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Husband Sleeps In A Different Room ?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by EagerForInfo, Dec 26, 2018.

  1. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Gold IL'ite

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    hello

    Ever since my in laws came to visit us when we bought a new house in the US 5 years ago my husband sleeps in a different room. He says when kids are in the same room we should not sleep together. At first I thought it wa normal since he talks with his parents and family at that time in the night but now I’m fed up. Probably in 5 years we slept together for a month. That too on his wish. My youngest baby is now no longer a newborn and he’s growing up and will be in school to pretty soon when he turns 3. But not even one single night he was there to help me with night time feedings. Even when I was pregnant ( with the youngest baby) I used to sleep all alone even to get a glass of water at night I used to wobble off the bed with great effort in the night. My baby is not a great sleeper. I have asked him several times to help him put him to bed as I heard the kids sleep better with dads. But no. I’m starting to get irritated. Please tell me ur opinions about this situation. When we bought this house we were married for only 2 and a half years. Now it’s almost 8 years of married life. Am I hoping for something that will never happen.
     
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  2. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    I am not sure what the problem is.
    You Have a new house with several rooms to sleep in.
    And your husband sleeps in one, you sleep in another, your children sleep in another, etc....
    That is all very good. But what is the problem ?
    If you want to sleep some nights with your husband, just go to him, and find out whether he'd mind if you hopped in for a while.

    Lots of things might make people want to sleep on their own. The biggest reason or issue would be the freedom to break wind whenever they want. And your dH might want to do it without bothering your sleep. Post the details of what your family's diet is for a typical day.

    As they say... give it a rest.
     
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  3. parvathi1980

    parvathi1980 Platinum IL'ite

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    I think he does not want to deal with crying kids and any work related to the children. You need to have a chat with him. Five years is a long time.
     
  4. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Gold IL'ite

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    So does that seem right to u? Do any husbands do that ? Just leave the wife with the kids and have fun watching movies and sleeping like a bachelor in another room ?
     
  5. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    I will be more worried if there no intimacy. Take control of your life. Go and sleep with him whenever you feel like doing so. Make sure your kids sleep atleast by 8.30pm and try to spend time with him every day. You can also do the same. Leave kids with him and do whatever you want to do. You posted here because its creating some resentment in your mind. So have a face to face talk with him on his topic. Inform him now onwards you will sleep with him and not with kids. Just do it. Only then you will understand what's going on..
     
    Last edited: Dec 31, 2018
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  6. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Gold IL'ite

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    he says husband and wife should not sleep in the same room as kidsare sleeping. ( I sleep with the kids as one is little toddler and the other one is sick a lot and having them in the same room lets me catch it when she is getting sick) but why he goes to sleep with my 7 year old daughter if she sleeps in the different room? Is that not the same? I just don't get it. I simply dont get it. He does not talkto me politely either. Always finds something to complain about... cleaning dishes, house vacuuming something or the other. Does not talk about ANYTHING except things I have done wrong or not done. no communication at all. He used to sleep in the same room but he just shifted to sleep in anohter room. I feel lonely. Married but all alone. single handedly managing kids. He does not call, he does not do anything but hes sooo socialble with everyone else.

    there are uneducated wives, wives who do not cook, clean, arrogant wives. are all their husbands the same?
     
  7. agdimple333

    agdimple333 Junior IL'ite

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    I am in same boat and realized it very late.
    H starts thinking differently of wives after kid(s) which is very confusing to us. And also imo because of the lack of intimacy, their behavior changes towards us.
    Probably to deal with your issues i think you will have to manage to let kids go to sleep early and then move to his room. I would suggest if its absolute that you have to sleep with kids, then at least go for few hrs in the night and then switch back. I know its a lot of hard work on us specially when there is no help.
    But Instead of mentally & emotionally destroying yourself, why not give a try.
     
  8. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Gold IL'ite

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    what do you mean by it is too late? What happened to you? Its not fair. it is not fair . Is that the only reason they married us? Then how he can sleep with my daughter for company? Can he not sleep in the same room as a family even if there is no intimacy? there are tons of indian families where husband wife and kids sleep in the same bed. Now we have 3 beds in the same room! one for kids and one for us and one extra one. cant he sleep in the same room instead of going into a different room and leave me like an orphan. It is not fair.! I feel all alone and abandoned.
     
  9. agdimple333

    agdimple333 Junior IL'ite

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    I meant i realized it very late that sleeping in separate rooms is deteriment to marriage.
     
  10. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Gold IL'ite

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    Please delete ur post and stop side tracking my post. Please posst it in another form or thread or create a new one.
     
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