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How To Shut Up Mean Mils ?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by KayaCholan, Feb 15, 2019.

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Feb 16, 2019 #11

sarvantaryamini Gold IL'ite

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My MIL was doing this and I told her to the face and she stopped. FIL once entered when I was breastfeeding and got an earful from DH and that was it.

sarvantaryamini, Feb 16, 2019

sarvantaryamini, Feb 16, 2019

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Feb 16, 2019 #12

mangaii Finest Post Winner

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There is a world called communication. Why is sex considered as taboo topic ?
Just let MIL know that they need privacy. Instead of using her brain to devise such a way if she would have used her mouth to talk or used her hands to install a lock it would have been better. Sorry to say but this thread is created in such a poor taste.

mangaii, Feb 16, 2019

mangaii, Feb 16, 2019

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Feb 16, 2019 #13

SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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Why blame the MIL? this is a case of the newly married couple ( or the husband maybe) not using their common sense and installing a lock.

SinghManisha, Feb 16, 2019

SinghManisha, Feb 16, 2019

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Feb 16, 2019 #14

Jas82688 Silver IL'ite

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mangaii said: ↑

There is a world called communication. Why is sex considered as taboo topic ?
Just let MIL know that they need privacy. Instead of using her brain to devise such a way if she would have used her mouth to talk or used her hands to install a lock it would have been better. Sorry to say but this thread is created in such a poor taste.
Click to expand...

Yes correct that’s what I felt .. why there is no much drama and plan for such small thing ..

Jas82688, Feb 16, 2019

Jas82688, Feb 16, 2019

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Feb 16, 2019 #15

Jas82688 Silver IL'ite

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KayaCholan said: ↑

Hi All,

I know there are lot of DILs here suffering in the hands of mean MILs. Ofcourse there is two sides to the coins and many MILs are also suffering in the hands of mean DILs too. But this thread is focused on MILs who give tough time to DILs and take them for granted. I want to know what are some of the good lines you have said to your MILs to shutup her up ? Or good ways you have tackled an issue. I think it could be good lesson to all young women here and also women who are afraid or cannot stand up to their MILs.

I will start with an example: My friend and her hubby moved into a new home and none of the rooms had locks. Her MIL would enter my friends bedroom anytime she wanted during the day mostly but without knocking. My friend hated this is lack of privacy and indirectly tried to make her stop by this habit but it didnt stop. She would indirectly say to MIL we are going to rest and have a nap for an hour, but MIL would still barge in to take something from the room or take charger or something ! This stopped my friend being initiate with hubby in the fear of MIL walking in. But since non of the indirect things worked, she devised a plan. One weekend after lunch she told her MIL I am going to take a afternoon nap and followed hubby to the bedroom. As usual she knew MIL will barge in some 30 mins later to take something. So she decided to get intimate with hubby and get into it. As expected MIL barged in, my friend and her hubby were in the middle of private time. MIL immediately closed door and went off embarrassed. Later in the night my friends hubby told his Mom - 'please knock the next next time you come into the room, especially if the door is closed'. MIL learned her lesson and never opened their door when its closed.

I think the lesson I take from this is, sometimes if you cant find direct ways to convey a message or stop a behaviour then you can still find other ways to convey it. Just need to be smart and sometimes use other props for it haha
Click to expand...

Op leave that teaching lesson to mil part .. what is stopping your friend to put locks to rooms atleast for bed room ..? Today mil .. and tomorrow relatives .. do they have kids ..? How they will teach lesson to kids of small kids ran into bedrooms ..? Why so much drama ..? Just install locks it would have solved prob completly .. and you think it’s a smart way to solve that prob ..?

Jas82688, Feb 16, 2019

Jas82688, Feb 16, 2019

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Feb 16, 2019 #16

sarvantaryamini Gold IL'ite

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Jas82688 said: ↑

Op leave that teaching lesson to mil part .. what is stopping your friend to put locks to rooms atleast for bed room ..? Today mil .. and tomorrow relatives .. do they have kids ..? How they will teach lesson to kids of small kids ran into bedrooms ..? Why so much drama ..? Just install locks it would have solved prob completly .. and you think it’s a smart way to solve that prob ..?
Click to expand...

