How To Understand The Colleague Behavior

Jas82688 · Nov 30, 2017

hello ladies ,

I work for an IT company full time.. after I joined there is a new comer not my team but diff team basically from India .. so she tried to establish a relationship even I reciprocated and talked nicely with her .. we used to go for lunch n coffee along with 1 or other 2 ladies .. so when I was trying to send some baby stuff which was urgent to send to India this lady is going to India at that time I have emailed n pinged her asking if she is going to India she dint responded .. I took it light ..

Then after she came back from India we were like normal people used to hang over now no then in office .. one day she did not get her food so I have paid for her .. isn't it her responsibility to give that money back she is recently married where I have a family with 2 kids will have to see each n every penny when I spend .. I will not usually eat outside to avoid expenses unless necessary .. so I have thought leave it am not going to be Rich by those 10 bucks .. later she resigned n invited for farewell lunch along with her team .. I went there then all of sudden she left me in the restaurant joined her team they ordered food for her .. and have ended up ordering my food .. I saw some other in her team also ordered their own food .. if she told am giving farewell lunch who is going to bear the expenses ..?

All in all am not happy with her behavior since she left the company I accoumoanied her with smiling face but some where am hurt feel like people using me since am hesitant polite ..

Is this some thing really I have to worry or am over thinking ..

ShabnamF · Nov 30, 2017

Hi Jas,

I can understand not paying back the lunch money, maybe she forgot, or she thought you might feel offended if she paid you back. But inviting for a farewell lunch and making you pay for your lunch is not right. If I were you, even I would be unhappy with her behavior but I would also let that lady know how I feel. If nothing good can come out of it, nothing bad will happen either. Stop being so polite, it doesn't work, especially with people like her.

Jas82688 said: ↑

Is this some thing really I have to worry or am over thinking ..
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No, you don't have to worry, it's her mistake, point it out to her and let it off your chest. If you are thinking it will ruin your friendship, then you don't need friends like her.

You will come across many people like this, just brush them off and move on.

Cheer up!!

Jas82688 · Nov 30, 2017

ShabnamF said: ↑

Hi Jas,

I can understand not paying back the lunch money, maybe she forgot, or she thought you might feel offended if she paid you back. But inviting for a farewell lunch and making you pay for your lunch is not right. If I were you, even I would be unhappy with her behavior but I would also let that lady know how I feel. If nothing good can come out of it, nothing bad will happen either. Stop being so polite, it doesn't work, especially with people like her.

No, you don't have to worry, it's her mistake, point it out to her and let it off your chest. If you are thinking it will ruin your friendship, then you don't need friends like her.

You will come across many people like this, just brush them off and move on.

Cheer up!!
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Yeah exactly .. since it's her last day in company I did not express anything .. now I don't have to continue this relation but learned a lesson how smart people are .. I have genuinely helped her where she took advantage of me .. thanks for your advise yes I have to stop being polite at office with these kind ..

hino · Nov 30, 2017

Jas82688 said: ↑

Then after she came back from India we were like normal people used to hang over now no then in office .. one day she did not get her food so I have paid for her .. isn't it her responsibility to give that money back she is recently married where I have a family with 2 kids will have to see each n every penny when I spend .. I will not usually eat outside to avoid expenses unless necessary .. so I have thought leave it am not going to be Rich by those 10 bucks .. later she resigned n invited for farewell lunch along with her team .. I went there then all of sudden she left me in the restaurant joined her team they ordered food for her .. and have ended up ordering my food .. I saw some other in her team also ordered their own food .. if she told am giving farewell lunch who is going to bear the expenses ..?
Click to expand...

1. It depends on where you live. The outing lunch/dinner bills are separated on the table in Asian countries like Japan, hongkong. In India, we will think friends will take care and will pay next time. Some times its offending to ask for lunch bill. If it continues, then you should be careful with these smart people.

2. Farewell party?. Isnt this party from your team to farewell to her? . Depends on Geo again.

Looks like lot of communication problem..

GeetaKashyap · Nov 30, 2017

Jas82688 said: ↑

hello ladies ,

I work for an IT company full time.. after I joined there is a new comer not my team but diff team basically from India .. so she tried to establish a relationship even I reciprocated and talked nicely with her .. we used to go for lunch n coffee along with 1 or other 2 ladies .. so when I was trying to send some baby stuff which was urgent to send to India this lady is going to India at that time I have emailed n pinged her asking if she is going to India she dint responded .. I took it light ..

