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husband not talkative !!! how to make relationship work

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by kritka, Dec 11, 2011.

  1. kritka

    kritka Junior IL'ite

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    Hi thr

    my marriage has been 2 years old but i have not found a very taltative buddy ,he is hardly expressive.the best thing is to leave him a closed room with his lappy and games . what to do ? I face this problem on and off and it keeps me very frustated ...I just cook and we just talk some here and there.

    I started keeping my self busy with lots of hobbies etc but all the time this cannot work

    please suggest
     
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  2. IndianFunTube

    IndianFunTube New IL'ite

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    [JUSTIFY]
    How bout including gaming as one of your hobbies?! Tell your hubby you also want to play along with him. See his response. His response will let you know if his obsession with his laptop/games is a means to stay away from you. I can understand a man's love for gaming but not at the cost of spending some time with his wife. Something else seems to be the issue here. Check his response again and let us know.[/JUSTIFY]
     
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2011
  3. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    Have a frank conversation with hubby and tell him that you want his company for x hours everyday without laptop.
    Maybe he feels that you are happy this way as you have never complained.
    Some men are obtuse that way and need to be told that they live with a wife and not a room mate/housekeeper.
     
  4. Brinda1

    Brinda1 Bronze IL'ite

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    Also, you could ask for
    a) movie night once a week, preferably in theatre but even on laptop
    b) ask him to help you design a webpage for something that you do (some hobby) - might give you two a chance to talk about each of your passions
    c) try and go out more often to meet friends etc as a couple- maybe when he sees how other men are, he'll learn from them.

    D - if all else fails, have an argument, get the frustration out of your system, yell, shout, and make up for it afterwards with lot of loving. :)
     
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  5. Arunarc

    Arunarc Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hello Kritka

    Was he talkative before?? this is what you need to find out. My DH is a man with few words, we are maried for 22 years now but he loves me a lot. I too use to feel fed up with it, as I am very talkative and I always want someone to talk too. I developed my interest in some other things that keep me busy. Then I started having get togethers inviting his friends and they family home once in a while inviting my friends so that he keep mingling around with them.
    He still doesn't speak much but this way both can keep occupied in your own way. You need to have lot of patience, and work hard to make him do what you want. In a day just keep 10 minutes just for both of you to sit and speak what all you did for the day. And make this compulsory. let it be just before going to bed or after he comes from work give him time to settledown at home, during he is having his tea. Let him decide the time. And this is a must for every couple.
    Hope something works out for you. Some men are born with less words. Yes as one menber has mention you too join in the game that he plays. Develope your interests according to his tastes, then later the game is in your pocket. Life is a game play skillfully.
     
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  6. lathaviswa

    lathaviswa IL Hall of Fame

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    HI,

    Was he very talkative initially?
    Tell him about what you need.Check what are the common topics you both have.Mostly keep talking about the common things.You also join with him in games.During weekend you be with him itself don't leave him alone with his laptop.Ask him his help in kitchen during weekends.

    All the best.
     
  7. riyagan

    riyagan Gold IL'ite

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    talk to him about how u feel.. write a mail to him...sometimes it is more powerful than talks. generally, one wud hav to work hard in many ways to change one's habbit or nature which is inculcated by bad parents. don worry..men are somewhat to be moulded
     
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2011
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  8. lalaja

    lalaja New IL'ite

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    I agree with riyagan email and txt your feeling or send romantic messages and get dressed in romantic way as much as possible and he will come to you and get going...:)
     
  9. kritka

    kritka Junior IL'ite

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    thank you all for the suggestions will def try and work out something .

    kritka
     
  10. bellespree

    bellespree New IL'ite

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    Hi kritka,

    i guess he knows not how to start a communication or may be it never struck his mind.... Well i think u might knw by now wat topics or things interests him... When such topics or events cum up try about extending the conversation by askin him sumthing out of curiosity and then giving your inputs regarding the topic later on...

    Once started, try to keep a conversation going.. explore wat amazes him.. even u can jst comment upon his statement (or even his criticism ) in a manner which would keep the talk going in a healthy manner.. u can also try once expressing ur opinion to the currently started topic or conversation...

    Can also try doing something together which interests both of u like going to a movie, cooking, attending social gatherings, some sport, indoor games etc. Jst see that u keep the conversation going, by that u try n connect with him.. You have to be really active in taking up initiatives of such kind, be patient, observe and try to connect with him... And yes during all this, sure give him space when needed and catch up with him whenever u can...never downplay your own interests and hobbies u have already cultivated... as its always good to pursue wat makes u happy and keep going... all the best...
     

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