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husband not talkative !!! how to make relationship work

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by kritka, Dec 11, 2011.

  1. Saumyamom

    Saumyamom Silver IL'ite

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    Loved the last resort..ha ha ha
     
  2. Jananikrithsan

    Jananikrithsan Gold IL'ite

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    Living abroad if both of you talk who will listen, unless he does not respond to your banter also then there is nothing to worry dear! I have had fiends who are a riot outside but prefer to maintain a kind of silence in the house , you can initiate talks or just chat, whatever you think might get hm out of the silent mode!
    Good luck!
     
  3. prachii

    prachii New IL'ite

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    Maybe your husband is an introvert or shy/scared of women. The responsibility of making him open up lies upon you - how about joining him in what he does, giving him lots of praises (heart-felt, not fake ones) and letting him explain you how to play one of those games. As you slowlly start talking baout the games then you can talk about other topics of HIS interest as well and find out what you have in common. Or once you know his other areas of interest, organise a special surprise for him in that area. Good luck
     
  4. kritka

    kritka Junior IL'ite

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    HI aLL,

    i TRIED little tricks here and there and have been a little sucessful though .Okay let me speak my husband has no friends none at all at present .We go out sometimes but not too often .He doesnt like to go to parties etc or socialize.He is too much into himself.I explanied my problem to him he said I dont have anything to talk to u .U feel the need more so u have to strike a conversation etc .When I get a lot bored with stuff since right now I am looking for jobs but had not been sucessful today I shouted at him .He said u need treatment from pyshciatrist for such a nuissance behaviour .We are not even friends to the next couple here because of his nature etc.Ladies frankly tell me have O got mad .Is this a very small problem which is taling toll over my life .I know life is full of husbands who beat there wives etc .but he is a decent guy as I told u earlier .
    Is it my mistake or Am I looking too much into it ?I mean creating an issue


    regards,

    Krithka
     
  5. SSC

    SSC Platinum IL'ite

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    Ridiculous! The initial years of marriage are very important in building a strong bond between the couple.. How else are you supposed to understand him if he doesnt speak out??


    No, its a pretty normal expectation - expecting your spouse to talk to you, about his likes, dislikes, opinions and the like. I do not have any suggestions. It is normal to want to be emotionally connected to your partner!
     
  6. superwoman09

    superwoman09 Gold IL'ite

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    Well, people are different. From my personal experience, I can say that. My DH is a real talkative person outside of the house, but at home he is just quiet. Initially I used to be angry about this. When I told him about it, he said "main aisa hi hoon. I hardly talk at home." It is a fact and I didnt realize it when we were in India coz ours is a joint family and I had my in-laws to talk to. I realized this only when we went to US and we were alone. To add to it, he had a stressful time at work, used to be gone from 7 in the morning and return back only after 10 pm. To get out of his stress, he used to come hom and play games on the laptop. He is an avid gamer and uses it as a means of releiving the stress". Hang in there...Its probably his nature..Rather than worrying about the fact that he does not talk, u keep urself busy, pick up hobbies, make new friends. At the same time, try to keep normal conversation going on with him or u will go apart.
     
  7. Arunarc

    Arunarc Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hello Krithka
    He has no friends it is fine. doesn't he has some collegues where he works, there must be someone with who he is comfortable with. Even my DH doesn't like parties and I just love to freak around. Do have a party with just one family in the beginning, and see to it that this family too has some interests that your dh has. It is ok even that family doesn't have anything in common. But you invite your friends. Do try this atleast once.
    Even if he is not interested in speaking, you go on speaking to him, there will be a day that he too will speak out. Keep telling some interesting things that happened in the day let it be the silliest one do speak out. If he doesn't make friends you make frineds with your neighbours, invite them, even you go to they house, there might be that he might not accompany you. But you go, and keep going. You give some excuse to them but don't insult him in front of people he will not like it.
    My dear you are not doing any mistake nor are you expecting anything more, but sometimes we need to shake these guys. And make them realise even without you I can enjoy my life. When you already know that your hubby is decent and he loves you. Why you want to be worried.....
    When he is at home go out for shopping with your friends you develop your friends circle. He will slowly start missing you not seeing you around he will surely start thinking, am I doing some mistake not accompanying her?? he need to realise and he needs to miss you too as much as you are missing. Sometimes these guys don't know how to express they feelings, you need to teach them slowly, take everystep carefully. Both of you don't need pyshciatrist only thing you both need is to express your feelings for each other. It will take time, you are in such a place where you don't have anyone to intefer in your personal matters and this is the right place to make him realise as it will not take much time for you.
    They hate to go out but you make it a point that you go atleast once in a week with him for shopping, tell him this is not there that is not there at home come we will go and get it, and I am in need of it. You pull him out.
    You have played your game well my dear, keep in mind not to make him get angry, even if he is angry after 5 minute even if you are not on the wrong side go and tell him sorry and do hug him. This will make wonders.
    Do plan a romantic dinner at home just for 2 of you.
     
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  8. vchelluri

    vchelluri Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Kritka,
    People are different and all men are not talkative and all men are not silent. My father used to be buried in books all the time (he is a lecturer by profession). I could rarely imagine days, my parents talking to each other. I too got his nature but had lots of expectations after marriage. I was really hoping DH to be talkative and initiate me to join him but I found one just like me. I wanted to change myself but left frustrated with no idea of how to make it up. We rarely have common interests too and he is least interested in going out for parties or going out to hotels or shopping. Both of us didn't have a friend circle. He used to engross himself infront of the computer as soon as he reaches home from office and I used to feel boring but didn't get enough to think about it as kids came into our lives early and I was busy with them. Now kids being on their own, needing less help of mine, am having some time and now getting bored again. We had a talk on that and have developed a common hobby of playing shuttle every now and then or going out just for a walk with kids or to nearby parks. Kids will be enjoying themselves and we will be enjoying the nature together. Sometimes he will assist me in cooking as it is his favourite hobby.
    So it's better to try for a combined hobby or try to join your hubby in games or try to go out for a walk to nearby parks or simple walks enjoying nature. Once you go out you will get lot to talk on so many things and slowly he will talk once you initiate with any topic. But it is going to be a slow change and it needs lots of patience from your side. Till then try to know his behaviour, hobbies, tastes more and don't make yourself go crazy thinking lot on this issue. As you go on thinking and thinking, seeming no way to change his attitude instantly, it will definitely drive you go mad. So be patient and in your continuous efforts in finding one way or the other will definitely yield nice results slowly.

    Regards,
    Latha.
     
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  9. unhappywife

    unhappywife Silver IL'ite

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    Dear OP,

    Insisting him or forcing him to talk/communicate is going to make things worse. However, you got to stop his gaming addiction some way. If you force him or fight with him to stop playing and talk, he will definitely not do it. If he is addicted to the gaming on the weekdays after late night, make use of weekends. Plan for walks, temple visit or some shopping on the weekend. Make a special lunch in the weekend and enjoy together. Start intiating conversations rather than asking him to talk. Read news and have something to talk. If he is interested in movies, you talk about it. This way he will also start communicating. Order food outside and watch movies at home in the weekend. You have to do all these things slowly rather than pushing him into it. Hope this works. Engaging him in such activities will help in cutting down the gaming and computer usage slowly. Find out what else could be done to keep him occupied and try to do that to get him out of the computer.
     
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  10. kritka

    kritka Junior IL'ite

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    Dear All,

    I know I have to work on this ..but sometimes it like homework :(
     

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