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Husband statement that he will not say anything to his mother even she is 100% wrong

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by deepika9594, Jun 27, 2014.

  1. deepika9594

    deepika9594 New IL'ite

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    I complain about my mother in law to my husband and he way that he will not tell her anything even if she is 100% wrong i will tell you only to apologies because she is his mother she has given a birth to him.
    than Wife is for what purpose Husband doestn at all value me
     
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  2. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: Husband statement that he will not say anything to his mother even she is 100% wr

    Tell him "she did not give birth to me or take pains to bring me up....so I don't have to take this from her."
     
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  3. deepika9594

    deepika9594 New IL'ite

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    Re: Husband statement that he will not say anything to his mother even she is 100% wr

    you are right yellowmango but after hearing this statment from my husband i am totally broken up i just think why the hell he got married to me if he dont want to value me
     
  4. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: Husband statement that he will not say anything to his mother even she is 100% wr

    Ask him that in a calm and normal time...not when he is asking you to apologize.Even if he does ask you to apologize.....you can tell him you will apologize when you are wrong...not otherwise...again,in a calm but firm voice.

    Most importantly.....don't complain to him about little things.Deal with them yourself in a respectful but firm way. Tell husband only if something big happens that you can't deal with. If you complain often...he will not take you seriously and consider it nagging.
     
    Last edited: Jun 27, 2014
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  5. JustLikeYou

    JustLikeYou Gold IL'ite

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    Re: Husband statement that he will not say anything to his mother even she is 100% wr

    Dont complain about her to your husband. Deal with her yourself.
    Dont apologize unless it's your mistake. Be assertive infront of your MIL and husband.

    Your husband has to understand that you are not complaining and you are assertive at the same time reasonable.
     
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  6. neetugtb

    neetugtb Silver IL'ite

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    Re: Husband statement that he will not say anything to his mother even she is 100% wr

    Oh dear, take up this ques. sometime, would the other way around also be ok to him? Your parents gave you birth, raised you and sent you to live at your husband's home forever, even if unintentionally, they did something wrong would he treat the matter in the same manner?
    As for your MIL, one has to fight her own battles. Even if your husband supports you, he cannot be there all the time, though his interference on some major issues may reduce your MIL's aggressive behaviour towards you. There are matters on which one can adjust but you have to draw a line somewhere as others have suggested.
     
  7. Nd123

    Nd123 Gold IL'ite

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    Re: Husband statement that he will not say anything to his mother even she is 100% wr

    Your husband should give you the same courtesy and not to tell you anything if you do something wrong.

    And then use the mouth that God gave you and stand up for yourself. Be polite but firm. Stop looking for support from him.
    Tell your husband that a lot of things will be more pleasant and acceptable for his mom, coming from him rather than you. But if doesn't care about that, then you will handle it your way.
     
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  8. Anamika99

    Anamika99 Gold IL'ite

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    Re: Husband statement that he will not say anything to his mother even she is 100% wr

    How long have you been married ? - that plays a role. Unfortunately we have to establish our repo as wife and as DIL.

    What was the matter?

    May be you try telling him in a concerned way and not in a complaint way
     
  9. RADIODOC679

    RADIODOC679 Gold IL'ite

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    Re: Husband statement that he will not say anything to his mother even she is 100% wr

    DEar Op!
    Unfortunately you are dealing with a syndrome affecting 99% Indian men called MUMMY SYNDROME-according to this his mum is alwyas right,rest are wrong,mum is always to be respected even if she is rude to others,He is alwyas newborn to his mum even though ne may be 80 years old.We all are dealing with this .Instead of taking the Bull head on it will be better if you slowly wean away his mom's influence-Will take tremendous patience& time but worth it in the end-Are you willing?
     
  10. cheenu123

    cheenu123 Gold IL'ite

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    Re: Husband statement that he will not say anything to his mother even she is 100% wr

    Dear OP,

    I empathize with you. I feel very blessed that I have a very loving and humble DH but yes, when it comes to his mom, even when I am discussing very trivial issues, he gets defensive. No matter what happens, he will always give justification for his mother's behavior, always.
    There have been times when after months of months & some incident, if he and I are having some tiff he would tell me that I am very hurt because you said this to my mom, or that about my mom, a few months back!!
    Earlier, I had a great difficulty comprehending this fact and his behavior but over time, I have ACCEPTED. Mine is an arranged marriage and by god's grace, i have got a very nice husband. I believe for everything we have to pay a price so I keep telling myself that my DH is soooo nice to me, and i return the only thins that he expects of me is that I should be nice to his mother. Still at time I find it extremely difficult to stick to this theory but I try hard.
     
    Last edited: Jun 28, 2014
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