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Husband is a Mommy's boy....ugh!

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by bharthi, Feb 20, 2006.

  1. bharthi

    bharthi Junior IL'ite

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    Hi Friends,

    After thinking about it a lot I have decided to discuss this here. My husband is a hopeless mommy's boy. In general, he is very kind and loving to me, but in no instance he wants to speak up against his mother.

    Whenever his mother is unreasonable to me, he wants me to ignore the issue instead of taking up with his mother. Any suggestions on how I can make him to be a little more objective?

    Bharthi
     
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  2. rohini

    rohini New IL'ite

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    I don't find it strange!

    Hi Bharathi,

    Most husband's are mommy's boy. I don't find it strange! Rather it is a very usual behavior.

    If you ask me, I would say you are actually gifted cos, atleast he is equally kind and loving to you. If he wants you to ignore his mother being unreasonable and does not take it up with her, I guess that's in a best way to handle it. For taking it up with his mother would worsen the issue. Believe me!
     
  3. ambika ananth

    ambika ananth Bronze IL'ite

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    I agree with Rohini

    Dear Bharathi

    I agree in entirety with Rohini....she is absolutely right...men mostly are mommy's boys ( and as mothers we want our sons to be so..) You are actually fortunate that your hubby loves you equally...he needs to be congratulated for bringing in the balance. If he starts leaning towards you favourably, it may appear as if you have
    'filled his ears'. That may bring in unnecessary complications...accept your husband as he is, and things will be just fine.. Let things be as they are for everyone's good.
    Hope you see my suggestion in a right perspexctive..
    all the best
    ambika
     
  4. Chitvish

    Chitvish Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hello Bharathi !

    Dear Bharathi,
    My warm regards to you, since this is my first interaction with you. Not only that, the subject is a sensitive issue as well !
    Remember that we enter the man's life very many years after his association with his parents. So, if at all, he tends to give a little more importance to their advice than to what we want him to do, we have to accept it logically & not start arguing how they are more important to him than us(who have gone to him leaving our parents etc !). The mother-child bond which you cherish so much between you & your child applies the same way to his mother - there is no denying it.
    Even if you strongly feel about something ( different from how his mother feels) put it across to him in privacy & very subtly, but effectively & coax him to decide for himself - it will be in your favour if your point is right.
    I was a DIL & now a MIL ! Please take this in the proper perspective & not as a pieces of advice !
    Love & regards,
    Chithra.
     
    1 person likes this.
  5. sunkan

    sunkan Gold IL'ite

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    hai

    hai bharthi,

    in my experience...men search for mothers everywhere....and when a wife turns out to be mother when the need and a wife when the need slowly without argument it will fall into place....yes like how all suggest never get into a argument as it is of no use...but pamper like how u would ur child....the child in the man takes time to grow.... never they never grow they r always children it is we who have made them think that they r grt thinkers but we nudge them to think wise....if they r wise we brush their mind to polished level....in those days woman were at home and even after a grand discussion i have notice my grandfather walk in for a drink sometime discuss the issue in the night and say [ennal solrey] what say u...when she suggests.. if it is grt ....he will solve the issue as if it has been his idea and grandma never boasted....but nowadays as we r educated and think we should enphasise to show our brilliance ....so the violent disruption in the house....just go on doing without anything disturbing u if u want him to notice u...pamper ...pamper and pamper....it is usually a mother who takes so much trouble given the same u would want ur son to love u for what u have done for him .....so always weigh the situation like what would u do if u were in her place..would u appreciate a reaction as this....the impossible but can be made possible ...take care of his mother also...we make history as we live..when we look back try to make the passage beautiful to look back.....not pebbles of mistake strewn around....i also had a mother in law tough to please ...so many a time done twice things over....when she died she left her jewellery to my children and not her own...she was his perimma ...wanted to be alive to my first child's marriage but died before...this is the result of ur foregoing ur own identity and doing things...i know u want ur own...but sometime u get situation to prove even more....nowadays a mother or father is better be near...as men fall into wrong company very soon...the independance is badly managed as they have never been free....so think well take time to settle down...how do u do....only by dusting cleaning and then planting a few flowers on ur way to make it beautiful to rest ...right....hope u overcome ...this attitude and move further with confidence...people take time to the change of society....sometime with shock some time with stubborness ...so when the medicine given however bitter has to be given with a little sugar for things to heal cant force it right....with lots of healing hugs...sunkan...
     
  6. Varloo

    Varloo Gold IL'ite

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    You are right 100%, Chitvish

    Hai,
    You cannot change a person completely in a few days, even we cannot do that. We can only adjust. Then you have gone to live with your husband in his household, ours being a patriarchal family type society, the person who comes only should adjust. think about you joining an office. You only adjust to the work schedule, timings, co workers and boss initially. With time, when the people around get to know you, they too start adjusting. In family also the same applies. Once we become mothers, we insist that our child only listen to us (not even to their father) and love us mre than anybody else. It will take sometime for your husband to understand you. Till then you have to be patient. And some people will not adjust or change, that may be their temparament. You have to be patient only.
    Best of luck and take care.
    varloo
     
  7. Vidya24

    Vidya24 Gold IL'ite

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    all men are but mamma's boys

    Dear Bhartahi,

    I too must say that most men are mamma's lil boys at all ages and stages in life. And if u try to change this, chances are you will not be able to do so . Or worse, even if you wean him away from his mother, you will become the villan. As long he loves you, just accept it.

    Best of luck
    Vidya
     
    Last edited: Feb 26, 2006
  8. moutushih

    moutushih New IL'ite

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    hubby as mumma's boy

    dear all,
    i am a new member to this group...i feel that i should also put in some experiences of mine too.i have been married for over a year and my husband being the only child of his parents....my inlaws stay with us..they both are really very compatible and sweet...except when it comes to their son..not that at all times they are impractical,but when i go with him to do some shopping or else, and whr=en i come back..i see that my mil is in a bad mood...not that she screams or shouts...but she makes a gloomy face...and responds only by yes or no..previously ,i thought it was only a coincidence...maybe she was not feeling well...but gradually i learnt that it was not that way...i made it known to my husband and obviously expressed my displeasure as according to me, husband and wife should atleast be given this much privacy...but my husband says...that i misunderstood his mom and she was really not feeling well...this is only an instance...for every other cases, something which i don't approve of my mil and have it expressed to my husband, he always has the answer, his mother is not wrong and i am the one to misunderstand...
    so it seems majority of the sons are like that..i have got a solution for that now...i have an younger brother and i always place mt hubby in my brothers shoes and try to analyse the problem...the problem disappears....
     
  9. disha

    disha New IL'ite

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    Mumma's boy

    Hi All,
    I am Disha. I am a new member. I did read all your reviews and I agree with each of them in every way. Bharathi, I am in the same boat as you. You have to understand that there is absolutely no exceptions when it comes to men. They will have every justification in the book when it comes to their parents. There is no ifs and buts about it. All I can tell you is try to be as independent as possible. You have to lead your life. I am not asking you to pick up an arguement with your hubby. As long as your hubby loves u and cares about u you don't have a problem. But I understand that it is very frustrating when they do that. Try this when a situation arise. Just go into your bedroom and have sometime alone for yourself or go outside to a bookstore or for a walk. Just give him enough time to rethink the whole thing and how he has made you feel. It works for me all the time. Another advice would be not to get confrontational. Just dont say anything and leave the place. Let him know your frustration. Thats the only way you can get your point across.
     
  10. Nandshyam

    Nandshyam IL Hall of Fame

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    As long as the guy is balancing both sides, one should be happy.

    Nand
     

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