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How To Remain Calm....

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by messedup, Sep 20, 2019.

  1. messedup

    messedup Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi All!! I am facing this problem from sometime so thought of discussing it here to get the suggestions.

    I live with 2 small kids and h in a joint family setup. It's really not possible to maintain the exact routine daily. I have the limited fixed amount of time for each task. Like I wake up at 5:45 in the morning and send my elder one to school by 7:30 and yo and h by 8:30. From the moment I wake up my mind starts running like quickly do this and that else it will be late. And this goes on till night upto 12.
    Kids are naughty don't listen to me easily. Don't eat properly so most of the time I have to feed them with my hands. For hw also I need separate 1 hour atleast.

    Mil remain in different moods many times. Others feel that I am the person with lots of extra time and just show myself busy. I don't care for them most of the time but when other things of my part are not going well then I get irritated easily.

    I take care of kids very patiently but some days are there when they take away my patience and I shout on them that becomes the reason of fight with h as he don't like this. I agree to him but not able to control always.

    I am managing everything as per my capability but not possible to keep everyone happy.

    I just remain tensed worried anxious that I want to come out. Learned to have so much of patience but still lose it sometimes. What can I do for this?
     
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  2. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 Finest Post Winner

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    After 8 30 am to 12 mid night what activities do you do ?
    I thought if I know this I can answer your question regarding feeling anxious .
     
  3. messedup

    messedup Platinum IL'ite

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    8:30 I take breakfast. Then keep things at place that everyone left in hurry. Then start with my studies. At 12:30 make lunch. At 1 yo comes. Feed him change his clothes. Do lunch. 2:45 eo comes. Change his clothes feed him. Then yo sleeps for an hour and eo doesn't sleep. Finish other small tasks of clothes or dishes. Wake up yo in an hour. Then make them do hw. Make some snacks. At around 6:30 make tea. Then relax for sometime with small miscellaneous tasks. Then start with dinner preparations. Kids mil and me eats mostly at same time and h at other time. Then dishes cleaning kitchen. Iron clothes for another day. Pack bags of kids. Fill all water bottles. Give milk to kids and make them sleep one by one. EO doesn't sleep during day time so he sleeps early. Then again one or the other miscellaneous tasks or something that h tells to do. Sleep at around 12 these days that was 1 or 2 few days back.
     
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  4. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 Finest Post Winner

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    I see you have a lot of activities packed with your kids' needs. And then husband and in law's needs .
    I see my cousin going through this . Two small kids and their activities and her office work. But I know her mum dad help her with the kids. She even said me while chatting with her that she wakes up at 4 am sometimes and takes a long shower because simply doing for the kids all the time stresses her out and she never gets any time to relax. Well that's her, just an example to say that with kids life is like this. :grinning:

    Coming to you - I'll go point by point.
    1) Can you keep a helper/maid to do the clothes and dishes so that your major work revolves around kids only.
    2)Club these two together. When you go to the kitchen for making snacks, make chai then itself. Enjoy your cup when kids eat those snacks and let in law's heat the chai if at all they don't want drink early or only want to drink at 6 30.
    3) finish half dinner part in the morning or during snack time. So that only minor work is left like heating subzi only or making rotis etc. Don't dedicate 45 mins to 1hr more separately for dinner.
    4) Apart from feeding young kids and having your dinner there's no extra work here. Husband will come n help himself and so will in laws. :grinning: just ask them if they ate the dinner.
    5) give it iron wala outside. It'll be a walk for you to go n give him and collect it back.
    If he comes at your door to collect, please do so every 3 or 4 days.

    Last but not the least. Take help of your MIL in cooking. Chopping, cutting Grating ,aatta mixing , making variety dosas for kids etc. A grandmother would be happy to do it. I'm not saying demand her. But request her and involve her in small chores, in doing small activities with kids.
    It's not impossible you can do it along with them.

    You have small kids and just because you are a homemaker (my assumption) ,you are not responsible for all the work in the house. Talk to your husband and keep a helper for your chores.

    Give yourself some waking /dance/yoga/Zumba/medidation etc etc time and see the difference in your energy and patience level.

    Regarding shouting at kids and husband not liking it, OP you are the mommy and taking full care of them for the whole day. Doing so much of activities is never easy. In fact sitting in office and working on fixed targets is less stressful than managing all the chores one after another, back to back . So I would say your small irritation is a valid one and happens with everyone. Just pat yourself on your back for doing so much and on top of it you want to improve at certain places .

    Good luck. And I hope by tweaking your activities here and there, you feel better. :)
     
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2019
  5. UmaSmaheswari

    UmaSmaheswari Silver IL'ite

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    WOW Anusha mam :clap2: superb suggestions.........You r really the finest post winner
     
  6. UmaSmaheswari

    UmaSmaheswari Silver IL'ite

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    mam it seems these suggestions really works out.......try and win :thumbsup: and have a happy life
     
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  7. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    She is good; isn't she?
    I would nominate her post for The Finest of the Month.... but then, she already has that red ribbon that says so.
    We will have to wait till she loses that red ribbon, so that we can nominate.... or the IL forum has to devise some new rule to make a double red ribbon category for the finest of the fine posters. Sort of like creme de la creme of posts.
     
  8. UmaSmaheswari

    UmaSmaheswari Silver IL'ite

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    Well saidma
     
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  9. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    Uma,
    welcome to the forum.
    Follow Anusha2917 (@Anusha2917 ) and you'd be surprised how much older/mature she sounds considering she is so young.
     
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  10. messedup

    messedup Platinum IL'ite

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    At first I thought she might be doing extra tasks. I too wake up early for this but not that much early. During weekends too I wake up so that I can bath with peace without kids shouting from outside for one thing or another.

    Your suggestions are good but there is no possibility of any such changes due to various reasons.

    Please suggest me some ways to control the mind not to overreact so that I can be more patient. Thanks for taking out your time for me.
     
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