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Husband doesnt care

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by houstongirl, Jul 17, 2013.

  1. houstongirl

    houstongirl New IL'ite

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    Hello Ladies,

    Here is my situation. I got married about 2 years ago and we are living in US. Been in love with my husband for over 8 years and we got married.
    Whenever we go out with friends or his family memebers, my husband totally ignores me. He acts as if i dont exist. We both are from different states so i'm not very good with his language. So i make mistakes when trying to interpret what others say. My husband either ignores me or makes fun of me. This treatment is just for me. For others he will explain the joke, repeat the joke etc etc. And whenever he is around with his family they act like a tightly knit circle, they have jokes of their own, laugh among themselves and i get left out.
    Now this may not be a serious problem you think. But we go on long trips (12 hrs) often with his family memebers. So all along i get subjected to this treatment. When i try not to contribute/ just silence myself from the crowd (which i did once), my husband comes to me and says, please dont fight with me in front of all. And even my dh and his bro and sis all start making more jokes on me, even when i'm around.

    Now- i did have a discussion with him. He said ya he feels that he is ignoring me. He apologized also. But then next time he tried to include me in conversation he uses a very sarcastic tone, which makes every one laugh more at me. And its quite some time we had the discussion and now he is back to his own self. I did try to squeeze myself in the conversations and contribute, but no one will give a damn.. All they talk about are movies and gossip about other family members and friends. I never used to watch movies much but to make sure i dont get left out, i started watching like a movie a day.. But still i get left out.
    If at all other ppl are interested in my talk, then my husband will turn his face towards me otherwise its ignore ignore all the way!
    I'm sorry if it all looks silly for you guys. But i do not have friends in US. Before marriage we used to chat so much, but now after marriage i feel i'm taken for granted. I thought i meant a lot to him before marriage, but now i feel i'm last in the q of ppl who means a lot for him. His brothers and sisters also stay with us and even if i try to bring any of my friends, my husband feels very conscious. They judge people a lot and unless ppl match upto their wavelengths they make rude comments and ignore them like anything (this happened for one couple whom we met in a dinner party).

    Now - here is what i need advise from you about.
    1) I've had discussions with my husband. He feels i'm always blaming him. - not working
    2) I tried to change myself to fit in his world - but i feel all this hard work is for nothing. eventually i'm not happy in the end.
    How do i handle this now - i dont want to repeat the above steps. I want to feel unaffected by their attitude but somehow i feel sad!! I know many of you may tell me grow up - make your own friends - ignore.. but how???

    I'm feeling helpless ladies. Please help.
     
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  2. breeze01

    breeze01 Platinum IL'ite

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    you give him. the taste of his own medicine
     
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  3. houstongirl

    houstongirl New IL'ite

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    Please this is not a troll or something. I am active in another id and lot of ppl know me from that. I just wanted to post anonymously so posting from this. Thanks!
     
  4. houstongirl

    houstongirl New IL'ite

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    He doesn't care right, if i talk or not. It takes all my energy to wantedly ignore him, but in the end he doesnt care!

     
  5. vijikrish

    vijikrish Gold IL'ite

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    Two ways I think you can handle, bit harsh treatment but deserves this shock though.
    1. Next time warn him about his behaviour before going on with his family & friends and tell you do not want to join where you are being ignored. But if he presses you to come....then go ahead.
    2. If he makes fun or jokes around during family get together, be bold and in harsher tone that you warned him before coming and not to make fun...just coz you don't know language...and ask him to imagine if you do same when you are with your family. If you say this in harsher tone in front of his ppl, he might get it...atleast will be scared to repeat in front of his ppl again.
     
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  6. Twinkel

    Twinkel Platinum IL'ite

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    Mine always does this when hes with ils. Am newly married (arranged marge) and he doesnt even think twice before leaving me all alone amidst his relatives. He once took me to his aunt's house, where there are like 10 people and they all engaged in conversation which I had no clue or idea about. I wasnt either interested. Nobody noticed that theres a girl across the room whos having hard time understanding Latin. Happens often, but it never hurts me somehow. I start reading books, watching movies, browsing indusladies and never cared or complained about being ignored. And am glued to these until he pulls me off. It all ended up when he felt I am ignoring him, am not giving him enough attention/time and I told him thats' how I feel but never complain about. Took little time but now he makes it a point to make me comfortable when with ils. I even left him alone and unattended in my family get togethers for quite sometime. He didnt get back on that but I have no idea which one of these two worked for me :)
     
    Last edited: Jul 17, 2013
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  7. Vidhyadev

    Vidhyadev Bronze IL'ite

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    Ignore him and pretend as if youa re busy in telephone conversation while around with his family members .. or insult him once or twice and make him realize.. avoid trip with his family stating this reason that youa re left alone so y to come and be alone you can do thta staying at home itself nu
     
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  8. anjananathan

    anjananathan Platinum IL'ite

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    As other said, avoid going out with them.. Give reason only when he asks.. else just say I am not interested..

    If you have hobbies like reading books, then do that and ignore him.. act as if he does not exist.. then he will realize..
     
  9. sweetshreya

    sweetshreya IL Hall of Fame

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    You make fun of him about how he treats you too. :)

    For example when he jokes about or laughs at you, tell him jokingly (in front of everyone) that "you are so funny that I may puke out laughing." And then you act like throwing up every time he acts like a jerk. Some other time laugh and wonder loudly "I hope the hotel lobby (or whatever is your destination) has good comfortable sofa. Someone is going to need it tonight." :rotfl

    On serious note, do start making your own friends if possible. No point getting hurt and showing it. Few years more into marriage and you will realize that it is the biggest mistake you can make.
     
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  10. houstongirl

    houstongirl New IL'ite

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    Viji -

    Thanks for the suggestions

    It just somehow crushes me to think that after 8 years of talking to him, i need to request him not to ignore me! I donno why i'm so weak hearted.

    Whenever we fight i somehow keep to myself and don't really shout at him.. I just give him the silent treatment.. so i donno how i'm going to implement the below..

     

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