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Husband influenced by in laws

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by poojaagar, Dec 23, 2011.

  1. poojaagar

    poojaagar Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi All,

    My husband calls in laws often.. and after so many issues with them from my marriage i started ignoring them and their calls and what they to talk to dh and in laws say to him that iam not talking to them.
    I hate to call and talk to them every week thats why i dont call. But recently they made a big issue when my mil is not well and did a emotional brainwash to my dh and now dh wants me to talk to them and call them often. indirectly they are forcing and once i call them my mil starts with my personal things and abt my parents and i dont know how not to talk to them abt all this.
    Dear friends, suggest a way how you ppl tackle this?
     
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  2. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Call once in the presence of your husband. Turn the speaker phone on and let him hear the conversation. Ask him if he would have talked to your parents if they talked to him that way. Deflect any personal questions and change the topic.
     
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  3. blackbeauty84

    blackbeauty84 IL Hall of Fame

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    Agree with the above post.Also Keep things to the bare minimum Like: How are you, Have you been to doctor etc. After that make some excuse like someone is at door & cut. Also make sure that your husband doesn't brainwash & force to call you for minor things.
     
  4. anugamit

    anugamit Platinum IL'ite

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    start taking care of her on the phone, like ask about her health and tell her how to take care of her, do this and that and also tell her that your parents were asking about your health. Start giving her advices like a caring DIL....She will stop complaining about u to DH if she is sure u take care of her. Then slowly decrease frequency of calling, or just like others said start making excuses to cut the call. whenever she complains put the phone on a speaker and let your husband hear.

    I do same even if i dont feel like talking to her.
    Hope this helps.
     
  5. sheztheone

    sheztheone Platinum IL'ite

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    It most often does not help to be yourself with them even if you feel the way you do. By that I mean that you will have to face the aftermath (you already are). Unless you are really thick-skinned and choose not to care about all that, or have a supportive DH, you would do well to just have a hi-bye relationship with them.

    It is all about keeping your cool and talking smart. Focus more on her, her health and relatives, the goings-on in her city etc. As irritating as it might be, just keep mum when she mentions your parents or change the topic. Make sure you talk to her and talk in a friendly tone for minimum time and then run off saying that something is on the stove, you need to go out etc. etc.
     
  6. gaya3gururajan

    gaya3gururajan Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Poojaagar...

    I can understand...U know what, My MIL annoys me by just talking on and on abt herself, my SIL their family, what we need to do for them etc all the time when i call.. She never bothers to even ask for formality abt how me and my DH are..This is the other extreme of the pbm what u are facing... Though my DH understands my situation completely, He sees to that i talk to her.. he says, its more than affection a sign of responsibilty...So just wanted to let u know that men are men, even if they understand they wud still expect us to compromise.... But i assure u onething by compromising on something u sure wud win some other situation... It works for me..:)... as ILS suggested in the above posts, let ur hubby know how ur MIL annoys u..Make short converstaions with her and make him understand that u are bending down jus for him..... I suggest u let him decide whether u need to do this compromise on this or not..
    Mine might not be a suggestion thats easy for u, but wud be surely helpful for avoiding clashes amidst u both on this matter... Hope this helps...

    Cheers,
    G3
     

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