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Husband And Wife's Fight Impact On Kid

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by India123, Aug 22, 2017.

  1. India123

    India123 Silver IL'ite

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    I and my wife always fight on petty things. If I say some thing for what she did wrong or so, she will start big fight for small thing by cursing my family also. I got to used with all this but some times
    I loose patience after too much nagging and fight becomes big. I always ask her to stop when my Little one(6 yr boy) is around, she does not stop, she cries in front of him and tell him that daddy scolded me. which I try to tell her not to do. She always do this drama in front of him, when I insist, not to do this infront of kid she says I know acting and behave like nothing happened infront of kid and She cannot act.

    Yesterday we had a fight, she started saying she want divorce( Which she always creates this drama ), I said fine. She immediately called kid and asked whether he want to stay with daddy or Mommy, the poor boy started crying by hiding under bedsheet.

    How do I make her understand not fight infront of the little one???. BTW we live in US
     
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  2. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    Tell her the consequences of parents fighting in front if kids can affect the kid's emotionally. Confidence of the kid will go down and tell her very affectionately that not to ask the above mentioned question to a kid. They won't understand that misunderstanding (in a couple)is a part of life. They take it seriously. As a woman one thing I will tell u , kindly show little more affection to your wife , maybe she is worried about something else and she has only u to confide to. Talk with her and ask what is bothering her. Women are sensitive people sometimes.try to understand her point of view. Take her out or for long trips. All the best.
     
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  3. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    Like @sindmani says, some women can be sensitive . We mostly get the short end of the stick when it comes to marriage , In laws etc, so I wonder if that's the case with your wife too. What seems like a minor criticism to you ends up being a major trigger for your wife , making her feel unappreciated perhaps. For the sake of the child can you try to tone down on the "minor" criticisms ? Work on the marriage and trying to show your appreciation for the wife. Since your wife does not realize , it's up to you to step up and avoid conflicts and protect the little one . Good luck !
     
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  4. Naari

    Naari Platinum IL'ite

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    OP, kids tend to tell the entire world about what's happening in their house. So, just try this with your wife. Tell her you heard your kid telling that you guys fight and that you both are going to divorce to his friends or to kids of some of your family friends, who matter to your wife. I think that might stop her from telling your son / fighting with you in front of your kid.

    But, yes, I agree with the opinions above & cannot emphasize enough that you need to treat her right in every way. Maybe her behavior is some form of vent /outburst for other things.
     
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  5. Elsa

    Elsa Gold IL'ite

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    OP, did you ever have a talk with her about how she wants to be talked to? Do you always try to find faults with her? Does she ever try to correct you, if so how? Because unless and until it is a grave mistake, no adult needs anyone to point out their mistakes. Can you give examples of some kstakes that she does that you find the need to correct her? Do you try to correct your wife in front of your kid? Can you wait until your kid goes to bed or goes to school to talk to your wife?
     
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  6. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    True
     
  7. Nonya

    Nonya Platinum IL'ite

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    which state? In some states, it is easier to get a divorce. A minor child would add some additional provisos to the divorce. Calmly list the advantages and disadvantages for each one of you in getting a divorce, and consider the possibility. Because, (just like you) there could be others advising your wife on the same matter.
     
  8. WiseAgnes

    WiseAgnes Gold IL'ite

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    I think it's okay to let kids witness the arguments of parents, although there is a big, fat "but"... if parents argue in a healthy way. Because later in life the kids will copy this behavior. In my family my parents would always raise their voices when they argued. Not out of anger, they would just get emotional. Therefore, I do it too and don't even notice it. My husband's parents never argued in front of their kids. Therefore, at the first stages of our relationships, when I told my husband that I didn't like something about our relationship, he got terrified because he thought it meant I wanted to break up with him. So let's say both of us didn't have the best examples of a healthy argument.
    In a healthy argument partners don't call each other names, don't threaten each other with divorces, don't bring up old problems, don't manipulate each other, don't yell, don't ask a child to pick a side, don't become personal. They listen to each other with respect, try to understand and be empathetic, clearly express their feelings and come from a place of love rather than place of hatred. If in your case it's unrealistic to do, here is a simple tip. If you see your wife getting upset, you leave the room. If she chases you, you start running. If she runs after you, you run faster and leave the house. When your son goes to bed and she cools down, you return and you have a conversation when you try to understand each other. If you don't know how, visit a marriage counselor. They are specialized on this kind of problems.
     
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  9. salad

    salad Gold IL'ite

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    Dear op,

    You said you live in US. Does your wife has enough friends to hang out and have fun? Is she a housewife.? Please understand life is dull and dump and depressing if she is insdie 4 walls .

    She is seeking for your attention like your kid . You are not giving her enough positive attention then she is trying to get at least some negative attention.

    Everyday talk to your wife alone for atleast 30 minutes with undivided attention ( no.mobile ,tv ,laptop). Let it be morning walk ,evening walk or may be after your kid slept . Ask her how was her day ? Appreciate her for whatever she did . Share your office matters. Be her friend . She will change for sure.

    Any day you realise your wife is getting irritated for small matters and she is upset . Go-to her and tell her" I realise you are upset . I want to know what's the matter but let the kid sleep , else let us go for a walk and discuss ". You are giving her a assurance of your care . If you keep quite she feels you are ignoring her. Which makes her more angry .

    Love between you and your wife is the best gift you can give to your child . If you truly love your wife and kid , take some effort to make your house and home. Practice this for at least 21 days . If nothing changes it's the time to meet counselor!!
     
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  10. RohiniVenkat

    RohiniVenkat Silver IL'ite

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    If you are a tamil guy, I hope this link will be really useful.



    Dr Suki Sivam talks clearly about this in this video.
     
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