1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Husband Criticising Me ..feeling Upset

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Needtobestrong, Mar 10, 2017.

  1. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    172
    Likes Received:
    121
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    My delivery happened 6 plus months ago , I'm staying in joint family..
    As it is I am having tough time staying in joint family and managing everything..
    I'm really stressed out due to following reasons..
    I m not keeping very good health..I have back pains due to c section and other reasons..
    When I'm stressed out or strained I get breathing problem and irregular bleeding..
    U all know how difficult it is to manage staying up in night and also attending to baby in daytime..
    Of late I have not been having proper relations with my husband because he keeps finding fault with me..if I stay up at night for attending to baby obviously I should take rest in daytime also right..he has told several times that I keep sleeping and don't do anything..my in laws do not know how to look after baby for longer durations..they have some old fashioned ideas and methods which don't work now..my husband and in laws say that I keep sleeping and don't do any work..They want me to handle all cooking and household tasks in addition to baby care..they are not satisfied with simple food and want to have variety of dishes..I can't cook elaborate stuff.
    They keep complaining of health problems he criticises me for not looking after them properly...i don't know what seva I m supposed to do for them when they can manage things on their own..they don't take proper care by doing exercises, or following food restrictions, what can I do
    Every week some guests keep coming and they will nicely sit and chat with guests and expect me to make coffee tea snacks etc..sometimes I would want to take rest but unable to take rest if people keep dropping in..
    Directly or indirectly they blame me for not being able to have a normal pregnancy and delivery..
    Actually I myself feel guilty many times..I had medical problem..many times I feel that I did something wrong..
    Maid is there for sweeping , mopping ..but they are not ready to spend money for additional task and for Cook etc..but they do wasteful expenditures in other things..
    I tried looking for lady to help with baby..but she proved to be very negligent and I had some issues with her so I stopped her..I don't like idea of appointing Ayah as they don't follow proper hygiene..
    I got job offer but I didn't take it up becos I can't leave such small baby in daycare or with in laws as they are unable to look after.I don't have economic independence to arrange for household helps and cooks on my own..My milk is drying up due to tension..
    Can't anyone show little bit sympathy consideration for a new mom..
     
    Loading...

  2. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    6,584
    Likes Received:
    18,924
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    Just stop caring about them.
    You take care of the baby and yourself.
    These people are not going to help you if your health deteriorates.
    If you husband criticizes....just accept and tell him you are not a superwoman...just a normal woman with health issues and a baby to take care of.If he can't understand that then you can't do much about it.
    This time will pass too.....just take good care of yourself for a year or more.You owe it to yourself and your baby .
     
  3. Tryinghard2013

    Tryinghard2013 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    60
    Likes Received:
    56
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Female
    I agree with the above poster. U need to be strong in your head. We as women tend to please everyone else without thinking of ourselves. If we stop pleasing others we are deemed to be lazy and selfish. Don't let your milk get dry. Please decide to feed the baby as long as u can. It gives the baby a lifetime of immunity. Do as ur health and body can. U and ur baby should be a priority for u. When ur in laws or husband don't care about u, don't care so much about what they think and expect.
     
    sindmani and Needtobestrong like this.
  4. Sangeeta85

    Sangeeta85 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    192
    Likes Received:
    74
    Trophy Points:
    68
    Gender:
    Female
    Take the job dear .. baby will be fine keep a lady to take care ,, have a interview with those ladies.. take the job before u completely go nuts like me..
    There are herbal medicine for lactating go ask the doc..
     
    Needtobestrong likes this.
  5. Brevity

    Brevity Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    144
    Likes Received:
    217
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    You are not winning any medals for a good wife or dil even after struggling so much to do everything for everyone.

    Give yourself a break. Do what you can. Cook simple and ask mil to take over if she wants more stuff. Tell your husband that this is your best for now. As baby sleeps better at night you will become more energetic during the day.

    If you strain yourself and lose your health these people ate only going to blame you. So take care of your health. And do only what you can. They are complaining anyway. Let them continue.

    Try for more nannies and if you find a suitable one, start working. You mil can oversee the nanny.
     
  6. guesshoo

    guesshoo Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    2,775
    Likes Received:
    7,171
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    Human beings cannot function without proper sleep. New mum or not. Lack of sleep wrecks havoc in you physical, emotional and mental states all at once. Now is your husband sleeping or does he wake up too - even for a minute and goes back to sleep - when your child does? He would be crabby too with disturbed sleep and you become his punching bag.

    Tell him nagging doesn't help. Once your baby is on solids, sleep train it - with your husband playing an active role in training jt.

    Take baby steps to put everything in order. Prioritise and implement your plan. Tell him you need more support. Be specific without being critical. Let him know that with support he can help make things better or be critical and make things worse. Turn it around on him. He does have that responsibility.

    You will take care of your baby but his parents are adults who need to do their bit. You can't be held responsible for a fully functioning adult. You can support them once you have the bandwidth to but they also need to pitch in for you to get back on your feet. Be clear in what you want from whom and communicate firmly.
     
  7. greenchilli

    greenchilli Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    40
    Likes Received:
    21
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Female
    If the baby is more than 6 months pls. rejoin work.
    I have been there in your exact situation and people won't change that easily.
    Lots of fights or arguments needed to change them.
    if the older lady in the house doesn't help then don't expect understanding and compassion.
    I say useless and waste of ur energy.
    Instead if u rejoin work it will give u clarity and will help u priorities things.
    It will also give you financial freedom to keep a cook or 9 to 6 ayah or savings.
    so pick ur battles.
     
    Suja9 and Needtobestrong like this.
  8. Rise

    Rise Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,380
    Likes Received:
    1,468
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Why are you asking up all the responsibility. You just care your kid.others are adults you need not look after them like kids.
     
    Needtobestrong likes this.
  9. vanithaudt

    vanithaudt Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    68
    Likes Received:
    131
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    Oh dear, what a selfish people they are. You got to be very clever darling. From yor post I understand that you cook for them as well as look after the child being delivered the baby surgically . When visitor come uou make coffee for them. They want you to do more work. I am really furious at them. What on the earth these people are made up of. Keep your head strong and allocate work to people. Ask your hubby to look after baby from 7 to 10 pm . Ask your mil to make subji for liuch and dinner. Have bread/cornflakes for breakast. You look after yourself well.
     
    Needtobestrong likes this.
  10. Sangeeta85

    Sangeeta85 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    192
    Likes Received:
    74
    Trophy Points:
    68
    Gender:
    Female
    Oh there are ppl on earth this kind.. mean selfish and greedy..
     
    Needtobestrong likes this.

Share This Page