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Husband Too Much Of Calls Affecting Married Life

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by cutepoojitha, Jan 19, 2018.

  1. cutepoojitha

    cutepoojitha Bronze IL'ite

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    hello friends,
    I am here with a problem which require your suggestion, we have been married for 5 yrs with a toddler both of us full time working staying in USA. My problem is my husband makes too much of calls to his family daily we go to office at 8 am reach home by 6 pm tired. My husband daily calls his brother and his parents , his brother is in usa with a different time zone and parents in India, these video calls goes for almost 30-45 mins each to his brother and parents close to 1.5 hour a day. I will be cooking in kitchen doing chores by the time video calls are done each and every minute detail of our life is narrated to them, then my sons skips dinner and he is tired ready to sleep, my work will be slogged i feel like finishing my work by 8 pm and spend some time with my kid by playing with him and get relaxed. It is never going to be possible in my life. Weekends are hell for me morning and evening calls . If i say dont call too much he get offended, my bil is not interested to talk to my husband daily i can sense that he never calls us in my 5 yrs of married life he called less than 5 times but my husband 5x365 days plus 6 times weekend. If some one comes our home as soon as they step out of door calls start, i am getting irritated even i love my family back in india but i have never troubled my husband like this. My mil will take an hour long class of child raising daily what should we feed him what should we play with him point to point i am getting irritated. Mil will never give personal space every thjng should run according to her i dont feel like i am in USa i literally feel i am in a joint family what to do?
     
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  2. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    Blame Alexander Graham Bell ! He started it all !
    Tell the husband you are tired and doing dishes is his job . Stick to the rule.
    Focus on your and child’s dinner as soon as you get home. Then retire to your room early with the kid.
    Let him finish the two hour phone calls and then be greeted by a sink full of dirty dishes. He will automatically reduce the duration of his calls .
     
    Laks09, BhumiBabe, Rihana and 9 others like this.
  3. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Your husband has too much time on his hand.
    You are both working so why is he so free?
    Give him chores. May be he can take some tips from his mother and be more of a caregiver to the children instead of just talking.

    Ten years and still you can't tell him that by telling people about everything going on in your life ,he is invading your privacy . Tell him you feel like you are in the ' big boss ' house.Tell him to stop broadcasting about your life.He can bore them with his life and keep your life out of it.

    Stop walking on egg shells all the time. Stop being scared of fights and arguments. Ten years is a long time . What kind of peace are you getting by keeping quiet if you feel so helpless and stiffled in your own house.


    Your husband is a very immature man .tell him to grow up.
     
    Last edited: Jan 19, 2018
  4. MonikaSG

    MonikaSG Platinum IL'ite

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    You can also do like take the phone when he is about to end the call and talk to her mom up to the time your husband finish rest of the work and tell him please dear do this I really enjoying your mom's company.
     
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  5. amunique

    amunique Gold IL'ite

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    yeah have to see the outcome in this case!! :)
     
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  6. Sangeeta85

    Sangeeta85 Gold IL'ite

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    As sandycandy suggested give your husband some work .. let him feed the kid too..or when they r talking just go n ask loud did he help the kid eat or say ur mil it's dinner time will call u guys later .. ask ur husband if u will call ur parents every evening then how the things will fall apart.. u work so ask him to help before it gets a habit..
    my hubby got use to it I know how many arguments n many times his bro n dad I had to show how they help.. so don't wait
     
    cutepoojitha and sumalynux like this.
  7. cutepoojitha

    cutepoojitha Bronze IL'ite

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    Thank you Sangeetha for your suggestion but MIL wants kid to be present in call, he is small get distracted easily and ignore eating dinner. More over I get irritated to listen their Gyan all the time giving suggestions of how to raise a kid 24x7 once in a while it is Okay but all the time Do this Do that. Things are much changed now we were raised differently in a different country altogether. Here he goes to day care and eats some of the food there which is quite different from the food in India and MIL keeps taunting on that .
     
  8. cutepoojitha

    cutepoojitha Bronze IL'ite

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    I dont have time to do that and dont have patience after a long tiring day to listen and answer their Taunts. So I started playing a deaf ear, but now I feel so bad if my son is skipping dinner and I am absolutely not getting time to play with him.
     
  9. cutepoojitha

    cutepoojitha Bronze IL'ite

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    Thank you friends for all your suggestions, I will try some of the tips you have given.I am not insecure about my relationship with my husband, even he shares with me every thing he is pretty open kind of person. But what makes me angry is most of the time is going in this calls which are good for nothing. Instead he can make a call every weekend and talk for hours at a stretch. My inlaws have no personal life though they dont be in touch with any relatives or go out or any where all the time their focus is on son family which is in different timezone in a different country.They want each and every detail to be updated to them and my son is listening to all that stuff in video calls and some of the things I dont want him to listen. One more thing which makes me scary was my MIL gives each and every instruction for how to lead a daily life and some times my husband differ her opinion and Say NO we will do certain things in Certain way, then she wont listen she will force and then my husband gets irritated and Say "No I will do this way only". By seeing all this daily I dont know what my son will learn "Not to Obey parents" he might come to us in future and say "Did you listen to your parent?". I know some of my MIL instructions are unreasonable which are not possible to follow. One more thing I dont like is since they are talking too much on phone and she is controlling us too much some things their conversations go out of track and my husband starts yelling. I dont want my son to learn all this. Even If I differ my opinion with my husband i will not share it with him before my son, he is too small now but I think kids will understand fast :-o
     
  10. poovai

    poovai Platinum IL'ite

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    Touchy subject...

    Personally, it is hard to change the person? If it is get to the point, they rather "live with their phone"???

    I believe, Phone calls are meant for few min. to exchange quick information; I don't carry cell phone, I joke instead 'I take my DH' with me.

    DH lives with his phone 24x7, sleeps next to it. I "lock" him in the basement with his phone! (he is allowed to use phone only in the basement).

    I refused to be in the car with him, if he is talking over the phone. It drives me nuts when someone is yapping over phone ....all the time, let it be in car/home/office.

    I cannot change my DH. But, I can put him in cellar until he figures out "he is in time-out zone".

    Sorry, no solution.
     
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2018

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