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Husband is On Different Types of Antidepressants and Other Medication

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Sharanya, May 19, 2014.

  1. Sharanya

    Sharanya Senior IL'ite

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    Hi,

    I had posted a few threads before about my husband's obsession with Singapore, desire to never have children, wanting to do an MBA in USA and asking me to be a placeholder, infrequent sexual desire and so on.

    I have just found out (like much else husband never told me all this before marriage or even after marriage) that my husband is on antidepressants daily and has been taking antidepressants for the last twelve years. Apparently he will have terrible withdrawal symptoms if he gives up antidepressants, will feel like a raving loon and even try to kill himself. He also finds himself unable to go to sleep and takes antihistamines not for allergy or asthma, but to help him to sleep. He also takes some other nerve soothing medication.

    All this because of his career aspirations for the last 12 years, his inability to reach where he sees himself etc. He was also ragged in college for being a "shemale" and not very manly which started this whole depression.

    Even after taking all these medicines, he remains depressed. This is adding to my doubts of whether husband is indeed a closet gay which has set off all these sorts of depression.

    Husband wanted me to be a placeholder in Singapore for two years while he does his MBA in USA. His dad had bought him a condo in Singapore and gave him a lavish wedding. It is common for wives and even children to accompany their husbands while they are doing their MBA, wouldn't my husband have asked me to accompany him instead and maybe asked his dad to save up on the lavish wedding? Husband doesn't want children because of his "sufferings" is it just professional sufferings or because he's a closet gay and hiding it from the world? He takes antidepressants for years because his career hasn't gone as per his hopes, why not return to India to our hometown, look for some job there or start a business? Surely that might be painful but would be better than suffering in an ailing career for so many years? Husband never wanted to get married at all and he married only to dispel rumors in the club circuit in our hometown and among st his friends in Singapore that he is gay, by his own admission. He has enough contacts in Singapore to ensure that he can return to the country again and get himself a job there, so why this need for his wife to be a placeholder there for two years(she can easily lose her job in two long years, the job market is pretty tough there). Husband wanted a very beautiful wife by his own admission, but he doesn't show much interest in intimacy with his pretty wife, nor does he want any children from her.

    Did his entire family fool my family into marrying him to cover up his homosexuality? Maybe he doesn't like to live with women, asking me to remain in Singapore as a "placeholder" will be a convenient excuse to explain to the world that he is "straight" and we are a very modern couple in a "long distance" relationship.
     
    Last edited: May 19, 2014
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  2. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    It is very much possible. Ask him firmly.
     
  3. ErRamesh

    ErRamesh Junior IL'ite

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    hi, I have same problem sis. What is your next step.
     
    Last edited: May 31, 2014
  4. RedRuby

    RedRuby Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Sharanya, we can guess and suggest a lot of things but the only one who can give you the truth is your husband. Ask him calm and firmly what the real reason is and wether he is gay.
     
  5. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Antidepressants can have many side effects. Usually the doctor will carefully monitor the patient and change either the dosage or prescription. If he has just been taking the same thing non-stop for many years it may not be of any help.
    As for the other questions, either ask him directly or insist on going to couples' counseling together. These kinds of situations unfortunately happen in many parts of the world. You deserve to know the truth.
     
  6. MrsBV

    MrsBV Gold IL'ite

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    he will be the best person to tell you his sexuality and all your doubts... you need to know the reasons behind his actions.. unless and until you ask you will not know...
     
  7. anuram09

    anuram09 IL Hall of Fame

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    First step talk to him. If its not working out, involve elders and seek marital counselling.
     
  8. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    Sharanya dear, from your posts I am not able to gather whether it is your love for your husband that is keeping you in this marriage or whether it is the social pressures of staying married. It does sound like a one sided relationship to me if he won't give you emotional, financial or physical satisfaction. You can't make someone change. In a way, it sounds like you were cheated on different levels in this marriage. Don't you want to ask him directly? If he still dithers, leave without wasting any more time in this relationship.
     
    2 people like this.
  9. Sharanya

    Sharanya Senior IL'ite

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    Don't know. :-(
    Just very depressed
     
  10. Sharanya

    Sharanya Senior IL'ite

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    Asking him: He won't tell the truth. He will say sex wasn't particularly important to him which is why he didn't want to get married for so many years, he says sex is in the head etc. He might be "asexual", rather than "homosexual". Also, antidepressants do cause problems in libido.Not only sex, but generally wife's Company too is unimportant for him, which is why he will use his dad's money to buy himself a condo, to have a lavish wedding, take some money from dad (by his own admission) for MBA too, but not to keep his wife with him.
    He will strongly deny that he is homosexual.
    Involving elders: His mom will always support him, she will say nowadays people can have kids even upto 40 and we can have kids "many many years later" too etc. But husband hasn't said he wants kids many years later, he says he doesn't want at all. If he says "no" many years later, what do I do? I will be left with no kids then. His dad will say stuff like our son doesn't listen to us etc.
    Counselling: He refuses to go.
     

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