How's your relationship with your Mother-in-Law?

Re: Illogical MIL

Well, your FIL backs his wife up just like your husband backs you up!

A DIL is not a daughter, anymore than a MIL is a Mother. Do we treat our mothers the same way that we treat our MILs? Therein lies the answer.

My relationship with my MIL was VERY bad but it has tempered down somewhat in the past year. I don't take any crap from her and she knows better than to piss me off now. It's taken many years to get here but we're here finally, maintaining a healthy distance from each other!

 

Re: Illogical MIL

My In-laws are very good and have been very supportive in every decision DH & me made. I guess I am one of those lucky people to have nice IL's. but I do maintain my own distance. I guess it's better to keep it that way and even my MIL does it that way. My in-laws don't interfere in our lives. That's why DH & me are very happy. I guess I am one of those lucky people and I thank god for it every day

 

hi,,

its an old thread but still feeling to write .....might be because i like and respect my MIL ........

In the first weeks of marriage she used to taunt and scold me often because i did my studies abroad and she really didn't want her son to get married to a all time hostel bird like me.I think my MIL was a bit worried that i would wear jeans at home,won't cook or help her in the kitchen etc.But i every day i was wearing salwar and was helping her in cooking too.

once me and my DH came back after shopping she was like"oh u bought so many suits?that too all light shades,now u are married u should wear dark shades,red,green etc ok"i just smiled at her...but i was so angry after wards on my husband that"i want to go from here,i am scared of your mom"

But my DH was like"wait have patience,i am sure she will like u gradually"...i was a bit relieved after he said this and waited.....after our honeymoon when i went back to in laws place ,i still don't know what was the reason she was behaving so strange to me as if i am making her son spending so much on me etc....i was so depressed those days.........then next week she had to undergo a small surgery .......that time me and my co-sister were there to take care of her....we really have taken care of her properly.........but co-sister didn't had much patience to meet MIL all needs since she has a very naughty kid.......that days i had been there with MIL most of the time....she was telling me about how naughty my DH was when he was a small boy ,about his studies..etc...then i started liking my MIL ...........there stated a sweet relation..........after those days she likes me...
now she complains if i don't call her on alternate days.....my mom now teases me that"oh now u have a new amma so u dont care calling me right"
i am lucky,,,,,hope our relation will remain the same......sorry about my english i think its been a long long time i am writing something........H4 made me a lazybone...........

have a nice day:crazy

 

Re: I was a DIL, now am a MIL !

When my son got married, I had decided that I will never expect my DIL to think of me as her mother etc(I think it is nonsense to expect that from a DIL) since nobody can take the place of biological parents. I was very careful from the beginning & made sure that I will approach even my son only through her for any important decisions so that she will never feel left out. In fact I respect her a lot& I know that as a MIL, I will have some limitations. But strangely she has understood how careful I am & so she is very nice, sweet & friendly with me. But still I never take this relationship for granted & always put my best foot forward for this relationship to be smooth. I have decided that I will compromise from my side to any extent, beause they have a long way to go in life & I want them to have only good memories of me, after me. I feel it needs a lot of compromise to make a relationship work & we should never take anything or anybody for granted.

May be, you all feel I am a misfit in your young age group! I just thought aloud when I read all your postings.
Regards,
Chithra.[/quote]

DEar Chitvish Aunty,

MisFit...Ha ha ha, If only all the MILs described here could just take a page.. no, just one sentence from your book, this forum wd cease to exist...

Whats preventing these older women from just taking the esay route, the hands off approach, as in lets take our time to adjust to each other dear DIL, instead of putting all this effort to try & prove the 'my way or the highway' route?
I'd really like to hear your opinion on this chitvish Aunty..

 

Re: my dear friends

hi Raka,

I am completely agree with you, and you said very good point.
when i got married my mom told me same thing. whatever your mother in law says dont reply.
one day she will start to love you sure. and i did the same.
but now she is showing her real face, a very dirty cunning face.
she is doing back biting against me in front of my father in law and my husband as well.
i work full day in their office and end of the day. what you did? why you did? n all.
i am totally screwed.
dont know what to do?

please help all ladies.

 

Re: I was a DIL, now am a MIL !

oh maam you are awesome, i wish MIL infact i must say mom like you.
as you are loving your DIL,
i want suggestion to you or all ladies like you.
why mother in laws take revenge from their DIL.

 

the problem with inlaws and Dils in my opinion is in anyother relation like parents or friends or anone close to us we can always tell them what we feel without hesitating to some extent but when it comes to inlaws ,there is husband and wife relation at stake and there is this respect thing that comes in between ..
coming to my relation with my mil i always have this love-hate relation with her ,i dont understand if she likes me or she hates..sometimes i feel she is genuine ,sometimes i feel shes faking things and shes wicked .
God knows what goes on in her mind and me being a dumb one and i cant manipulate people and cant understand when iam being manipulated i still have to go a long way in understanding her .
To me she is fine but sometimes i cant stand her and i get very uncomfortable around her for no reason.
For you my suggestion would be,be patient and dont answer back to her as far as possible.Just listen to her as you hear to a radio and tell her that i cant eat not because your cooking is bad but becuase of so and so reason ..and go from there.

 

Read between the lines, everyone here who has posted shares a similar relationship with MIL. And count me in too.

 

It is nice to hear about ladies who have wonderful MIL's but unfortunately most of us are not so lucky... though my MIL is no more today but her bitter memories keep haunting me,, I really wonder if only she had been little considerate and loving I would have missed her today, I would have had good memories of her.. why didnt she realize all this what did she gain after all?
She was plain rude to me always but I could notice change in her when she is ill and hospitalized because then she required my help as her two daughters were in other state and cannot frequently come as and when she falls ill, so my service was badly needed and I dont remember how many days I have stayed with her in hospital to take care of her.. she use to often frequent to hospitals as she was diabetic, heart patient as well as high BP apart from Osteoporosis, but once home she use to think my services are not required any more and show her usual self which was very annoying...
Like Chitvesh Mam said why cannot all the MIL's understand that what u show is what u will get in return...