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Husband not giving enough time....

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Hubbysdarling, Apr 21, 2011.

  1. Hubbysdarling

    Hubbysdarling New IL'ite

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    Dear all,
    I am a silent reader of this forum and have got a lot of help from here,as I face most of the problems posted here.

    We stay abroad,I do not have any interfernce of my In-laws in my life.They stay in India,we visit them twice in a year.

    A lilltle ab't me:
    Mine is a love marraige.I had my share of ups and downs in life....I am a stay at home mommy to school going kids.

    My hubby:A good person at heart,spends well for us,buys me whatever i like....


    My daily routine...I send the kids school,cook,clean,do the laundry....and whatever is required of the house wife to do.....and dead tired by the end of the day,without ANY help from hubby.Even if ask for help he refuses to do any house work.He was born and brought up in an environment where Men dont do any house work..

    My problem:As soon as my hubby comes from office,I serve him dinner,then he gets glued to the T.V or the laptop,till sleep overcomes him...even if i sit beside him and try to talk ,he doesnt respond.

    He never ever interacts with the kids,they go to sleep before he comes home and in the morning he leaves before they wake up for school.
    On weekends he sleeps like crazy.He never cares or asks how they are doing at school,never takes me to Parent-teacher meetings(He says he'z v.busy at office)I single-handedly take care of everything.

    Even if my kids or me are sick i go to the hospital alone,and come back alone,he never bothers to ask what the doctor has said or prescribed.
    Even if I am burning with fever,he never takes a leave to be my side or warm up a glass of milk for me.He never cared for me during his pregnancies.If I ask him 'x' amount of money,he is ready to give it,but is never there for me emotionally.

    THE ONLY GOOD THING HE DOES IS TAKES US OUT FOR A DINNER ON WEEKEND,WHEN ALMOST THE WHOLE CITY IS CLOSED.

    After a long and tired day,i wud like to have a heart to heart talk with him,(ab't how our day was)with ofcourse a little bit of cuddling and coochi-cooing.Our sex life is v.poor....

    I have tried talking to him regarding this matter,but we always end up fighting,this is going on since our marraige.

    I have tried keeping myself busy,BUT I need his presence in my life.I need love and appreciation....for keeping his home like heaven,for taking care of our kids...
    This is going on for eight long years....NOW I AM FED UP OF MY LIFE,I NEED COMPANIONSHIP,
    Pls suggest what should be done regarding this matter.Am I asking too much??
     
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  2. suresh2559

    suresh2559 New IL'ite

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    May you should try to divert your attention and try to work a part time job. It may not be for the money, but just to keep you busy during the day time when the kids are at school. You could volunteer at the hospital or even at your kid's schools. If you are busy you will not see this as a problem. Best of luck.
     
  3. billybob

    billybob Gold IL'ite

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    Agree with suresh. Your spouse must be working hard to keep your present life style. If both of you work may be he can afford to cut back his hours. If your kids are school aged find some job irrespective of paycheck, can hire a maid once in a week to clean up. It looks like both of you are working are working hard, both of you are expecting to appreciate each other, but you are ending up in a fight. If your are tired of house work hire a maid at least once in 2 weeks.
     
  4. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi HD
    No dear...u are not expecting much at all .We all need that together time ,a nod of appreciation every now and then and a bit of love. If this were to be an arranged marriage I could understand but urs is a love marriage .At some point u were compatible and so in love that u decided to get married . Something changed since then...what? May be it is time to think about that .
    Or was he always this way and ur expectations of him change ?
    People with varying emotional make ups and diff ways of expressing care I can understand .. but what bothered me the most in ur post was that he is so distant with his own kids.....not asking about a his own kids visit to a doc is just not normal. I wish I had a suggestion for u ..I really wish...but dear I honestly feel something went wrong adn until we know that we cant fix this .
     
  5. Kimaya

    Kimaya Senior IL'ite

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    Hi

    I think this situation is not normal. You cannot be taking care of everything from home to kids without any support from you husband. Money is not the only thing he has to provide, he has to be there for his family always. I think you should think of what is improtant for you and choose any one task to start with. Maybe ask him to come for one parent teacher meeting or spend Saturday reading with the kids. If you just crib in front of him he will think you are nagging. Calmly talk to him and explain your point of view. Maybe you can ask him to make Sunday lunch one week or take care of any other errand.

    Him not even caring for you when you are pregnant or sick - I think that is cruel. No matter how busy a person is he has to care about his wife when she is sick or pregnant.

    I think you should talk to him but without nagging.

    Kim
     
  6. 1967mamata

    1967mamata New IL'ite

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    my heart goes out to you. i think most married women can describe at least one or two incidents when hubby was insensitive. but, being treated always like this is really horrible. i already feel your lonliness.
    coming to the solution there is no sureshot way u can chenge him. but, always teach by example. like, be extra caring when he is ill. ask him to be present in your childrens birthday party. show him progress card or any appreciation children get. notice if he really have time after whatever he does.
    no you are not asking for too much.many women will go mad in such a situation
     
  7. Hubbysdarling

    Hubbysdarling New IL'ite

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  8. Hubbysdarling

    Hubbysdarling New IL'ite

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    Hi HD,
    No dear...u are not expecting much at all .We all need that together time ,a nod of appreciation every now and then and a bit of love. If this were to be an arranged marriage I could understand but urs is a love marriage .At some point u were compatible and so in love that u decided to get married . Something changed since then...what? May be it is time to think about that .
    Or was he always this way and ur expectations of him change ?
    People with varying emotional make ups and diff ways of expressing care I can understand .. but what bothered me the most in ur post was that he is so distant with his own kids.....not asking about a his own kids visit to a doc is just not normal. I wish I had a suggestion for u ..I really wish...but dear I honestly feel something went wrong adn until we know that we cant fix this.

    @JAG:Thanx for ur reply dear,
    When we fell in love with each other,he was different man,not the romantic expressive types,but not this bad too.I always thought that he would change for the good.

    But when started living together after marraige he started to drift away....
    I keep my place very neat ,despite my kids making a mess.

    I keep myself presentable all the time.
    I know he has tensions and pressures at work,but being glued to the tv or laptop is not the solution,he can share it with me .

    I have talked abt this a several times to him WITHOUT NAGGING,using a very sweet language.but he says he needs to relax.

    I dont understand how he cud relax without me ????
     
  9. mankan

    mankan Gold IL'ite

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    hi dear hd, your problem is exactly same like mine,in my case we dont sleep together even. i too need some good suggestions from our friends. i hope u wont mind as using ur thread for me too.
     
  10. Soumedh

    Soumedh Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,
    Please try to find out root cause of his behaviour.Is he under lot of pressure at work?
    Try to plan short vacations or day outings which will refresh relationship.In holidays he will be away from work may be he will open up and also may give you compassionate ear to hear you.
    Also apart from your daily chores and duties divert your mind to some good hobbies which will keep your mind fresh.
    Always make sure to eat at least weekend lunch together as a family,this will bring children closer to him.
    You are not asking too much at all..
    Everyone needs attention and appreciation in married life which is quite natural.
    Take care
    Rgds
     
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2011

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