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How To Shut Up And Focus

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by sarvantaryamini, Feb 15, 2020.

  1. AmulB

    AmulB Silver IL'ite

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    @kkrish,
    Can you share more info on this subject. I am one of these venting types and I do that w my mom or sometimes even w my H which is a big no. And sometimes I even go in self pity mode thinking all misery I went through in hard times and kind of let it out and look for someone to hear me out and get off the chest. How to deal all this silently? It’s surprising that there is such practice to do it alone.
    Plz share more info, is it like meditation or you keep saying it out when u r alone. Tia
     
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  2. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    Albeit my difficulty following the dialog without English subtitles, I watch desi movies in Telugu, Hindi, Tamil, and Malayalam. One of the weird things in some older movies is the nature of villains, the guy who does bad/horrible things to the parents of the hero (who would be only a child at that time).

    The wronged child will grow up into a strapping young fellow, who can beat up 50 goondas at a time, and not break a sweat. When this hero comes up for a one-on-one fight with the villain (of his parents' generation), the villain would be equal to him in strength and fighting technique for an interminable length of movie footage, before he goes down in a bloody pulp, and the police arrives to scoop him up. The movie that took this theme to the extremes is the SRK melodrama called "Om shanti Om". :facepalm::facepalm::facepalm: And btw, this is not unique to Indian movies; most spagetti westerns follow this plot. Child would watch bad-guy burn the homestead down, and gun down his parents..... and couple of decades later he would come back to kill the baddies. And the baddies would look so trim and fit, like they'd been overdosing on vitamins all their lives.

    "Revenge is a Dish that is best served Cold" is an expression originated in the 1800s from French. The idea behind this is that revenge is more satisfying when one has had time to prepare vengeance that is well-planned, long-feared, or unexpected.

    This is the rationale for the ideas to exhaust oneself in some physical exercise, rest and then refocus the energies in the recovery, before planning to get back to the issue. "Survive to fight another day" --scheme is better than dying for some stupid point to make.
     
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  3. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello: You have put it very hilarious. ROFLOL.
    THIS IS IN VOGUE FROM HAROLD Robbins time - in Adventurers - Dax goes through such a moment.


    This line - rib tickling. Yes. It ridicules intelligence.

    Quite a beverage in movies & in real life too.
    Thanks and Regards.
     
  4. kkrish

    kkrish Finest Post Winner

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    Hi @sarvantaryamini
    While i am no psychoanalyst or psychiatrist or any medical pro, may I be allowed a few comments/suggestions on some of the points.

    I think the first step to solving a problem is to admit it is there. You have done that.

    Now lets us examine your points.
    So by dropping the idea, has your life become worse?
    Has it affected any other person direly?
    If the answer is "no" then do not stress about it.
    This not following up with decisions is not unique to you. I do it all the time.
    At such times I also look at it this way, "perhaps it is for the best reason I dropped the idea", or sometimes even go one more step "perhaps 'Uparwala' did not want me to go with this decision".
    This helps me come to terms with and not be harsh on myself.

    This definitely needs to be worked on. You can find many articles on how to improve listening skills.
    Work on it slowly.

    Do you think negative about yourself, of others, or do you have a generally negative outlook on life itself?
    When I was a teenager, I had developed the habit commenting negatively about others all the time.
    If my friend wore a new dress, I would say, "what a bad color"/"it looks bad on her"/"it is too pricey/too cheap"......
    If a friend won a competition or achieved something, I had to make a disparaging comment.
    One day my dad sat me down and after a long talk on my abhoring behaviour he gave me an assignment.
    Every day I had to write something positive about someone, and something, and read it to him every evening.
    This imposition changed me. Turned me into a positive person, be happy for others, and to appreciate and value others for who they are.
    I too.
    We are introverts. Nothing to feel bad about. Let that not ruin your days.

    That is quite common too.
    The numerous times traffic goes slow in a tunnel near my home are because of drivers who are claustrphobic. This needs professional help.

    Hopefully if you work on one of the aforementioned, it may help resolve this as a ripple effect
    Best wishes
     
    Last edited: Feb 20, 2020
  5. kkrish

    kkrish Finest Post Winner

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    Hi @AmulB
    It is like meditation at times. Some days I sit in the puja room and with eyes on the deities, talk in my mind or as a low mumble. I have to be alone.
    Some days during my lunch break, I go to my car, close my eyes, bring the vision of Ganesh, Durga, or whichever deity comes to mind,,and talk loudly.
    No particular method.
    I just do what i feel like depending on the gravity of the situation.
    Generally i am a positive person, so these instances are not frequent. Only when things are really troubling.
    Not sure if I helped you at all.
     
    Last edited: Feb 20, 2020
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  6. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello: The road to future or and progress is ahead but only if person is forward looking. Venting with any Tom & Harry & bottling up negative thoughts not at all good for psyche and body.

    2. It follows one has to banish negative pasts by brooding about past +es which can be anything like holding hands of parents on either side and let the waves approach one’s feet on the shore - making it wet and recede to winning scores in schools in academics or and sports and even the best silent moments during one’s honeymoon. The examples are numerous.

    3. Feeling to vent emerges as and when a series of issues could not be handled in time which again result of other factors such as fear, lack of decision making etc.
    Question the venting-thought as if it is approaching , “hey what good you can cast on me - of what use you are to me - get lost” and then switch thinking immediately to any positives happened in family or in Nature or some panorama. One would find the urge to vent and associated burden of negatives impacting diminishes over period of time.
    With this practice one finds Killing the urge to vent turns out easy.

    4. If one venting-thought bothers one while I am on a job, Should try to switch to another job and while doing that another, one may get in flash better idea to tackle the previous one. The urge to vent vanishes.

    • Even splitting headache can be cured by this method. Just switch to another physical activity or hobby would give immense relief from headache. One may even wonder how the ache vanished!

    5. One should not be carried away by the enormity of the problematic venting -thought but fragmentize it and attempt dealing with small fragments.
    “ If I vent to him or her, eventually would it be of any help; it would provide grist only to the gossip mill.” Thinking in this manner Progressively one would have found the urge to vent totally disappeared.
     
    Last edited: Feb 20, 2020
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  7. sarvantaryamini

    sarvantaryamini Gold IL'ite

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    Yes, very true.
     
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  8. sarvantaryamini

    sarvantaryamini Gold IL'ite

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  9. sarvantaryamini

    sarvantaryamini Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you @kkrish for your kind words. All I can say is, I was doing good, then something struck hard, a kind of realization, let's just say I deviated from my spiritual path and gave in to fear. Right now, it looks worse than before, mostly because of the venting that I did in the recent past. It is just that I am now trying to address the situation instead of being a helpless onlooker. And the first step I see is to not talk about it anymore. But whenever I think I am drowning, I start unloading, which I think I should definitely control. And yes, I should do something instead of worrying, fretting and talking about it.
     
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  10. sarvantaryamini

    sarvantaryamini Gold IL'ite

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    abc
     
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2020

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