1. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

How To Remain Calm....

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by messedup, Sep 20, 2019.

  1. messedup

    messedup Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    614
    Likes Received:
    1,045
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    Thank you for the reply sir. I am answering all your points one by one below.

    She helps as per her mood and time.

    Will try to find out sometime for myself. It's actually required. Thanks

     
    Viswamitra likes this.
  2. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    9,290
    Likes Received:
    22,786
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    One thing helped me in a similar time was to write down all that I do in a day and week. Now, the first thought will be that how can a person already so busy find the time for one more activity? The answer is that this compilation won't happen in one day or one week. Do it like over a month. Download a time-log sheet that has space to enter your tasks in 15 minute intervals. Make copies for each day. One sample attached below. Write down every thing you do. Phone calls, planning for birthday party, conversation that lasts more than 10 minutes. There is no compulsion to record everything each day. Do the best you can to track the day. After couple of weeks, you will have a fresh respect for all that you accomplish, and more patience with your occasional impatience.

    But really, the best time investment for people at such busy stages of life is daily meditation. Ten minutes is good, twelve-fifteen beautiful.
     

    Attached Files:

    Anusha2917 and messedup like this.
  3. messedup

    messedup Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    614
    Likes Received:
    1,045
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks for the reply. Maintaining a diary seems good but can't say how it will be possible. Will give it a try. It actually helped me last year to lose weight. I wrote down my diet of few days which helped me realising my daily mistakes. I do the diary entry to plan ahead and to calm down my mind but making a regular entry I never did. But can try. For meditation also it does not last long but sometimes in life demands more of it then I start doing this otherwise I don't .
     
  4. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    4,097
    Likes Received:
    4,536
    Trophy Points:
    315
    Gender:
    Male
    @messedup
    I read your post and foregoing positive responses from fellow IL'ites. Their expertise shines through their FB. You must try those to improve upon your organising your day to day routines.

    2. This is the picture almost in all homes in joint family set up.
    3. Some young and nice MILs & FILs seen escorting kids from & to school: enroute visit temples and friends in neighbourhood. This is the time grabbed by SILs for their personal and or productive work such as yoga meditation news paper reading or news channel watching. They line up preliminaries for lunch and even evening snacks. Next within an hour finish kitchen work food on the table go for bath followed by prayer and provide lunch to parents in law and later finish her diet!
    Afternoon naps avoided ( this helps preventing weight gain obesity and belly formation SAHM to note)
    5. Food for kids set in table away from tv to help them concentrate on colour aroma of food . While children watch cartoons, Sil will browse only for essentials followed by some hobby like knitting or solving puzzles sudoku embroidery tailoring and such simple entertainer cum brainy work. Evening half an hour for walk either on terrace or around the compound or in nearby park
    6. An hour dedicated for family togetherness in the evening before commencement of soap .
    7. Half of dinner already prepared along with lunch food and a little more which should take half an hour preparation - you are ready for dinner.
    8. Enjoy dinner together around dining table. Should avoid as far as possible family members eating one by one. But be guarded about unnecessary comments or reply around dinner time.
    9. Calm mind collective eating would help digestion . Plan once and follow it. One can have a timetable for domestic chores as in school for teaching different subjects.
    10. A family friend of mine invited my spouse to their house for weekend.
    I saw in their rooms small white boards and even around wash basin near bath/wc. Small notes written over there. Even small quotes which their children willynilly learn by heart. Whoever goes out see the bulletinboard and remember the listed items there in to be collected or gathered from outside. Sundays hub and spouse go out early morning to beach finish breakfast on the way and bring parcels for those at home.
    11. Sometimes removing clutter and rearranging kitchen shelves table and furniture keeping in view time and motion might add or improve zest and dampen anguish or anger.
    12. Once in a while angry will have effect on children . Often angry will strength gets depleted and children might ignore such parents in the long run. One would Use carrot and stick cautiously & carefully.
    Regards.
    God bless.
     
    Last edited: Sep 24, 2019
  5. messedup

    messedup Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    614
    Likes Received:
    1,045
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    I was waiting for your reply. Thanks for this. I know organising and going with routine is necessary for smooth life. I am working towards that. But it's a long way for me. I was the one who did nothing at all before marriage. A very pampered and adamant child I was. Now the things I am doing are totally different. Growing with time but has to learn a lot more than a normal person. I really get very useful guidance and will try to adapt these habits but it will take some time and more of self realization which will take me to that path. But this is a blessing to have many people coming and guiding with all their experiences in just one call. Nothing can describe this feeling that we get by sharing things with each other. Thanks for being here.
     
    Thyagarajan likes this.
  6. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,234
    Likes Received:
    4,285
    Trophy Points:
    300
    Gender:
    Female
    No it’s not mandatory tat you have to do early morning. You can do this whenever you have free time.
     
    messedup likes this.
  7. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,234
    Likes Received:
    4,285
    Trophy Points:
    300
    Gender:
    Female
    I do Kapalbhati, Anulom Vilom and Bramari pranayama. I follow YouTube videos
     
    Thyagarajan and messedup like this.
  8. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    1,689
    Likes Received:
    5,150
    Trophy Points:
    383
    Gender:
    Female
    Is this the same as putting a "to -do " list and put a tick mark against the task once I finish it in a day ? I stick to the tasks most of the times. My small task like even "apply oil, call appa,take medicine " etc go into the list.
    I'm thinking to give it a try but feel how different is it from what I'm doing?
     
