Great Shape Great Shape [font=Verdana,]An elderly couple go to their doctor for a checkup. The man goes in first. "How're you doing?" asks the doctor. "Pretty good," answers the old man. "I'm eating well, and I'm still in control of my bowels and bladder. In fact, when I get up at night to pee, the good Lord turns the light on for me." The doctor decides not to comment on that last statement, and goes into the next room to check on the man's wife. "How're you feeling?" he asks. "I'm doing well," answers the old woman. "I still have lots of energy and I'm not feeling any pain." The doctor says, "That's nice. It sounds like you and your husband are both doing well. One thing though - your husband said that when he gets up to pee at night, the good Lord turns the light on for him. Do you have any idea what he means?" "Oh No," says the woman, "He's peeing in the refrigerator again." :bang:bang:bang[/font]
A typical gujju businessman [font=Arial,Helvetica,Sans Serif] [/font][font=Arial,Helvetica,Sans Serif]There was once a Gujarati Bhai Patel, owning a shop, living in USA, and he was involved in a car accident. At the hospital, when he awoke, he called for the nurse to find out what had happened to him. I'm very sorry, sir, but you were involved in a very bad car crash. "Car crash! My Corolla!! Is my car all right?" he asked hysterically. "Sir, your car was destroyed, but that is the least of your worries - you lost your left arm in the crash, and we were unable to save it," she said apologetically. "I lost my arm? My Swiss Watch! My Swiss Watch!!" "Sir, please calm down. That is the least of your worries. You are in a very critical condition, but all your family is here to see you." He asked for his family to be called in. As they gathered around the bed, he called for each of them by name. "Alpa, are you here?" "I am here dear, and I will never leave you", said Mrs. Patel. "Diness, are you here?" "I am here father, and I will never leave you." "Kalpess, are you here?" "I am here father, and I will never leave you." "Kamless, my son, are you here?" "I am here father, and I will never leave you." "Paress, my child, are you here too?" "I am here father, and I will never leave you." "Well" said patel thoughtfully, "Alpa, Diness, Kalpess,Paress and Kamless are here....... and if all of you are here, ................... ............. ........... THEN WHO THE HELL IS IN THE S(H)OP!!!!!????" he cried loudly. ... »:bang:bang:bang[/font]
Na Tum Janno Na Hum [font=Arial,Helvetica,Sans Serif] NA TUM JANNO NA HUM kyon chalti hai pawan because of evoporation kyon jhoome hai gagan because of earth's revolution kyon machalta hai mann because of eccessive respiration na tum janno na hum but i just gave all the answers !!!! kyon aati hai bahar because of change in season kyon lutata hai kaarar becuase of mental tension kyon hota hai pyaar because of fatal attraction na tum janno na hum like i said these are all science phenomena kyon gum hai har disha because u have lost the sense of direction kyon hota hai nasha because of drug addiction kyon aata hai maaza but science gives all the information clap:clap [/font]
Going Home Early Going Home Early [font=Verdana,]There are three ladies working together in the same office - a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. After a while, they begin to notice that each day their boss, who is also female, leaves work early. After this pattern continued for a few weeks, one day they decide that as soon as their boss takes off they'll leave right after her; after all, she never comes back or calls so how would she know? So, after their boss takes off they all leave as planned. The brunette was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at her spa before meeting her dinner date. The redhead was thrilled to be home early; she did a little gardening and went to bed early. As for the blonde, she was so happy to finally come home early for once. But when she got to her bedroom she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly, quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with HER BOSS! Ever so gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house without saying a word. The next day during their coffee break, the brunette and redhead mentioned leaving early again and asked the blonde if she wanted to go with them. "NO WAY!" The blonde exclaimed, "I damn near got caught yesterday!" [/font]
A Daughter's letter to her Dad ............ [font=Arial,Helvetica,Sans Serif]A Daughter's letter to her Dad ............ A father passing by his daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed to "Dad" With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands: Dear Dad, It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you. I've been finding real passion with John and he is so nice-even with all his piercing's, tattoo's, and his tight Motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion dad, i am pregnant and John said that we will be very happy.Even though you don't care for him as he is so much older than me, he already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. John taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so John can get better; he sure deserves it!! Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit you so you can get to know your grandchildrens. Your Daughter, Christine PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbour's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. Please sign it!!! I love you Dad! Call me when it is safe for me to come home!! [/font]
T-Day T-Day [font=Verdana,]A young wife, who was becoming frustrated with her young husband constant demands for sex, decides to make a schedule for him, to cut down on the amount of times that they will have to make love for the rest of their marriage. While getting ready for work, she writes on a piece of paper, "Honey, you know I love you, but your never ending requests for sex are leaving me drained and really tired. So I propose that we only have sex on days that start with the letter 'T', to minimise the frequency of our lovemaking sessions. Don't be mad at me honey, just understand where I am coming from, and let me know if my request is too demanding of you." On her way out the door, she uses a refrigerator magnet and sticks the note to the fridge door, hoping that her sex craved husband will be understanding and accepting of her proposal when he reads it. Upon returning home, she glances at the refrigerator and notices that her note has been replaced with a note from her husband that reads, "Baby, I didn't' realise that I was putting you under so much pressure and I'm sorry. I accept your proposal and have even taken the extra step of listing at the bottom of this letter, those days starting with the letter 'T' to make sure that we are on the same page. 1. TUESDAY 2. THURSDAY 3. TODAY 4. TOMORROW P.S. I love you too, and remember it's still TODAY, I am waiting for you upstairs." :thumbsup [/font]
Twenty Dollars Twenty Dollars [font=Verdana,]A drunk in a bar pukes all over his own shirt, which was brand new before he came in. “Damn,” he says. “I puked on my shirt again. If the wife finds out, she’s gonna kill me.” “Not to worry,” says the bartender as he sticks a $20 bill in the drunk’s pocket. “Just tell her someone puked on you and gave you some cash to cover the cleaning bill.” So the drunk goes home and tells his wife about the guy who puked on him. She reaches into his pocket and finds two twenties. “Why are there two twenties?” she asks. The drunk replies, “Oh, yeah, he crapped in my pants, too.” [/font]
Bad Memory Bad Memory. One day sardarji was sitting in his office on the thirteenth floor of a building when a man came running in to his office and shouted "Beppo Singh, your daughter Preeto just died in an accident" Beppo Singh was in panic. Not knowing what to do he jumped from his office window while coming down when he was near the tenth floor he remembered he didn't have a daughter named preeto. When he was near the fifth floor he remembered he was not married.When he was about to hit the ground he remembered he was not Beppo Singh. :bang:bang:bang
