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How To Strengthen My Marriage - Need Support And Advice Please

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by zahra123, May 12, 2019.

  1. mimi77

    mimi77 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi OP,
    First let me tell you, if you get updates of this post in your email account and your account is open in multiple devices you will surely ruin everything... If your husband gets to know your feelings about your ex, you will face miserable consequences.... Pls take immediate action.... Try to forget your ex... This is a dangerous situation to be in and surely calls to ruin your happy married life... Focus on the positives of your marriage and husband.... Date him more often....try to relive your younger days with your hubby.... Relive the young romantic days with your hubby.... Pls remove your ex from all your social media accounts and forget everything about him.... Don't invite this trouble into your life....You are better off without your ex... You never know, your life could have been bad had you married your ex... Everything happens for a reason... Count your blessings everyday.... You are blessed to have your husband in your life.... Just forget about your ex... This ex chapter of your life should be just over...
     
  2. mimi77

    mimi77 Gold IL'ite

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    If your ex had been a very good person and you broke up amicably without any kind of fight, it's even more difficult to forget him.... Just imagine if your husband and your ex's wife get to know about your feelings for each other, things will take a very bad shape.....Children are also involved in your marriage.... Everyone will start blaming you and humiliating you.... Take your emotions in your control right away and try to strengthen your bonding with your husband.... Just a friendly advice... Pls take it positively...
     
  3. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    This.
    When a person marries,the expectation is that you are getting a partner who loves you and not pinning away for the ex flame .

    No man will accept his spouse being in love with another man and pinning for him,sending him mails proclaiming her love for him and regreting not marrying the ex. This means she regrets marrying her husband even after being married for 5 years and bearing his two children.

    She should do this confessing if she is looking for a way out of the present marriage.

    Op....this amounts to cheating. Emotional cheating .
    I feel bad for your husband .

    I may be naive here...but I don't understand how anyone can have two children with someone and still be pining and hurting for another.

    The guy got married before you did, has a beautiful family and is over you .Don't feel guilty about him because he has a spouse who loves him and not some ex.
    He got lucky unlike your husband.

    See a counsellor . See if you are looking for a father in your ex. Don't put the baggage of your past on your husband.

    No one has everything.
    Some get good fathers.
    Some get good husbands
    Some get good sons.

    Treasure what you have . Don't throw away your marriage for a mirage .




    If you want to strenthen your marriage ,do what you would expect your husband to do if he was pinning for his ex and mailing him about how much he loves her and regrets not marrying her.
     
    Last edited: Jun 4, 2019
  4. mimi77

    mimi77 Gold IL'ite

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    OP one more advice, as you said you met online and couldn't help telling him how much you loved him, you made a very big mistake..... Never leave any kind of electronic footprint... These will boomerang on you any moment.... Generally spouses of good exes are horrible.... They will save all your WA and FB and whatever online messages you send to blackmail you later.... (I mean if he has a horribly smart wife).... This can be really tricky and nasty..... His wife can go to the extent of documenting all your acts and will nicely present to your husband.... I'm telling you, you and your ex will fall into trouble very badly and then your ex will blame you for the reconnection and when things go horribly wrong, one person who will support you and safeguard you from all humiliation is your very own husband.... Don't cheat on your husband... They are meant to be treated with live and respect.... Generally these ex boyfriends try to reconnect to haunt you and to mess up your happy married life... They have voids in their life and will try to screw up your happiness big time.... Just ask him to go away .....Telling you all these from experience..... Don't misunderstand me if I have unknowingly hurt you in any way
     
    Anusha2917 likes this.
  5. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 IL Hall of Fame

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    This thought alone should stop OP from keeping any contact with ex.
    To be mindful of the outcome should help one overcome from such feelings/thoughts.
     
  6. zahra123

    zahra123 Senior IL'ite

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    I am trying to forget things. Its much better now. I think a month of fasting has really helped me. Situation and thoughts are much under control. You are really true about the reminder about consequences. It really scared the hell out of me, but that was much needed.! I don't have intentions to hurt anyone, especially my husband. I know I have done mistakes in my life be it before or after marriage - contacting ex was surely one of them - but that time I truly had no control over my emotions. I must try to minimize the effect. Hope things won't turn out to be worse.
     
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  7. zahra123

    zahra123 Senior IL'ite

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    If you have read my replies and post, there was no contact with ex for the last 2 years. So there is already no need to tell him to go away. We both were having similar thoughts, ie. not to hurt our spouses and to stop contacts.

    My current problem was lack of peace and my failure to re-establish good emotional connection with my hubby. To some extent, I have gained it back over last few months.
     
    SinghManisha likes this.
  8. Sandyr46

    Sandyr46 Finest Post Winner

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    Zahra, please put ur past behind and move on. Whats important is ur present the life with ur husband n kids. Live this moment. Dont complicate brooding over past which will invariably ruin ur present. GOD has blessed u with a beautiful family. Make memories with them. There are many out there who yearn for this happiness. Ur blessed. Stay blessed and happy. Sandya
     
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  9. mimi77

    mimi77 Gold IL'ite

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    Dear OP, I'm glad to know that you are trying to reestablish emotional connect with your husband. Give your best into your marriage and just leave your past behind....Good luck
     
  10. hermitcrab

    hermitcrab Gold IL'ite

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    OP,
    How did you find Indusladies?

    How old are your children?

    Many of us here are expats. From somewhere, live somewhere.
    Where are you from and where are living now? No exact answers just some general location..

    The reason I asking this questions is that I am reading a loneliness in your post. This kind of loneliness can be due to lack of assimilation is the current place of living. Totally different take, on your question- but I feel you are looking for some friends, gal friends may be, some community, you are lacking social support and social connections.

    From your profile you are from UAE, is it true? Are you expat? IF you are, you can find many community related to your country of origin and make friends.

    As your children get older, you can talk to them. And also make friends with their friends mothers. How old are your children? Are they talking in sentences yet? Once your children are older, life will be hectic.

    You can also find religious based groups. They are also good. Find something with less religion more socialization.
     
    Last edited: Jun 20, 2019
    SinghManisha likes this.

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