Then after she came back from India we were like normal people used to hang over now no then in office .. one day she did not get her food so I have paid for her .. isn't it her responsibility to give that money back she is recently married where I have a family with 2 kids will have to see each n every penny when I spend .. I will not usually eat outside to avoid expenses unless necessary .. so I have thought leave it am not going to be Rich by those 10 bucks .. later she resigned n invited for farewell lunch along with her team .. I went there then all of sudden she left me in the restaurant joined her team they ordered food for her .. and have ended up ordering my food .. I saw some other in her team also ordered their own food .. if she told am giving farewell lunch who is going to bear the expenses ..?

All in all am not happy with her behavior since she left the company I accoumoanied her with smiling face but some where am hurt feel like people using me since am hesitant polite ..

Is this some thing really I have to worry or am over thinking ..
Click to expand...

@Jas82688
Oh! You will often come across such callous people. Either you should be smart and shrewed to identify and tick them off in the beginning or become wiser after an episode. Be guarded with them the next time. Your goodness will be wasted on them. Don't brood and spoil your day. I have learnt this lesson the hard way, I still get outsmarted by such people so often!!!!!

MonikaSG · Nov 30, 2017

That's all is a matter of behaviour that different people have. In some offices people go for tea in group to gossip. Some of them are always ready to pay everyone's share and some don't even like to give their own share. You have to decide in which category you want to be in.

Sandycandy · Nov 30, 2017

If You are in the US this is completely normal behavior. Farewell lunch is always about paying for the person leaving and the rest of us take care of our own lunch. it’s possible she just forgot to return the lunch money that you paid for her . Since it was a one time thing , it’s not a big deal at all. If it happens again, you refrain from offering her money in the future.
The only issue with her behavior is not responding to your message when she was going to india . Again here , she is not obligated to take your stuff with her ( unless it’s medicines for someone ). Bags to India get really heavy , I prefer to keep it within limits so I can handle it myself without breaking my back. ( I have been handed things like underwear, huge skateboards, etc from inconsiderate acquaintances, now learnt to say no )

Jas82688 · Nov 30, 2017

Sandycandy said: ↑

If You are in the US this is completely normal behavior. Farewell lunch is always about paying for the person leaving and the rest of us take care of our own lunch. it’s possible she just forgot to return the lunch money that you paid for her . Since it was a one time thing , it’s not a big deal at all. If it happens again, you refrain from offering her money in the future.
The only issue with her behavior is not responding to your message when she was going to india . Again here , she is not obligated to take your stuff with her ( unless it’s medicines for someone ). Bags to India get really heavy , I prefer to keep it within limits so I can handle it myself without breaking my back. ( I have been handed things like underwear, huge skateboards, etc from inconsiderate acquaintances, now learnt to say no )
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Yes am in US.. when I was attending rest of farewells usually their manager pay n company will reuimburse that amount .. so was expecting same thing ..glad u informed me about this I will be careful n not get sudden surprise .. About India trip yeah she should have responders saying no atleast I don't feel bad if she says no but not responding at all is some what wrong I felt .. am trying to understand diff people bahaviours in another country ..

Jas82688 · Nov 30, 2017

MonikaSG said: ↑

That's all is a matter of behaviour that different people have. In some offices people go for tea in group to gossip. Some of them are always ready to pay everyone's share and some don't even like to give their own share. You have to decide in which category you want to be in.
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Thank you .. I dint want to be neither in that category who pays always nor I dint pay even my share .. I am the type who will pay my share always if someone pays for me next time I will pay to balance ..

rajatagore · Dec 11, 2017

Jas82688 said: ↑

hello ladies ,

I work for an IT company full time.. after I joined there is a new comer not my team but diff team basically from India .. so she tried to establish a relationship even I reciprocated and talked nicely with her .. we used to go for lunch n coffee along with 1 or other 2 ladies .. so when I was trying to send some baby stuff which was urgent to send to India this lady is going to India at that time I have emailed n pinged her asking if she is going to India she dint responded .. I took it light ..

Then after she came back from India we were like normal people used to hang over now no then in office .. one day she did not get her food so I have paid for her .. isn't it her responsibility to give that money back she is recently married where I have a family with 2 kids will have to see each n every penny when I spend .. I will not usually eat outside to avoid expenses unless necessary .. so I have thought leave it am not going to be Rich by those 10 bucks .. later she resigned n invited for farewell lunch along with her team .. I went there then all of sudden she left me in the restaurant joined her team they ordered food for her .. and have ended up ordering my food .. I saw some other in her team also ordered their own food .. if she told am giving farewell lunch who is going to bear the expenses ..?

All in all am not happy with her behavior since she left the company I accoumoanied her with smiling face but some where am hurt feel like people using me since am hesitant polite ..

Is this some thing really I have to worry or am over thinking ..
Click to expand...

Learn to let go which are not comfortable to you!

Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but we rather have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.
Aristotle Philosopher