Your post made me heavy hearted. One thing you can do is think of your kids and his kids. They need loving parents and a family unit to feel safe and secure, any mild disturbance in that will impact the kids the most. Keep this as a mantra in your mind daily and forget him. Women are emotional and their mind is overactive. So doing meditation and focusing on ur breath for 20 min daily will control ur hyper active mind, working out in gym will bring positive thoughts and all these past thoughts and feelings will go down. Plan a nice vacation with ur family and that planning and booking process and researching abt the place with ur dh wil bring u closer to him and u will slowly forget ur ex. Hike with ur family in weekends as being in nature will bring so much clarity to mind. Ur mind is refusing to let go, train ur mind to plan new stuff in weekends with ur hubby so u will see the present and let go past Goodluck dear. Atleast u are so lucky to have 2 amazing men in your life, lot of us here are not that lucky.