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How to prevent remarriage of a domestic violence prone man?

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by NainikaSomaiya, Dec 2, 2009.

  1. NainikaSomaiya

    NainikaSomaiya New IL'ite

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    Hi,

    One of my friends has just got divorced in 2008. Her husband and her in laws together were harassing her physically and torturing her mentally for dowry. Now , this man is ready for another marriage. How to prevent another girl from getting victimized from this person?
    Hence, How to prevent remarriage of a domestic violence prone man?

    Kindly let me know the solution as soon as possible.
    Regards,
    Nainika
     
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  2. bhuvnidhi

    bhuvnidhi IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Nanika,

    It is a very good thought and very nice of you to post this thread.This has been haunting me for a very long time.Men do get away with everything and the women are the ones who struggle generally in such cases you have mentioned.These men just get ready for another marriage without any guilt.

    Even his mom supports it.What a great mother:rant.

    I would suggest your friend files a complaint against them so that they are in Jail atleast for feew years and make sure that the same comes out in TV and newspaper also.Atleast another women will be spared.

    And last but not the least , if he is working in an organisation/office , make sure his collegues and boss knows waht kind of a person he is.

    Just my 2 cents.
     
  3. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Nainika

    Though you have asked a valid question....I am sorry to say I cant agree with the points given by bhuvnidhi here..(sorry dear Bhuvi!!!)

    Reason...The onus is on the girl and her parents to do a thorough check when they are getting their daughters married to a divorcee/widower...If the parents just want to wash off their hands by marrying off their daughters to someone...then again the same story is repeated...(dont we agree that there are such parents who just want to see their daughters married and wont bother even if their daughters are going through hell at inlaws place??still they wont support their daughters...)

    So even if people are dragged to courts/ advertised on newspapers/TVs after few days everyone forgets the incident...and carryon to lead their lives...how many such faces do we remember tell me???


    Girls also before getting married, instead of just nodding heads to everything and anything , have to speak up , ask some details and confirm the same before marrying. it goes the same way both for guys and gals...when they are marrying a divorcee/widow/widower...I understand there may not be any link to us iwth his/her past, however taking a precautionary step wouldnt hurt...do ground work before committing to anything

    There was this post from our Ilite friend...Tashidelek2002 (Tina) where she did come across such a man who was claiming he was innocent etc, she did her background work and she was saved finally....she came to know that the guy was arrested etc...(If she had beleived him blindly...without checking for the validity of the info what would have happened????

    I was searching for her post couldnt track it..but it always helps to know/research what are we getting into...
     
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2009
  4. bhuvnidhi

    bhuvnidhi IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Srividhya , Thatz okay dear!Need not say sorry.We are here to make healthy discussions/arguements and we bear in mind that the poster should be benefitted.I always admire the way you analyse the problems.

    Coming back to the post.I agree that we definitely need to do a check before we enter into any type of committment.During my marriage , my parents and relatives went to an extent of contacting the Indian embassy here at Qatar to know about my DH:rotfl:hide:.My parents are always extra careful.I am happy that he turned out to be such a sweetie.:kiss

    But my point is that "such" guys should not be left unpaid for their atrocities .He should be punished and exposed to the society.In this way , atleast few people who do the basic interogations will be benefitted.I have a close relative who is as extra careful as my parents and almost all my relatives were involved in "checking" on the guy.He was given a "good conduct" certificate also.But when the girl stepped into the family it was a total disaster.
    The guy thinks that men are the boss and he had every right to beat and kick the wife and she is a slave.The PILs are very nice but he does not listen to them.Now the girl is in my uncle's house saying that she does not want to live with that animal(BTW, before coming back to the house she has kicked him literally and slapped him).

    Srividhya,What will we do with such cases?I am pretty sure if this guy applies for a divorce he will paint an innocent face for himself unless he is exposed brutally.
     
  5. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Yep totally agreeed...Man/Woman always try to put the best foot forward when getting into a relationship. However, giving some details and being truthful to each other saves lot of heartburn later.
     
  6. NainikaSomaiya

    NainikaSomaiya New IL'ite

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    Hi,

    Bhuvinidhi,

    Your reply was very reassuring. I totally agree with you. But I want to know if there is any law or NGO that can help in such an issue. I think, a very well directed step is essential in this matter.

    Srividya, I would like to tell you that men in India are given all the liberty. They are even allowed to beat their wife whether she is right or wrong. This is not what I want my next generation to go through therefore, a small attempt to curb it needs to be done by me.
    :notthatway::bang
    Nainika:x
     
  7. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Your thought is good..and also acheivable...however we have to put such principles and values in a boy/girl from the childhood, we cant put a adult in jail or on news papers and force him/her tochange...forcing never brings change..rather they start to resent the person and the surroundings and they run away or separate from the person who caused all this...Rather if we teach our kids what is right/wrong and live those values ourself, we lead by example and its easy for the kids to understand and live those values when they growup
     
  8. tashidelek2002

    tashidelek2002 IL Hall of Fame

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    I have to say that although some might believe a posting about the bad behavior of some guy, it has been my experience that whoever the new woman is, she will tend not to believe anything. You see the women who marry guys in prison, or ones that have a bad one and constantly think "but he says he loves me" or those that just think that the previous woman is just getting even after being dumped. And there is also a large contingent that think that asking pertinent questions about something as serious as a marriage just isn't nice. Until folks smarten up I don't see things as getting better. Perhaps the process needs to have better guidelines.
     
  9. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Nainika, i guess your frnd shud move on in her life... if her separation got over in good note then there's no point in wondering over other person's life... there's always a second story to the coin.

    Even if thats bad then also no rule or law says that a person cant improve else there wud have been no life imprisonment & just death penalties. If the guy or his fly has a need for him to get married then nothing can stop him.. his behaviour can improve only with his self consiousness.

    She shud even give up this thought since if the guy files a defamation suite against her.. she'll be in a bigger soup... pls ask her to leave it to the destiny of next gal & onus to her fly... unless that family approaches her for her views.
     
  10. shailey1

    shailey1 New IL'ite

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    I think the first wife can save the next one from being cheated/harassed in the same way by citing the real reason for divorce in court and not letting him get away with a divorce on irreconcilable differences or mutual consent. At the very least the future wife and her family will probably ask to see the divorce decree to make sure that he is legally divorced and is free to marry again. At that time if they see the reason they will have to make their own judgement about whether to marry a person with these problems.
     

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