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How's your DH relation with your parents?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by klniha, Feb 5, 2012.

  1. klniha

    klniha Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi,

    My DH speaks to my parents in a reserved manner I.e when they ask him something he replies and occasionally laughs and jokes around in their presence. He is not proactive in discussions or never initiates a conversation let alone calling them. Due to this, I don't feel like talking to his parents freely. I also try to restrict but my MIL asks my DH to give phn all the time they talk and so I'm compelled to talk. My parents also feel it wudve been nicer if he was more free with them. But are all son in laws lik this? Does your DH make a good conversation with your parents?. My DH is shy nd reserved by nature. I kno he has nothin against them but coz I'm constantly telling him to be free nd talk them he becomes conscious nd tries to avoid even more. Then how do I tell him to be more free, not only my parents but colleagues too.

    Thanks everyone.
     
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  2. neha1

    neha1 Silver IL'ite

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    My DH is a little reserved too and does not talk much over the phone to anyone except his family. I was resentful of this because I thought my family should also count as family for him. He talks when my parents call and ask for him but he never initiates the call to them. About his parents, sometimes they ask for me and sometimes they don't. I myself call my MIL sometimes. Although, I used to think" why me when he does not do the same", I realized it was getting me nowhere. So I just continue with what I feel like doing. May be he will turn around one day or may be not :)

    Do what you feel like doing without spoiling any relationship,especially the one with your husband.
     
  3. rsk11584

    rsk11584 Silver IL'ite

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    Please dont force your hubby, he will not have same feelings as you have for your parents, so for him they are inlaws and so he speaks reserved and respected with them. Thats all, i dont think this can be problem.
     
  4. maya69

    maya69 Gold IL'ite

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    As your DH is reserved by nature i dont think you should play tit for tat and ruin your relationship with your in laws. Atleadt he is not nasty to your parents in any way. Some people are very open and comfoetable with new people and others takes time. Extrovert vs introverts. Have you and dh tried going on vacations or outings with your parents so they can get to know each other and make their own memories?

    I have the opposite problem. My dh and in laws are very welcoming and social while my mom is reserved and will hardly speak in big groups. My Dh would feel bad why she is not accepting. I had no answer. Its just the way she is. After many years my mom will have small conversations with dh and i leave it for them to figure out.
     
  5. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Just let him be. Obviously that is his nature. It is no use forcing to be very social with your parents if it does not come naturally. The good thing is he does laugh and talk to them. Maybe with time he might be more at ease with them. So long as he does not behave nasty to them or foul mouth them, I don't think you should worry too much about it.
     
  6. tanoshii

    tanoshii Platinum IL'ite

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    I agree with all that the ladies have mentioned above. And as long as he has a good relationship with them, you don't bother about it too much. You keeping things good with your in-laws is more important. So hope you work it out.

    After reading your post I got reminded of the situation in my own house. When ever my parents feel like talking to him, they call him..Its as simple as that. He is usually polite enough to talk to them at that time. Otherwise I know for a fact he'll never bother getting in touch..but it need not bother our current state of mind.
     
  7. Socialbee

    Socialbee Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Klniha,

    I am sailing in the same boat as urs. My H too does not talk and mingle with my parents much. But, my ILs keep calling us everyday. He speaks to them for long and ofcourse, I too have to talk to them daily whether or not I have anything in specific to speak :) I felt very bad initially and I let him go on his own. But, as days rolled over, this kind of differential treatment between two parents only made me more unhappy. Finally, I spoke to him about this one day and told him how I feel. Now, every weekend when he is at home, I call my parents and ask him to speak with them a few words . Though he does not talk much and everything is very formal, atleast I am happy that he spoke and my parents too are happy :) Hoping he will get closer to them with time.
     
  8. abcdguy

    abcdguy Silver IL'ite

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    What does DH mean? Distinguished Husband?
     
  9. SSC

    SSC Platinum IL'ite

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    LOL! DH == dear husband
     
  10. klniha

    klniha Bronze IL'ite

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    Thank you everyone. I guess I should give him some space. He is polite to them otherwise but has strong opinions and if he doesnt like or agree with something he expresses it out to the other person be it my parents or anyone else. I just wish he was little more outgoing, at least when they visit us.
     

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