1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Husband planning to leave me alone...help me friends

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by meenu25, Jul 25, 2011.

  1. meenu25

    meenu25 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    72
    Likes Received:
    4
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Female
    hi friends,
    i don't know to whom i share my problem....we got married at 2008..we both are working in Chennai...my father and my in laws are in Coimbatore.

    He is planning to search a job in Coimbatore...he has a interview tom in cbe. ...if he got a job there na ...what he said he'll stay with their house in coimbatore for a year and alternate weekend he 'll come to chennai ...'ll go there remainin weekends nu...

    I'm very afraid of staying alone here...i can't stay without him here...i told him 'll also search a job there n come nu...but he said no ...u 'll stay here itself ...after a year 'll get a job in Chennai and come back nu ...

    Don't know what to do...if we are living separately and he is staying with his parents na it 'll create lot of problem between us...and one more thing we are trying for a baby last 6 months...but we did not get positive result....my age is 25...he s 31...

    my mom s no more to share my feelings ...I'm sure this loneliness 'll kill me soon....
    I'm totally depressed ...i hope this ladies 'll help me to take good decision ..please
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 27, 2011
    1 person likes this.
    Loading...

  2. Jananikrithsan

    Jananikrithsan Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,161
    Likes Received:
    129
    Trophy Points:
    128
    Gender:
    Female
    Don't let him know you are anxious, you will be without a doubt! Handle it carefully and see that you move along with him! Or another ploy is let him go and see if you can get a transfer! About the babay some women get married at 25! All is not lost!
     
  3. omnam

    omnam Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,055
    Likes Received:
    564
    Trophy Points:
    208
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi OP,

    Why is it he want this kind of family set-up? Why is it he looked for job in Comibatore only? Is there any work he has there which will take a year!!! There must be some reason. He should have explained you for the reason of his movement for one year.

    You have to make him understand that you are afraid of being alone. Cant sleep at night, which will hamper your health and job.

    Also its not easy to travel in alternative weeks. Can be very tiring.

    As of now, kid can wait, you are just 25. Since he is planning to move for a year, it will difficult for you to manage alone with kid or being pregnant.


    Good luck.
     
  4. vdeepab4u

    vdeepab4u Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,395
    Likes Received:
    484
    Trophy Points:
    158
    Gender:
    Female
    If you are 100% confident about his trustworthy, then you can agree what he says, that is, visiting at the week ends. You can make friendly relationship with your inlaws and keep track on him. If your trust is reduced even by 1% then its better you be with him either in chennai or coimbatore. If he has already worked in chennai, then he may try for some other jobs in chennai itself, why CBE ? But due to cost of living or something else, he decided to move to CBE, then without any reason he should take you with him. You can consult this with elders in your family also. Keep them updated. Decide correctly and move on. Good luck!
     
  5. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,921
    Likes Received:
    2,474
    Trophy Points:
    308
    Gender:
    Female
    Tell your DH that both of you have to live together, he can choose the city.
    Delay having a baby as right now you are not sure of him and his intentions.
    Take leave and stay with him for sometime so that you can strengthen your bonds with him and also find out why he wants a year of separation.
     
  6. Kalpanadr

    Kalpanadr New IL'ite

    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Something is wrong…
     
  7. ars

    ars Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,599
    Likes Received:
    750
    Trophy Points:
    208
    Gender:
    Female
    Is he planning on divorce. Need a year of separate address to go to court I think.
    Strange a spouse saying let's work in different cities and stay separate just for a year without any valid reasons.
     
  8. plakshmi

    plakshmi Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    740
    Likes Received:
    341
    Trophy Points:
    138
    Gender:
    Female
    hi dear

    first do not lose confidence. since your father is also in CBE you get your fathers help. Talk to your dh reason for searching a job in CBE . But there are lot of job opportunities in chennai only than in CBE. please do not leave him alone or keep track of him with the help of friends or relatives.
    Be bold.
    Lakshmi
     
  9. cj1980

    cj1980 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    794
    Likes Received:
    597
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear Meenu,

    A husband and wife should live together... That's why you get married in the first place! Extraordinary circumstances may warrant a temporary separation, but your post does not indicate any tough situation that is forcing your hubby to stay away from you.

    Here are a few questions to ask:

    1. WHY does your hubby want to move to CBE? Is he getting a better offer there? If yes, what's preventing him from moving there with you?
    2. What is your ILs opinion? Are they supporting him in his decision? If yes, there could be more happening behind the scenes and you need to get a clearer picture of the true motives behind the move.
    3. Have you discussed having a baby with him? Does he really want one now? I know this is a personal question, so you don't have to respond to it on this forum! Just ask yourself and check if your hubby is keen on it. If not, this entire "finding job in cbe for a year" could be a way of postponing having a baby...

    While I understand you're afraid to stay alone and can't live without him, I don't think you need to explain why you and your hubby have to live together! You are both husband and wife and you guys have to stay together. Period.

    You don't have to get suspicious or jump to any conclusions. Just sit down with your hubby and ask him to explain the rationale behind his decision. Tell him categorically that whether he works in chennai or in CBE, you guys are staying together. Long-distance relationships are very complicated and difficult to handle and one year is too long to live separate. If he comes back to chennai after a year, I am sure you can find a job again.

    I hope you're able to sort through this situation in a calm manner. Don't feel upset or lonely...you have a lot of women on this forum to help you thru any difficulty!

    Regards,
    Carol
     
    1 person likes this.
  10. Manonmaniraja

    Manonmaniraja New IL'ite

    Messages:
    29
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    6
    Gender:
    Female
    This is called 7th year Itch. He will be alright and join back with you if at all both of you have sweetest memories and he had enjoyed the times with you, if not he will not come back.

    Your conscience will tell you how he was all these days with you, of course you would have quarrels and problems, but at the outset, how did both of you spend most of the days, that is the deciding factor now.

    Since you are a working women and have a baby on hand, don't worry he will come back, but you should stand and prove your self that you are a confident girl.. which your heart knows and no one can judge you based on your inputs.

    You are the best judge for yourself, If you want I can arrange for some councellors in Chennai as I am also from Chennai, I feel the situation and wish to help you, if at all you are interested.

    Good Luck,
     

Share This Page