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How To Surmount This Problem?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by adisum, Mar 18, 2019.

  1. adisum

    adisum Gold IL'ite

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    I am overwhelmed with the care and worry you all have shown for me.. When i was thinking i have no one to share my dilemma and to vent my heart out, I realized after reading so many positive thoughts from you all that I still have people who care for me... Thanks I will post my detailed problem soon as I have to hide using IL from my husband and in-laws and I am not coming to my job tomorrow. Yes i am working and that is the only time i am relaxed and somewhat happy.


    thank you everyone once again and specially @Cheeniya Sir. :)
     
    Afresh, joylokhi, vaasanthy and 13 others like this.
  2. adisum

    adisum Gold IL'ite

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    I am fine dear thank you for your care. I will be fine in my mental state soon as i am going to be active on IL now.
     
  3. adisum

    adisum Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks a ton @yellowmango ... yes better today... after reading so many positive replies getting even better now. thanks for your concern.
     
  4. Topaz49

    Topaz49 Gold IL'ite

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    Aditi, please update on the progress of the resolution to the situation. We are all here rooting for you and hope everything works out for you and your family. So glad that you are working.
     
    Last edited: Mar 21, 2019
    vaasanthy and Thyagarajan like this.
  5. Aarushi

    Aarushi Finest Post Winner

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    Hi Honey, take your time and when things feel difficult just stop and breathe. Have faith and the universe will protect you. Hugs
     
  6. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan Finest Post Winner

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    :hello:Honey in the ears Indeed!
    Regards
     
    vaasanthy likes this.
  7. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan Finest Post Winner

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    :hello:QUITE TRUE.
    Cosmic forces certainly would conspire to come OP’s way and offer tremendous relief.
    Regards.
    God Bless us All Always.
     
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  8. adisum

    adisum Gold IL'ite

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    I will try to come out of this but whenever I have tried so I have been pulled back. My mother in law , my husband both are anti social people, they always scold their own relatives and they have no good relations with anyone.

    From past 1 year of my marriage, I have not met with my friends even once coz my husband don't let me to go and meet them (all girls). At my workplace I have been invited to weddings of my male colleagues and mata ka jagran from my branch manager but my husband never went anywhere , he just simply denies that we will not go there and the reason is we have no time to waste on others. At the same time what he will do at home is ordering me of making different kind of snacks and dishes and never seeing that I am also tired of daily routine.

    He didn't try to take me out on his own wish. If i will force him , he will agree to it and then later on he will scold me of the expenses made on that travel.

    I am feeling like my throat is constantly gripped by him , his mother and I can't get out of that grip anytime in this life. I feel like I am trapped in this situation for lifetime. I never stops him to go anywhere but he never agrees to the place where I want to go.

    Can any one of you tell me the solution to this ? How can I make him understand that I also need to socialize and there is no harm to go on other people's functions. When we went on my cousin's wedding, he was jealous of me getting some pictures clicked with my own mother and sister. He spoiled that function and then later he blamed me that everyone was enjoying there but you spoiled the day for me. I am tired of listening to the blames on me.

    If i get ready and looks good on a regular office day, he will say " For whom you are getting so ready, its just an office" and if I dont put my lipstick on then he will say "do you feel ashamed of me being married to you thats why you are preferring a single girl looks" After all this, I still go and apologize to him just to clear the air of tension. I think that is my biggest mistake but i can see that he will never come and apologize and then later on blames me only that I have an attitude. He was not like this before marriage.
     
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  9. GeetaKashyap

    GeetaKashyap IL Hall of Fame

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    First and foremost, trust yourself and your instincts. Develop self-esteem and confidence. Never ever speak about running away from troubles; suicide is not the solution.

    Feel sorry for what you are going through. In most marriages this kind of mismatch exists. In the olden days, women adjusted and sacrificed a lot to keep marriages steady in the eyes of the world. Now you have many more ways of dealing with these issues. Since your hubby isn't social, when both of you are calm suggest couple counselling. This could help to save your marriage. If not, at least find a good counsellor and seek individual counselling to understand and deal with your situation. Please avoid pregnancy till your situation improves as others have already suggested. You may also discuss this issue with your parents.

    Your husband seems to lack confidence in himself, hence this kind of behaviour. Counselling will help a great deal.

    Life is precious, take care of yourself.

    All the best.
     
  10. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Gold IL'ite

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    Looks like he suffers from inferiority complex and some kind of paranoia . If I were you, I would start looking for ways to exit this marriage. I think its unlikely he is ever going to change . You are just one year to it and I dont think you realize that you are in an emotionally abusive situation. Marriage is based on trust , respect not control and emotional manipulation .
    Your life is largely what you make of it despite it feeling otherwise. So 5 years from now, will we see a post from you mentioning the same problems with a kid added into the picture or will we see you as a bold confident woman who doesn't tolerate crap from people and who chose to take brave decisions so that her future self could live a life of dignity and respect.
    and seriously no hon, you shouldn't think of taking your life for these people.THEY ARE NOT WORTH THAT.
     

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