Husband, A Mummy's Boy Phenomenon - A Matter Of Grave Concern!

varalotti · Mar 24, 2007

What Do You Want From Varalotti?

Most Gracious ILites,

This Saturday you are going to have a look at the menu card and place orders for your food. Yes, you are going to tell me what do you want from me.
I have posted a feedback questionnaire in Saturdays With Varalotti. Spend some time for me in answering the questions to help me make my posts more interesting for you.

With Affectionate Regards,
Varalotti

varalotti · Mar 26, 2007

Requesting Leave Of Absence!

Most Gracious ILites,

Greetings from Varalotti.

Owing to some professional and writing commitments I am now constrained to take a short break from IL. As of now I cannot say how long will I be away. But I am hopeful it might not be longer than a month.

If you want to reach me during this absence you are most welcome to pm me. I will definitely read your messages. I always maintain a five minutes swtich-gap between one task and another, whether the tasks are professional, personal or related to writing. I will use that time to read your pms and reply to them if called for.

In addition to fulfilling my commitments I will also use the time to re-organise my materials, to organise my thoughts so that when I come back after a gap, I will have some thing new, some thing fresh to share with you. I will try to change the wine; but if it is not possible, rest assured, I will at least change the bottle.

With the kind of affection I have been enjoying from you all along I am sure that you will bear with me for this absence.

With love and affection,
Varalotti

Pritirach · Mar 29, 2007

Sometimes i wonder whether it is only a mother who is possesive abt her son and not the wife!!.Agreed A mother feels threat by her DIL but sometimes DIL also feels tht MIL is getting more importance.
Very true that the husband(or son) is responsible to maintain balance btween the two as he is the connecting bridge.I m lucky to have a husband who has guts to say right as right and wrong as wrong.And i agree that because of his imaprtial behaviour towards his parents or me i feel tht i should also raise my son in tht way and do not want to be mama's boy.

nuggehallipankaja · Apr 5, 2007

Dear sridhar,
The subject-matter you have taken up is something like Ramayana and Mahabharata tied together!I should congratulate you ! Anyway, you have stirred a hornet's nest, and in no time will have to face 'music '!(From m.i.law ' gang. )May God give you strength!Perhaps the poor victims(d.i.law)will come to ur rescue? Their saviour?I will enjoy watching the situation.
By the way, two or three years back an article of mine titled as 'When the the
brother marries' had appeared in 'Woman's Era'. I am sure the group would love to debate on that subject also,at the slightest move from you.
Wishing you a lot of energy,
Nuggehalli Pankaja

BhargaviChakravarthy · Apr 5, 2007

Dear all,
For part 1

It is a scenario which is happening in most of the families.Let me tell frankly.It may even look odd.For the situation(possesive MIL) we should wait for some time.If still the problem is not solved,We can get a counsilling for both MIL and DIL.There is nothing wrong in consulting a psychatrist once when the problem can be solved .For Mothers ,marriage of her son is transition perod for her.Some can have the mental stability to handle.On the otherside of the coin it becomes impossible.There is a scientific fact(I don't know how far it is true), mother's low level of tolerance towars the marital relationship of son&DIL,extreme possesiveness (asking indecent questions as the motherasked the boy)are all lack of mental stability.We can even say it as chemical changes in the body,Hormonal imbalance which can be cured if taken a small course of medication(only after consultation).Do you think all mothers are like that?no Not all.I am telling the above fact only for those mothers who are naturally good in nature and if they are suddenly changing their behavior.As was said in the thread,the son died early at the age of 41.What is the use.Who is the sufferer at last?Think it over.If the problem is well analysed and solved by taking some counsilling(since the boy is also educated)earlier the severity of the problem would have been reduced.a point to be noted is that many people have a silly layman opinion that consulting a psychatrist is not acceptable.They think only a mad or a peson with some Psychatric disorder will go to the doctor.This is really irritating.Times have changed.Technology have changed.There are even therapies for controlling stress.Please all educated persons come forward.Have a broad look.

vasudha · Apr 7, 2007

hello,
This topic has been discussed for a long time. I feel these mils are all sadists. They immediately think of their days how they were tortured. those days there was not much of exposure or education. so they had to suffer silently. But now things have changed, mils should think that what they had undergone atleast let the dil not have. also boys should be balanced to be equal to the wife and the mother. you marry a girl to be your life partner, she is not your slave .wife is a wife mom is a mom,this he should differentiate.girls should also not take the upperhand. Rather both of them should
talk it undersover and tand. its their life its for them to decide.:wave
vasudha

varalotti · Apr 20, 2007

Dear Pritirach,
Sorry for the delay in responding to your post. I was away from IL for a month or so.

You have raised a very pertinent question. Who feels more threatened, the DIL or the MIL. You set me thinking. I think it is the MIL who feels more threatened by DIL. Thats why she tightens her hold on her son and many times does not even let her DIL go near her son. Thats the worst part.

In our society the DIL leaves her family and comes to live in her husbands house. She is already frightened by the alien surroundings. Now if her MIL does not allow her DIL to server food to her husband or do some little chores for him, the DIL will feel utterly hopeless. At those times the MIL should gracefully step away, which rarely happens.

Hats off to your husband for maintaining the balance of power. Believe me Prithi it is worse than sustaining a coaltion government. Good job. And I admire you for your nice sentiments in bringing up your boy not as a mama's boy but as an independent human being.

regards,
sridhar

varalotti · Apr 20, 2007

Hello Vasudha,
An average mil has the typical attitude of a student who has been ragged on his first day in the college. He thinks, "since I went through it I do have a right to inflict the same pain on my juniors."
Once I was a moderator in an open forum which was discussing the problems the students faced because of their parents. It was a ladies college. A few hundred beautiful girls were tearing their parents to pieces. I am also a parent and so were my fellow moderators. Some of them were seething within.
I stood up and told them, "Girls one of you take note of whatever hardships you had from your parents. Make enough number of copies and distribute them to all the girls here. Keep it safe with your certificates. Remember when you become a parent one day, just take it out and read it. Do not do whatever parents did to you."
There was no doubt an applause and a few words of praise. But did they implement it? Did they walk their talk? We need to ask their children.

Now all present day DILs who are going to be tomorrows MILs mark this point. We will put an end to the DIL harassment at least from the next generation.

regards,
sridhar

krishnaamma · Apr 20, 2007

Hi Sridhar,

Are you Back ? :mrgreen: I am so happy:yes: We missed you sooooooooooooooooo much. Have you started new thread? Before I answer your question you went on Vacation. Any how you came back, please Start a New thread. I am waiting for that. :-D

varalotti · Apr 20, 2007

Hi Krishnaamma,

Yes, I am back. And thanks a ton for those kind words. I am starting a new serial story. titled SHE. I have posted the curtain raiser in my main forum. Please go through that and let me have your views.

In the forum Wednesdays With Varalotti I am going to post matters in lighter vein just to balance the heaviness of the story. I have posted something now which has been inspired by Cheeniyas posts.

Please also read my come-back post which is in the Announcements Forum.

Thanks once again, Krishnaamma,
sridhar