You make the effort because it is in your best interest. You use all that you have listed to your advantage. For now, let your parents handle the insults she dished out to them. "Not talking to you", "don't bother if you are there are not" -- these can be turned around to be of good use to you while you also "work on the relationship" as your husband wants you to. You can define what "work on relationship" means. It is like a parent tells a child to "clean the room" without defining exactly what a clean room means. The smart child will come up with his definition, make it a reasonable one, and show that he made sufficient effort without breaking a sweat.