .

    Regards
    Ridhima
     
  7. sunkan

    sunkan Gold IL'ite

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    hai cheer having a name like that u should be cheerful

    hai cheer,
    having a name like that u must be cheerful....some places in the world r known for fertility problem and canada is one among them....so please follow ur husband come back and i am sure u will conceive and the concentration towards god and the family will be equalised and u will have more support from both family....so dont worry come back and another thing if u have to live abroad again u may go tooo...cheer up....go with him as u love him so much..take life as it comes dont panick.....regards sunkan
     
  8. Varloo

    Varloo Gold IL'ite

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    No haste, please

    Dear Cheer,
    ridhi is right. Now festivals here means finishing rituals quickly and sitting in front of tv to watch filmy programmes. Cooking specially for the family is also taking a back seat.
    My friend's brother was like that 20 years back. They were in India only, he wanted his marriage to be a simple one and his wife should wear only cotton saree for wedding etc. His mother took everything from the girl's side without his knowing. He led a pious life, doing yoga and pooja, wearing only khadar vesti etc. After sometime, he stopped all these and now he is in a top position in a finance organisation, had postings abroad, eats very very well, freaks out and also drinks a lot. He goes on world tour for holidays and enjoys life.
    I feel that, you could ask your hubby to lead a pious life there itself at first. Then he will realise the difficulty. If he is serious even ater that, you could try pious life (both of you) in India for sometime and then decide if it would suit you. So think well before any decision and make temporary arrangements to see how it is. Then you can finalise. But staying away from him may not be good.
    With warm wishes,
    varloo
     
  9. meenaprakash

    meenaprakash Silver IL'ite

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    pls cheer up.......

    Dear Cheer,

    Everyone of us have some problem or the other to face at diff times & the truth is, this phase shall pass too.

    What is your priority??
    what are you gonna do alone in an alien country?? is it for work & money ??
    are you making enough money there??
    Do you believe you could make a little fortune working for some more time??
    Can you stay alone?? Can you stay away from your hubby??
    Do you think your hubby will regret his decision and come back for sure??? Is that one of the reason why you want to stay there??
    How is he as a person?? who is behind his sudden change???
    won't your family or your in-laws family's intervention help you???

    whatever you decide, just be strong & move forward confidently.

    Also, remember, leaving everything and following your hubby won't make you the BEST/GOOD WIFE and at the same time, deciding to stay away alone in Canada won't make you a WORST/BAD WIFE.

    Just take a practical & realistic decision than an emotional one.

    think of these questions. answer yourself. If you still feel you shld stay back then try and convince your hubby. Promise him that you both shall stay only for a year or so & then go back together. I don't know if he's in a position to understand your love.

    Pls don't plan for a kid now & that would only lead to more problems and you'll never enjoy the responsibility that comes along with it.
     
    1 person likes this.
  10. Thooral Mazhai

    Thooral Mazhai New IL'ite

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    most new desi immigrants in <st1:country-region><st1:place>canada</st1:place></st1:country-region> go through similar situations. the reasons are many.. your hubby's educational qualifications are not recognised in <st1:country-region><st1:place>canada</st1:place></st1:country-region>. he is forced to do labour jobs to survive. he is suffering from cultural shock. he had too much expectations of <st1:country-region><st1:place>canada</st1:place></st1:country-region>. his wife is earning more than him. he don’t have social / family rapport. etc. on such situation people becoming more religious is common thing. usually it will take 2 to 3 yrs to get settled in <st1:country-region><st1:place>canada</st1:place></st1:country-region>. i think your hubby's real problem is tht he don’t have a good job and to make things worse he is not blessed with kids.
    if he really think tht satsang more important than his life he is really having a psychological problem. why don’t you ask your satsang group leader to dilute u r hobby's passion for religious belief. as you are respecting his goals and decisions he too are bound to respect your decisions in life. i suggest you to stay back and then join him after an year. things will change as time passes.
     
    Last edited: May 16, 2006

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