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How To Teach Empathy To 8 Year Old Boy

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by focussed, May 29, 2017.

  1. focussed

    focussed Junior IL'ite

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    Moms out there please help me .
    My son is 8 years old. Early this year his 2nd grade teacher was telling me that he needs to work on his empathy. He doesn't communicate well and is getting into trouble.He has this habit of grabbing stuff from other people without asking them . he does this to his younger brother at home too. I have been telling him many many times but he just doesn't listen. Even at home he doesnt listen the first time . Anything and everything i need to tell him 10 times or have to shout.At school looks like the other kids doesnt like him and keep complaining about him to the teacher saying he is mean etc.He doesnt complain when the kids behave meanly to him.He does have one close friend .He is good academic wise.
    Last week his principal called and told that my son got into trouble . Looks like he and his friend were sitting and eating and this 3 friend came and sat. My son asked the third friend which kumon center they are going to and the friend replied i am going to the one near a liquor store. the complaint is that my son asked the friend when you grow up will you work in the liquor store. My son is saying i didnt hear properly and asked what liquor store?. Looks like the friend got offended and started crying. two other kids came along and told about this incident to the yard duty and yard duty said my son needs to go to the principal.My son had issues with the two other kids and Yard duty person earlier before this incident. He was sitting and crying in the other lunch table and he was forced to the principals office.This happend on friday and i got the voicemail in the evening. I need your help in what i need to tell the principal on tuesday?
    Also how do i help my kid to develop this sense of empathy?

    Any help is highly appreciated
     
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  2. blindpup10

    blindpup10 Platinum IL'ite

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    Teaching empathy to children is to adopt certain practices at home. Not able to understand, see from others perspective or have no feelings for other person ---to an extent is what your son is feeling. Try to resolve your sons issue.

    *Don't order, don't shout ( even if he doesn't listen), just simply state "do your homework" or you won't get TV time".
    *Set consequences for his behavior.
    * don't repeat your instructions 10 times. He should be responsible to hear you the first time.
    * no means no. Don't keep sliding or adjusting to his needs and behavior.
    *Also adapt to giving choice- instead of saying- "do your homework now". Say something like " will you eat your snack and then do your homework or the other way around". giving them choice makes them feel they are in control.
    *try to have a one on one conversation and ask him why he is not able to follow instructions or why doesn't he ask permission before he takes things from friends/family. Take the first answers seriously, because that's what is truly on his mind.
    *try to ask your son what he would do if someone told him " he would work in the liquor store"? Based on the answer try to tell him- it's not wrong to be working in the liquor store. He should appreciate/ respect everyone's jobs. Explain to him someone somewhere makes the liquor, someone else buys the liquor on wholesale to sell to everyone. The world needs people of all kinds... we should be respectful of everyone.

    * this is more of a listening assignment to you. First listen to your son, collect his thoughts and try to make him see from your perspective.

    Hope this helps
    Goodluck
     
    Last edited: May 29, 2017
    sindmani, Amica, Naari and 2 others like this.
  3. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    I agree completely with @blindpup10 , I have done all of those points mentioned above. It really works.

    My son is the same age as yours. Years back I saw him snatching a toy from his friend while playing and another time pushing the friend. I told him "no". But it didn't work. So one day I snatched his toy and pushed him another day, I basically did what he did to his friends and asked "do you like it when I do this?" "No" "why?" "It hurts." "Well, it hurts them too. Stop doing it" then he understood.

    Now he's old enough to talk and understand, so I have conversation with him. He understands that if he doesn't like something then he shouldn't do that to others either as they won't like it too. I explain about the difference between pranks and hurting as well as they coming to that age now.

    One more thing, if he feels he is getting attention only when he does something naughty, he might continue doing it. So you need to give him attention and have full on conversation during normal times too. I listen to every silly thing my son comes up with and he says he wants me to know. So I have to listen, if at times, when am busy with something else or just not in the mood, I tell him that We can't talk right now, but will do so after so n so time. He says ok, then I myself go n ask him later. It's important to make them feel that we listen to them for them to listen to us better. Different generation, different way to deal :joycat:
     
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  4. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    Positive reinforcement is very essential . I assume your son is feeling the stress of other kids not liking him and getting into trouble . Work on building his self esteem and praise him when he is sharing and behaving empathetic . Since he has a younger sibling , use his day to day interactions with him to set an example. Schedule play dates with other kids if possible. Good luck to you and the son !
     
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  5. focussed

    focussed Junior IL'ite

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    Thanks everyone for the input!
     
  6. Sangeeta85

    Sangeeta85 Gold IL'ite

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    Don't worry wat u need to say,,Just listen to the principle n put ur son side of story too so she knows what it is..
    Tell him how would he feel if someone takes his toy from him without asking..
    At house ask him to get things u need n teach him that u still have to ask can I take it,bcz it's not ok to grab from u... make him feel how that sounds u do the same ..
    Make him play with sibling tell him to be nice ..
     
  7. sheztheone

    sheztheone Platinum IL'ite

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    I had similar issues when my son was 7.

    There would be complaints saying he did this and that, said this and that and other kids used to complain etc. My son too was very good academically and had a lot of general knowledge for a 7 year old. Initially DH and I would get very upset, but after some time and some discussion with other parents we discovered the following:

    1. There were some kids in the class that were ganging up on my son. One of them would provoke him and when he said/did something to retort or for self defense, all would immediately run to the teacher and complain.

    Also it did not help that my son is tall for his age and has a loud and clear voice, meaning whatever he said could be heard by everyone (even if other kids' offensive remarks could not be heard)
    Note that when kids turn 7 or 8, both boys and girls start to form cliques.

    2. Once the above kind of situation occurs 3-4 times, the classmates start labeling the kid as a troublemaker. Sometimes it so turns out that even when the kid is not completely at fault, everyone pounces on him.

    3. My son's class was multiracial, and we discovered that there was some racist bias which we strictly complained to the principal about.

    4. We also discovered that the classroom teaching methods in that grade did not stimulate my son intellectually, and he was extremely bored in the class. This pent up frustration was also causing him to act up sometimes and get into arguments with classmates.
    Find out if your kid is happy and stimulated in the school environment.

    5. As for the empathy part, it was something my son learned after regular explanation and giving examples.

    6. We also had open discussions with some other parents which helped us understand the actual situation. As their kids had a version that was different from the complaining kids.

    7. Also note that during discussion with the principal or class teacher, we never targeted any other kid but stayed focused on our kid and the situation.
    After some days, the principal also understood the actual situation and was supportive, besides having a word with other parents (of the kids who provoked etc) as required.

    Good luck and hope this helps.
    Remember that this is just a phase and will pass.
    Always spend some time talking to your son everyday about his day at school, and listen patiently to what he says.
     
    Last edited: Jul 1, 2017
    sindmani likes this.

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