Husband does not leave my mother's house to set up own home

lr7 · Aug 24, 2015

To keep a long story short, my husband shifted to the city where I was born and brought up after we got married. We mainly stayed in my parent's home as well as a rented accomodation before he got an opportunity to work in the USA. He lived there for 7 years and returned to my mother's home where my mother lives on one floor, my son,husband and I live on another floor. It's been close to 4 years now of this arrangement. My dad's no more and my mother is 76 and bed ridden. My younger sister and my mother's sisters live next door.

My inlaws live in Chennai. My husband had a plot that he sold for 1.5cr and since then my in-laws as well as husband have been telling me that these funds will be used to buy a new house for my husband so we can all live together. Nothing like this has happened so far and my husband is making commercial investments with the money so far.

He does not pay any rent to my mom and more over there is a lot of household help here and I contribute 50-70% every month to the running of the house. My husband pays for incidental unplanned expenses and my son's college fees.
I'm tired of this arrangement and want him to get a place of our own and move out. He's making all sorts of excuses that I will not run the house(yes, I have a cook and an additional hand at my mom's house but nothing that says I cannot look after another place). His latest say is that I should pay half my son's fees, half the household expenses in the new home and rent too. All this is because he is enjoying a lot of comforts in my mom's house while paying for a fraction of it. He makes 1.2L every month while I make 70k.

I am frustrated at this man's adamant behaviour and my in-laws just turn a blind eye to everything. What should I do? If he's a nice person, I could sit and decide how much each of us would contribute in a fair manner. Right now, he's just interested in pumping all his salary into various mutual funds, chit funds and EMi's of properties all on his name he purchased while letting me spend a majority of the money to running the household.

How do I handle this?

armummy · Aug 24, 2015

may be he is eying your mothers property and think it will come to you after she is gone.

Make sure your mom has paper work done according to her wishes for the property.

on other hand I think as your mom is bed ridden it may be good if you stay there for some more time to help care for her.

As as per sharing the expenses , make it proportionate to your income.

yellowmango · Aug 24, 2015

Make him pay for household expenses and college. Also ask him to add you and your son to the investments he is making.
If your being around is a help for your mother,then continue to stay and take care.Ask your mother to make a will regarding the property as your husband seems too money minded .

YoGirl · Aug 24, 2015

I don't think he is wasting money anywhere. Just tell him to add your name\son's name in the investments. what percentage of his salary does he use for son's fees and misc stuff(car emi, petrol, gifts, restaurants, etc)?
You are in a comfortable environment and if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't crib about it. IMO, there are more pressing problems which everyone else is facing.
Unless, you feel that he is wasting money, you can relax. Else, start saving by yourself.
And, I am not sure why you have expenses which will be apporx 50k(if you are not paying rent) in bangalore. Does your H feel that you are wasting money?