OP , Dont worry too much on his words on divorce. May be he uttered those words to win the argument. If you are worried too much , you can consult a lawyer. But I dont think he can take your kids away. Laws in USA are much considerate towards kids. They dont send them with an alcoholic father. To gain joint custody also he need to prove that he is not alchoholic. If he go for divorce, he will be a looser, he has to give you his hard earned money, ailmony, then primary custody of kids.. I believe. He knows very well that you are not going to leave him so easy. Look at your life and issue with a neutral perspective. PILs issues- its past,you cannot do anything about it. Leave it and focus on your married life. Only thing you can do in future is keep a hi bye relationship for the sake of your dh. It's not wise to waste your precious time by thinking about them. Let them think what they want . You dont need their good certificate to succeed in life Gc/ citizenship/ job- You should focus on these if you want to continue in USA. Plan well, schedule your life better, try to find job even if its small. That will lead you to better ones . Being financially independent gives you much confidence to continue or quit marriage. If your decision is to stay in this marriage you need to change the way you approach the issues. Right now you are driveway your husband by these never ending fights and arguments. He is responsible for many of these issues. But you need to find ways to improve the situation to create a peaceful home. Even though its unfair, sometimes we can't expect the partner to contribute 50% in efforts. Alchoholism- only he can change this. You cannot. Please accept it. The change should come from him . So why dont you take a 180 turn in your approach. You need to have lot of patience and strength to do it. Completely stop talking or commenting about his drinking or his parents ,your parents etc... reduce talking. Talk only the kids/home related stuff. Live as if you are a single mother with kids. Dont expect that he will volunteer to do anything. If you need any help ask him. Dont hesitate. Focus on you and your kids as if you dont need him . Be busy with your own things and build your life.. let him tell what ever he wants. Just don't respond if not needed as if you are not interested in him. Avoid urge to fight or argue. Just treat him like a house mate. Do this for few months. Let him get curious. When wife is available full time they take them for granted. Let him miss you. Let him feel that you gave up on him . During this time plan for your future, try to find job, improve yourself. Be a confident avatar of yourself. Remove all negativity and negative people out of your life. Be a happy person. It's like taking a break from marriage. I am sure it will give you chance to introspect your own actions. Your DH- you said he is a good provider and father. Utilise that positives. His main negative is alcoholism. If you do the steps above, he may introspect his behavior. He need to take steps to stop it. Only he can do it. Now his parents are not with you, so just neglect his dealings with his side of the family. You have your own life to focus. I have noticed that when there is no peace in home , some men seek happiness outside by going out with friends or other ways. They want to avoid the frustrated wife. You have mentioned about his ex. Dont give any importance unless you have any solid evidence. Thinking about all those, will add more fuel to your problems. If you really want to continue in this marriage, then its important to provide a loving home to kids. In that case, you cannot ignore your relationship with dh. Neglecting sexual needs of husband, is a foolish thing many women make especially if dh is much interested in it. They need it to connect with wife. Its the glue. If you enjoy it even by a few percentage, go for it. But make a condition that he has to come to you without drinking even a drop of it. Why you expect him to hug you. You can do it. Make sure you hug or kiss often when he is not under alcoholic influence. Appreciate any good things, enforce positive behavior if can. If you deny sex, he will be more distant, can get angry often, get irritated, find other ways to release it and can focus more on alchohol. For women emotional connection is needed, for them physical bonding. So be practical. This is the department your PILs or others cannot compete. I have mentioned a few points. But prioritize your needs and focus on one by one . No one is perfect. Every one faces one problem or another. You know your life better. I feel that you should focus on you, your kids, your job, your health more than wasting time on others. Once you gain your confidence back, if you want to continue in this marriage, may be you can work on it. As you had good relationships with dh before, you can start fresh leaving past behind. If you think a professional can help seek that too.