Hubby always lies about his feelings

sandhiyasumi · Dec 27, 2011

Hi Ladies,

I had asked for your advice few months back and life was normal by following ur advices like talking nicely, etc. today we had a fight and it seems hubby has been lying to me all this time.He says "I have always given the answer you wanted because I was afraid that you will fight". Whatever manner i speak or whatever I do, it seems that it is not enough to him. He says am not adjusting. Is it so wrong to expect love, loving gestures from husband?
Also still we have not been intimate since marriage. I feel like dying when I think about his lying. How can I ever believe him again? How can be together without simple trust? But separation is not an option for me.

I am thinking of maintaining peace in family by doing whatever he says and do not expect his love. I hope to get a child and reserve all my feelings/emotions to my child from hereon. Is this feasible? Will it affect my child if it he/she is brought up in a situation like this?

It seems stupid to be in a marriage without love but I have no other option. I dont know if I will be able to survive this kind of life. But I believe I will do anything for my unborn child.

Ladies i have noone with whom i can share my feelings. Please give your suggestions. Expecting ur replies

GeethaMR · Dec 27, 2011

Sandhiya, I recall your thread that you had written in April. I am asking the questions:
1.How is your health now ?
2. Has your communication with him become better?
3. Is your being homemaker causing these problems, or is it some other reason in your DH mind?
4. 2.5 years and no intimacy is not common. Did you ask him if he has any problem like phimosis? Or is it that his behaviour is making you sad and no intimacy?

psych · Dec 27, 2011

You are having marital issues with DH and you want a child? Having a child will only make your life more miserable! dont plan on a child. have you taken up a job?

amunique · Dec 27, 2011

Dear,
just try doing this.. just dont expect anything from him for time being and be busy in ur own world... n see if this makes any difference....

you bring ur mind in a stable state by being peaceful then automatically these issues will get sorted out.

try bringing in physical intimacy... slowly... have patience .. things will settle... be positive...

sandhiyasumi · Dec 28, 2011

Hi Geetha,

Thanks for ur reply
1.My backpain problem is over. I am better now and getting healthier day by day
2. communication -thought it was better but not sure about it with him lying. I trusted all these days and now I know that he was lying. So dont know where we are now
3. He said homemaker is ok for now and I will start my job hunt in few months. When I ask him, he says that thee are no problems expect me getting angry. I dont know what is in DH mind and also dont trust my instincts regarding him since it was never correct
4. DH had decided no intimacy till my backpain is solved. We have been trying IC 3-4 days now. I find it difficult to relax,but we both are trying.

sandhiyasumi · Dec 28, 2011

psych - will be starting job hunt in 2-3 months. I think Dh also wants baby as there is pressure from his parents side

amunique - am trying to concentrate on other things, being positive and patient

thanks for both of your replies

sandhiyasumi · Dec 31, 2011

ladies,

there are so many people in IL who give wonderful advice and people who have more problems like abusive life, financial problems. I admire their courage and thinking. but how do u live in a loveless/emotionless marriage by concentrating other things? how are you able to concentrate?

rashmii · Dec 31, 2011

hi Sandhiya,

Sad reading your post.But i can understand what you are going through.Even i am in a similar situation.But i must say you have just got married b'coz for me it is more than a decade.Even today i am not able to trust my husband b'coz he keeps lying to me.So that faith in my married life is totally lost but for the sake of my parents who are too old i am continuing in this marriage.Any way i have developed interest in other things like having a hobby,doing part time job thereby keeping myself occupied.I don't say i am totally at peace but i am satisfied.Even i don't have a child but i am praying God to give me one.
So my suggestion is keep yourself occupied and remember one thing everybody comes alone into this world and everybody has to leave this world alone.So don't depend on anybody for your happiness.

indus2 · Dec 31, 2011

Let him be who he is, try to stop complaining and fighting as much as possible and the physical intimacy will return. Men (like me at least !) love easy-going women who dont sweat the small stuff ! I am sure you have good reasons to be unhappy with him but be patient and try to explain at the right moments (not when he comes back from work, but after good sex !) and take it one day at a time !

sandhiyasumi · Jan 7, 2012

rashmii am trying to mind my own business but then he interrupts

indus2 am trying to be patient but somehow we fight once in two or three days. Talking itself is a big struggle.

GeethaMR expecting ur reply.

Am trying to concentrate on my job and health but he irritates me so much. He doesnt even talks to me. But always says and thinks that everything is done keeping my welfare in mind