husband keeps pointing out faults in housekeeping/cooking! Really fed-up!

Nithya

I think you have raised some very valid points, and I am glad you've still got the courage and individuality to realise that what your husband is doing to you is wrong! I'm sure you care for him deeply, but that is no excuse for him to treat you the way he does. While you wait for the excellent advice that will no doubt come from other ILites, here is a link to a thread that deals with a similar problem to yours (not exactly the same, but similar). You could read the responses there and possibly gain some insights into solving your own problem. Good luck!

http://www.indusladies.com/forums/married-life/43730-how-to-solve-issue-husband.html

 

Hey Nithyaa,

I had the same annoying problem when I just got married and went abroad. My hubby is quite a good cook and when he tastes anything, he can tell you what all spices are in that dish (truly!!!) He used to tell me that what I made is good but if I would have cooked it his way it would have been better. In the end, even I got quite annoyed. The next day when the same problem arose, I just told him quite calmly that he can either eat what I have made or make something for himself. Then he said alright and made something for himself. This went on for two days and after that he got fedup that he had to cook and just ate whatever I made.

Just like you, it was not that I was a bad cook but just started out so naturally there is room for improvement. Try it and see! the same with housework, tell him if he wants something a particular way, he can do it himself.

Riya :thumbsup

 

I thought I would be the only one in that situation where men interfear with coocking and the stuff which women does.But I am wrong.
My husband also keep on tells me that clean this way and they way and it is very annyoing to me also.
1)Don't try to cook before him.Not sure weather it is possible for you or not.
2)As Riya mentioned,Tell him that,either you do or let me do whatever the way I know.Say that I can't be you .
Even I tell to my husband that you would have married your clone not me.
I think mostly this comes in the week end as they will be in house.Make dishes before week end itself or send him outside for some crosary and do coocking.They need to get old to get rid of this stuff.

 

I can see that some nice suggestions are already given... just want to add that you can tell your hubby by showing him other couples... tell him u ll become as good a cook as ur sil or his mom or ur mom, provided he doesnt keep picking on u constantly; tell him that his bil or ur fil or ur father, they dont keep telling their wives constantly how to do what (if that is the case in ur family). Tell him u need time.

If possible, ask him to demonstrate a couple of times to u n try to follow it... i mean, make him show u how to cook the vegetable in a certain amt of time...

Good luck!
Sandhya

 

Like others have said here, you should tell your husband either he should let you do your work the way you want to or else he should do it himself. OR If you want to be a little cunning about it then the next time you are cleaning do it when he's around and do it the way he says and then mess it up on purpose :evil:. Then you can tell him that what works for him does not work for you.

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. So what if your husband likes his mom's /sister's cooking better than yours? You always like the taste you have grown up with. Don't you enjoy your mom's cooking the best? Why do you get upset when your husband says his mom / sister cooks better than you? May be it is true. Why do you think you have to be better than them? You know you cook well enough, so leave it at that. Next time your husband makes a comparison tell him nicely that you don't compare him with anyone and hence neither should he. Please don't feel inferior on comparison. It will make your life miserable and you will start having problems with your MIL/SIL on the slightest issue.

 

Dear Nithya,

I know it hurts when you do all these and instead of getting appreciated for your efforts, your hubby keeps finding faults.

I had the same issue during the 1st yr of my marriage(that was 6 yrs back). I used to go out of my way and try hard to be the 'super woman'. I also used to take every comment he makes about my lack of house keeping/culinary skills to heart and get upset about it for days...

Gradually, I started feeling that it is not fair on me. Afterall I was not an experienced cook/ housekeeper. Moreover I was trying my best and though I was also working ,hubby never voluntereed to step inside the kitchen and help.I remember one particular instance when he invited about 15-20 guests and I was toiling and moiling cooking in the kitchen, running around cleaning up and he was conveninetly lying on the couch and watching cricket on TV.

:rotflNow I find all these so funny... the common issues when men from Mars and women from Venus start living under the same roof.
Now, my funda is simple and straight...gone are the days when I used to try hard and make changes whenever he finds faults.. now I happily accept that I am not an A+ cook... so what can be done, we have to learn to live with the fact

Here are the options for hubby
a)either you eat what I cook
b) you cook for both of us
c) get a take out from a restaurant or Mac donalds .

Since c) is not practical everyday and every meal and since b) is not a convenient option:thumbsup, hubby dear now happily eats whatever i cook.. no issues, no complains and for me no more frustrations.