    Last edited: Sep 25, 2019
  9. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    5,079
    Likes Received:
    10,025
    Trophy Points:
    438
    Gender:
    Female
    Let me comment on here.

    Seriously, you are not doing so much to be worried or tensed at all times. You are doing close to everything that I do at home, with an active full time job going on in parallel.
    I don't get easily tensed or worried, but take time for me to rest and relax.

    I don't complain about you, but just give you some hints as to what you are now!

    I wake up at 5.00 am too. But I don't jump to the kitchen right away.
    I go to the bathroom, freshen up, go to the prayer room and spend 5 good mts there.
    By 5.15 am, I do arbitreck cycling for 20 mts.
    At 5.40 am, I brew coffee for all at home, and come to the terrace to have it, while watching the beautiful sunrise at 6.00 am.

    I cook B'fast and lunch at a stretch in the kitchen, and it doesn't take more than 45 mints for me. I keep everything handy, so that cooking is faster.
    I do the dishes while I cook, so I don't need a separate time for dishes and kitchen cleaning.
    While I cook, I make sure my children are awake, take their milk, elders (mom and my H) are awake, and had their coffee. (Just calling their names and reminding it is getting late)
    They all attend their morning duties independently, and I only had to supervise kids or remind H to supervise them then and there.
    By 7.00am B'fast and lunch are ready at the table.
    Mom packs for kids. H packs for himself. I pack for myself before I leave.

    I take bath, and start dressing up for work. I help DD to tie her hair, while H helps son with his tie and shoe lace.
    Mom supervise their overall preparation by reminding them to take the b'fast, lunch box, water bottles etc.
    At 7.20am their school van comes to pick them.

    I take B'fast relaxly and leave for work at 8.00 am. H leaves little later than me.
    If time permits, I would tide up the home, but overall I make sure no one messes up with the arrangements.
    Only the bed room will be messed up but we close it while we leave.

    At noon, I come home for lunch. Kids will be there too. H can't come as his office is bit far.
    Myself, mom and kids eat together. We serve our food from the table, and wash our plates at the kitchen. No additional work on anyone.

    On weekends I usually iron all our cloths through a laundry shop. So, I don't worry about that. Kids will wear their tuition kits, and go there by 3.00pm and come back by 5.00pm. By the time I am also home. So I help them change their cloths, take shower or play.

    I make tea and serve ready made snacks for all at home by 5.30pm when H is also home.
    We as family will chit chat for a while at the terrace while watching sun set (our home in in the beach side, so it is refreshing to experience that).
    At 7.00pm, we all go back to prayer room for family prayer.

    At 7.30pm I do simple dinner, if not we take away from outside. Kids will do their HM, and H will help them.
    Mom and H will take care of their school bag preparation etc.
    8.30PM we all will have dinner together. Everyone will wash their plates, glasses and if any at the sink. I will wash the remaining then and there while cooking.

    At 9.00PM kitchen is closed. Kids will go to sleep on their own. Mom too will join them at 9.30PM.
    H and I will have some couch time while watching Big boss till 10.30 pm. Then we will sleep.

    Maid comes once in 2-3 days to mop, clean, and wash the cloths. But there are days she doesn't come at a stretch and we do these tasks jointly as family.

    In your case, I noticed that you are attending to everyone's needs.
    Learn to raise kids as independent, and minimize your support for them. Like feeding, bathing etc
    Completely stop spoon feeding H and MIL. Let them do their work like serving food, washing their plates, washing their cloths, cleaning up after messing anything etc. Its not your work.
    Learn to combine tasks, like cooking BF and Lunch together, or lunch and dinner together. Serving tea for all at once.
    Learn to take breaks inbetween for you to rest and relax. Do exercise, yoga, sit in silence, read, browse etc
     
    Last edited: Sep 25, 2019
  10. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    879
    Likes Received:
    1,779
    Trophy Points:
    265
    Gender:
    Female
    I love everything from this write up...but I also know that not everyone is designed to be superwoman with crazy amazing timekeeping skills. You can’t change all at once, but please try to delegate tasks to other members of the family. I don’t know how old your kids are, but if they are above 3...they can feed themselves. If they can’t, delegate the task to your husband or mil. But I think it’s better for the kids to learn to be self sufficient. Cleanup tasks are family chores- for example, everyone should be responsible for washing their own plate, folding/ironing their own laundry, cleaning up the common areas.

    The help with the mental stress... physical work out. The best stress buster is working out. It’s seems crazy, since you have so much going on, how can cardio help? It can help you stop thinking about the daily stresses and get you focused on the burn in your muscles. And the first couple times are the hardest... but you’ll get a big energy boost and become wonder woman like ms SGBV.
     
    startinganew, Anusha2917 and messedup like this.

Share This Page