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Husband not interested in making love after 2nd child

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Raajeshwari, Jan 25, 2012.

  1. Raajeshwari

    Raajeshwari New IL'ite

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    Hi friends,
    I am a 30 years old married lady.I am an engineering graduate and working in a

    private concern .My husband is 37 years old and also an engineering graduate

    working for an private concern.He is a physically challenged man.
    Mine is a Love c arranged marriage.Our happy life started some 8 years back

    and now we have 2 kids(7 and 4 years)
    After our second child, the sexual interest is drastically reduced and it

    happens once in a month that too out of my interest..
    He wont initiate or induce me....
    Only i have to do....
    Three four times i do but after that i used to get frustration and i feel

    ashamed on myself.So i wont call him for sex..He wont bother about that..
    All extra things like movie,shopping n all will happen as usual...only problem

    is in bedroom.
    He wont share his office issues with me..99% at home he spend with

    computer.Only after i sleep with my kids in bedroom, he ll come inside.
    He spent some 15 to 20 min with kids.. for me that to a big noooo.

    Every month after my periods, 10 th day till 20, very tough days....
    I ll be longing for sex.But i wont get..
    I ll get more tension and i showed them on my children.(Could not show it in

    kitchen/cooking)(During morning tension,homeworks, etc...)

    Sometimes i used to ask him Why are you not interested in me? or sex?

    He said, you are so fat, and throwing hard words to children, shouting at

    them, ...so i m not getting mood....
    The answer killed me actually.After that i felt like divorcing him or part

    from his, so that he ll be happy.Because i love him soooo much .i want him to

    be happy always and i should not be a barrior for his happiness....

    I have some questions with me..
    Please guys save my life.
    Give some suggestions or advices.

    1)Are all male like this after 35 years?
    2) From starting of our love, i was fat, then why he is highlighting it now?
    3)All my tension,shoutings 75% because of unsatisfied sex.Why he is not

    understanding this?
    4)I feel, He is escaping from me not avoiding me.Why?
    5)Is his physical disability the reason for this?
    6)Is y sexual wish wrongthing?
    7)Monthly once sex with compulsion is right?

    Please friends, send me sugessions
    What should i do?
     
    2 people like this.
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  2. nemesis

    nemesis Platinum IL'ite

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    One thing is, when you are having a problem, dont create another.

    World is a small place, kindly use common nicknames; if you are using it then dont post too personal issues with exact facts(like age, childrens age, etc).
     
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  3. fencesitter

    fencesitter Platinum IL'ite

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    Obesity can be a turn off. Does he have any health issue like diabetes which can affect sex drive. Work on your figure and see whether it makes any difference? your husband should get a medical evaluation done.
     
  4. passionate89

    passionate89 Platinum IL'ite

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    1. Sudden decrease in sex may be due to medical issues as well... You both can once consult the doctor

    2. 78% of the men want their wife to maintain good structure. Try to reduce weight if you obese.

    3. Please do not show this irritation on your kids. Poor children they would get upset on you and would lead to some other problems.

    4. What ever may be the case always show love and care for your husband, most of your problem will end there.
     
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  5. SallyR

    SallyR Silver IL'ite

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    Is he into ****...do you know? I am just wondering because you said he spends a lot of time on computer.

    Don't shout at your kids because of your frustrations, it's not going to help anyone.
     
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  6. fencesitter

    fencesitter Platinum IL'ite

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    78 %? that is interesting stats!
     
  7. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    I would get upset to death if someone shouts on children.

    May be he is terrible upset the way you handling kids.Why don't you look inside of you.Why to punish small kids for it??
     
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  8. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Op
    I do not know what is norm and what is not inside the bedroom of couples. What I can tell you is that if
    a situation is bothering you enough to lead to frustration then yes something is not right.
    And it needs to be addressed.
    Intimacy is a very important part of married life...not just a means to procreate. In fact thats what separates a couple from every other relationship. Naturally the absence of it causes a lot of strain.
    That said each persons/couples needs are different. What works for one may not work for other.
    Obviously this is NOT working for you. If ur DH is not finding u attractive (Physical attraction is a significant part of it)the way he is handling it currently by avoiding you or by calling u fat is not the right way.

    Here is what I would suggest.
    1) Take his feedback constructively. (I know its hard.when u have been attacked personally )
    Try to lose some weight. Take up exercise and try to see if some modifications to diet is possible. U can consult someone professionally too. Its totally worth it. Try to see if u can make improvements in your wardrobe. Take your time to look good. Not for him not for a party but just for yourself. It improves our mood and that reflects in our personality

    2) Open a dialogue with him about wanting to spend more time with him (not necessarily sex)...
    Try to avoid talking about his disability.
    Hopefully things will improve for you.
     
    3 people like this.
  9. indianguy2010

    indianguy2010 IL Hall of Fame

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    No. Not at all.

    There have been lot many threads like yours, in IL, wherein the husband loses interest in physical sex with his wife. In real life also, occasionally , we can come across a couple where the husband's need of physical sex with the wife becomes far less than that of the wife.

    Nonetheless, the reality for the vast majority of the remaining couple is the reverse. That is, the wife losing interest in physical sex and the husband needing more sex than the wife.
     
  10. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear OP,
    First of all your DH is approaching middle age , you cannot expect him to behave like he was earlier.
    Why not put your kids in a separate room if possible?
    Maybe he is getting satisfied with **** on computer , no real woman can comptete with plastic ones.
    If your weight was not an issue earlier it should not be a problem now.
    You are a normal healthy lady , maybe your DH has low xxx drive.
     
    1 person likes this.

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