Husband Verses Parents

May be he does not want you to get their support when things very wrong next time. .

This should be a point in your counseling sessions if you are still going .

He should not controlling your interactions nor you should cut your parents off from your and your kids life .

You need to get agreement on this point that you will be maintaining the contact with your parents . He is the one who has the issue , so he needs to work his way to engage himself without bothering you when you meet your parents.

These things if you give in now , it will become a rule . You may asked to cut off the relation completely and many people do it too to protect marriages . It is you who need decide if your husband is that important to cut parents of your life .

You should continue to call , if it helps you can do it in his absence , you should start going without your husband . When he says leave your child and go assert your rights in child and also your parents rights to interact with heir grand child . He can choose to stay back and enjoy his alone time .

 

Hi, BB! I was reading your post along with my husband, and if you don't mind, he will also share his opinion.
My opinion: First of all, I remember all your posts and it's hard for me to not be biased against your husband. I don't feel like giving him second chances, but I will make an effort. Passive aggressiveness is also a form of control, a form of emotional abuse. His tries to gain his power over you by being nasty when you talk to your parents and you are already giving in his selfish demands. No judgement here, you just try to keep the home peaceful. However, you should understand that if you keep giving in, his behavior will not get better because he knows that these cheap tricks work with you. I would recommend to be calm, but firm. Keep talking to your parents, and ignore his behavior. Your parents are very important part of your and your kid's life and no one has a right to stand between you. Believe me, over time he will realize that his manipulative behavior doesn't work with you anymore. Very likely, he will find some other way to manipulate you because the problem is not your parents, but his selfish and controlling nature.

Ravi's opinion: Hello, BhumiBabe. I'm sorry that your husband behaves like an immature 5-year old, not a man. Kindly remind him that the reason you are still with him is your father and this is also the reason why he sees "his" son every day. Just for this reason, he has to touch your dad's feet and thank him every time he is around.
I don't know the story of your marriage, but from this one post I take that your husband doesn't respect you and doesn't care for your feelings. The majority of Indian women will bend backwards to compromise in a marriage, but what did he do to keep this marriage happy? Tell him that this is the compromise he has to make to make this marriage work. What kind of man wouldn't let his son to see his grandparents and his wife visit her parents? Only a pathetic a**hole with serious ego issues. He is not worth of you compromising so much for him. If he doesn't like you visiting your own parents, this is only his problem and he does need a counselor to convey this to him

We hope you find a right solution and good luck from both of us!!!

 

Thank you for your kind words, BB. I hope my comment doesn't sound too pessimistic, I truly you and your little one happiness. This is great that you don't sacrifice yourself anymore. I feel like in this situation the best shot would be to resume the counseling if it was helpful. Maybe the counselor will get to the root of why your husband doesn't like your father so much. Maybe the counselor will help him understand how his actions impact you and his son.
If the forum rules permit it, I will attach this surprisingly good WikiHow article about passive-aggressive relationship. Maybe you will find something helpful here for yourself
How to Deal with a Passive Aggressive Relationship

 

Hi @BhumiBabe

I feel that I can relate to you in a lot of ways. Having been brought up in a western country for a big chunk of my formative years and then married someone who was born and brought up in India I guess our stories have some big similarities. I've followed your posts for the most part and feel that the animosity your husband has against your father is probably because he resents the power/influence your dad has in your life, specifically in your continuing in this marriage like you said. It sounds like a bit of an ego clash and we know how big egos are for Indian men. It's unfortunate that he can't let it go. I'm really tempted to ask how you are still putting up with him or why. But of course, it's easy to preach and advise but at the end of the day, divorce is only a last resort. I think it's great that you guys are giving it a real go again but at the same time, it's really important that BOTH of you are equally committed to this second chance. Is your husband really going out of his way to make it work like you are? He seems to be consciously getting between your son and his grandparents. How come he has such a problem with your folks spending time with your son or staying at your place but it's totally fine for his own parents to be there for months at a time? Is that not a double standard? I'm not saying that as a criticism towards his folks, they seem rather supportive and understanding actually. But this guy seriously needs some tough love and a reality check

 

The answers to that why question are usually present in the persons involved in the situation. And often these are never laid out in the open, perhaps because these are not all that clear-cut and apparent. There is a nebulous, and fuzzy cost/benefit tussle in their own minds. Or... some think of it as the remaining equity in the marriage, like in a balance-sheet equation: Assets-Liabilities = Equity
There has to be redeeming qualities for things to hang together, and not split apart.