Armless Man Armless Man [font=Verdana,]An armless man walked into a bar which is empty except for the bartender. He ordered a drink and when he was served, asked the bartender if he would get the money from his wallet in his pocket, since he has no arms. The bartender obliged him. He then asked if the bartender would tip the glass to his lips. The bartender did this until the man finished his drink. He then asked if the bartender would get a hanky from his pocket and wipe the foam from his lips. The bartender did it and commented it must be very difficult not to have arms and have to ask someone to do nearly everything for him. The man said, "Yes, it is a bit embarrassing at times. By the way, where is your restroom?" The bartender quickly replies -, "The closest one is in the gas station three blocks down the street." :bang:bang:bang [/font]
Staying Young Staying Young [font=Verdana,]Some people grow old gracefully, while others fight and scratch the whole way. Andy's wife, refusing to give in to the looks of growing old, goes out and buys a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asks her husband - "Darling, honestly, if you didn't know me, what age would you say I am?" Looking over her carefully, Andy replied,... "Judging from your skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty five." "Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed. Just as she was about to tell Andy his reward, he stops her by saying... "WHOA, hold on there sweety!" Andy interrupted. "I haven't added them up yet!" tongue:tongue [/font]
How to make a woman happy........ How to make a woman happy........ It's really not difficult... To make a woman happy; a man only needs to be : 1. a friend 2. a companion 3. a lover 4. a brother 5. a father 6. a master 7. a chef 8. an electrician 9. a carpenter 10. a plumber 11. a mechanic 12. a decorator 13. a stylist 17. a psychologist 18. a pest exterminator 19. a psychiatrist 20. a healer 20. a good listener 22. an organizer 23. a good father 24. very clean 25. sympathetic 26. athletic 26. warm 27. attentive 28. gallant 29. intelligent 30. funny 31. creative 32. tender 33. strong 34. understanding 35. tolerant 36. prudent 37. ambitious 38. capable 39. courageous 40. determined 41. true 42. dependable 43. passionate WITHOUT FORGETTING TO: 44. give her compliments regularly 45. love shopping 46. be honest 47. be very rich 48. not stress her out 49. not look at other girls AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO: 50. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself 51. give her lots of time, especially time for herself 52. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes IT IS VERY IMPORTANT: 53. Never to forget: * birthdays * anniversaries * arrangements she makes HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY : 1 . Leave him in peace clap:clap
Difference between Des and Pardes Difference between Des and Pardes :tongue 10. Bhangra In Des - A vigorous punjabi festival dance. In Pardes - A dance you do at desi parties, when you don't know how to dance. 9. Engineer In Des - A person with a respectable job and lots of upper ki kamai (income from bribes). In Pardes - A person without a secure job, who always dreams one day he will start his own company and be rich. 8. Doctor In Des - A respectable person with modest income. In Pardes - A money making machine, who has a money spending machine at home called "doctor ki biwi" (doctor's wife). 7. Friend In Des - A person whose house you can drop in at any time of the day or night and you'll always be welcome. In Pardes - A person who you have to call first to check and make sure he is not busy. 6. Father In Des - A person you are afraid of, and who is never to be disobeyed. In Pardes - A person to whom you pretend to obey, after all he is the one paying your college tuition. 5. Son In Des - A teenager, who without asking will carry your grocery bags from the market. In Pardes - A teenager, who suddenly remembers he has lot of homework when you start mowing the lawn. 4. Daughter In Des - A lovely doll, who brings tears to your eyes when she leaves home with a man after getting married. In Pardes - A lovely doll, who brings you to tears when she leaves home with a man before getting married. 3. Husband In Des - A boring person, who listens more to his mother than you, and orders you around to serve him, his parents and siblings. In Pardes - Still boring, but now a useful person that comes in handy when the house needs to be vacuumed. 2. Wife In Des - A woman who gives you your underwear and towel when you go to take a shower. In Pardes - A woman who yells at you not to leave tub dirty when you go to take bath. 1. Mother-in law In Des - A women capable of making your life miserable. In Pardes - A women you never fight with, because where else you will find such a dedicated baby sitter for free? clap:clap
Driving Styles ... Driving Styles ... One hand on steering wheel, one hand out of window. - Sydney One hand on steering wheel, one hand on horn - Japan One hand on steering wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator... - Boston Both hands on steering wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror - New York Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat - Italy One hand on horn, one hand on holding gear, one ear listening to loud music, one ear on cell phone, one foot on accelerator, one foot on clutch, nothing on break, eyes on females in next car, - Welcome to INDIA! clap:clap
Please ask before u slap -------------- Please ask before u slap --------------:tongue A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that she was out of credit; she instructed her son - to use his own phone to pass across an urgent message to daddy who is at site. After junior had called, he got back to mummy to inform her that it was a lady that picked up daddy's phone the three times he tried reaching dad on the mobile. (Women!!) She waited impatiently for her husband to return from site, immediately she sighted him, she gave him a very hot slap, while the man was trying to ask why? She repeated the slap, people from neighborhood rushed around to know the cause of this. The man asked junior to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he called, junior said "the number u are Trying To call Is not Reachable At The Moment. Pls Try Again Later". tongue:tongue
Des Pardes Des Pardes and driving styles made me laugh heartily. There are so many things a woman wants from a man - the list seems endless! But simple soul that he is - he just wants to be left alone! But in reality men hanker for attention, someone to pamper their ego, look up coyly from beneath sweeping eyelashes and say "there's no one like you!" Sharada
Very true!!!! Hi Sharada, U are absolutely right..Its not only woman who wants to get pamper but more than that its their dear husband who are always ready to get pampered all the time.U know like " Tauliya lao type" in HUM TUM...They need to get things before they leave for office , when they come home proper good hot food, pressed clothes, neat n tidy desk which they leave dirty before leaving for office...and after doin all this if we expect little qualities from them what is mentioned in one of the humour i dont think its anything wrong...What u say??? :clap
Spaghetti!!!! [font=Arial,Helvetica,Sans Serif][font=Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Sans-serif]Spaghetti!!!!:tongue A very wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for several years. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discreet he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for child support payments to begin. One day, about 8 months later, he come home to his confused wife, who told him, "Honey, you received a very strange post card today." He said, "Oh, just give it to me and I will explain it later." The wife obeyed, and watched as her husband first read the card, turned white and fainted. On the card was written: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without."clap:clap[/font][/font]
Things I learned from my mother Jenny wrote a beautiful letter to her friend sharing things she learned from her mother!!!! 1. My mother taught me to APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning." 2. My mother taught me about RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" 4. My mother taught me about LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why." 5. My mother taught me about FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." 6. My mother taught me about IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about." 7. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone." 8. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks like a tornado went through it." 9. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!" 10. My mother taught me about the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." 11. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!" 12. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do." 13. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home." 14. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!" 15. My mother taught me about MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way." 16. My mother taught me about ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you'll be cold?" 17. My mother taught me about HUMOR. "When that lawnmower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." 18. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up." 19. My mother taught me about GENETICS. "You're just like your father." 20. My mother taught me about WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand. 21. My mother taught me about SHARING. " I’m going to give you a piece of my mind!" 22. My mother taught me about FEAR. "One day you'll have a child who'll do the same things to you." clap:clap