No, something similar happened in our case. Apartment rules mandate no locks to any rooms (fire safety I was told). So possible that locks to rooms are not allowed. But telling face to face should be enough. In my case, they used to take care not to come in when DH was in, but not when I was alone. Told her once that I might be changing, doing something private and I don't like if it she just barges in. She just bided by it. FIL, not so much, but after that one incident, he never came in without knocking.

sarvantaryamini, Feb 16, 2019

sarvantaryamini, Feb 16, 2019

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Feb 16, 2019 #17

virtualkv2020 Platinum IL'ite

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My mil walks in if the door is open, but wouldn't barge in if the doors are closed.Fil never enters my room as he is very dignified.I once caught my mil red handed trying to open my cupboard and asked her what she was doing.She was curious but never repeated it again.Most Indian families aren't taught to knock or ask before coming in.I was raised differently and always knock or ask before entering my parents/pils room.Its better to install locks or tell them politely.It works!

Last edited: Feb 16, 2019

virtualkv2020, Feb 16, 2019

virtualkv2020, Feb 16, 2019

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Feb 18, 2019 #18

KayaCholan Bronze IL'ite

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Hi guys,

Everyone wondering why couldn't put locks - it was a rented house and they cant install locks without reaching out to the owners through the real estate agent. This whole process took a month or two and the inlaws were visiting at that time. My friend also told her MIL not to enter the room when locked, she also used the word 'privacy' instead of actually spelling out the word sex. It didnt work. She spoke to her hubby about it and asked him to say something but he didn't take her seriously because he kept saying they are here only for a short time etc (until he saw reason eventually).

Anyway, this thread is not about that particular example but just understanding that sometimes inlaws in our culture can be intrusive and controlling and no amount of sweet taking or open conversations can help. Sometimes we have to resort to other means to solve an issue - might mean being manipulative or using the hubby as a mediator without coming across as a bitch.

KayaCholan, Feb 18, 2019

KayaCholan, Feb 18, 2019

#18

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Feb 18, 2019 #19

Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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KayaCholan said: ↑

Hi guys,

Everyone wondering why couldn't put locks - it was a rented house and they cant install locks without reaching out to the owners through the real estate agent.......
Click to expand...

Interior doors at home open inwards; haven't they heard of "Door Stops" ? lots of objects can be used as door stop wedgies.
Or buy one from the local market, or flipcart, amazon, bigbasket etc..

Last edited: Feb 18, 2019

Amulet, Feb 18, 2019

Amulet, Feb 18, 2019

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Feb 18, 2019 #20

Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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jillcastle said: ↑

I wonder what goes thru in these MILs minds? I mean who would just barge into a married couple's room even if it is your own son, especially if the door is closed. I mean seriously??? I still have a long way to go, but I just cant imagine doing this to my child. Its so gross.
Click to expand...

We are Indians, ma. Privacy is a western concept. The DIL comes into the household and suddenly the son is all about privacy and door locks.

===
Anyway, how can anyone just barge into a married couple's room is beyond my comprehension too. Not only that, it is considered rude and unloving to tell a brat not to climb on the bed where the couple are resting or will be resting. The sight of dusty footprints and grimy handprints on the bedsheet is enough to turn off the yet-coy new bride. I've been witness to many a morning-after-wedding-night scenario where little pests in the form of kids of relatives/guests insisted on entering the still-closed room of the newly weds, and smiling, indulgent parents commenting that munna/munni could not wait to meet new aunty.

Good Lord, even to an innocent 10 or 12 year old me (pre mills&boon age), it struck that something was not right.

Rihana, Feb 18, 2019

Rihana, Feb 18, 2019

#20

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