1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

How to overcome infidelity

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Den, Dec 8, 2011.

  1. Den

    Den Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    45
    Likes Received:
    36
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Gender:
    Female
    My world is crumbling. My husband had an affair with a friends wife and confessed because she would otherwise tell me. Its a year, and he has been supportive but all of a sudden I recd an email. To cut it short, he was not satisfied with me so was having sex with her. Its opened up a lot of old wounds and its awful going thru that pain. Anyone in a similar situation and how do I cope up? I have two lovely children 15 and 10 and I do not wan to disturb their world.
     
    Loading...

  2. RJMK

    RJMK Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    187
    Likes Received:
    138
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    This is outrageous.Hugs to you dear.Does the friend know about this that his wife is also cheating on him.
    I cannot advice you much here.But will definitely remember you in my prayers.Lets see what advice our other Il friends have to give.
     
    1 person likes this.
  3. priya g

    priya g Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    146
    Likes Received:
    9
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Female
    what do you mean by "he was supportive"? When did you come to know of all this? I guess all this became known a year earlier and things settled down..now again you have received a mail. Just check if this is all true.
     
  4. Brinda1

    Brinda1 Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    130
    Likes Received:
    23
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Gender:
    Female
    No advice, but its definitely not the end of the world. The best that could happen is that your marriage becomes stronger, the worst is that both of you will ultimately become happier. Trust in God. Bhagwaan sab theek kar dega.
     
    1 person likes this.
  5. Den

    Den Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    45
    Likes Received:
    36
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Gender:
    Female
    Thank you for the comfort. Mine is a unique story. My husband and her husband were friends and we met as family friends as well. Only later when she started chatting with my husband did she reveal that her marriage was an arrangement(open marriage) as her husband had another woman. ahe cld do as she pleases and I had some health issues then with a less active sex life my husband got entangled. The pain I have gone thru this past year is awful. Nothing makes sense. My husband is remorseful and regrets but for me my marriage and kids were my world.
     
  6. ivlakshmi

    ivlakshmi Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,437
    Likes Received:
    711
    Trophy Points:
    208
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi Den,
    As u r saying tht "u recieaved an email".. who sent it to u?
    It is clear tht this lady and her hubby is open to hav relation ships.. If she has kids then try to "tae all the proofs and tell their children tht u hav ur own family and let tht bitch not to disturb u".
     
  7. IndianFunTube

    IndianFunTube New IL'ite

    Messages:
    209
    Likes Received:
    198
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    [JUSTIFY]Is your husband perfect? Has he always been there for you? I'm sure your answer will be no. So, why not suggest to him that you'd like to have an affair too to nullify his? If he thinks that having an inactive sex life is reason enough to cheat, the same should hold for you as well. Simply put, there is absolutely no excuse for having an affair. Now, he is remorseful and regrets it as you've mentioned. Try to make it work. See if there are any changes in him. If he genuinely repents his action, he will try to make things better for you. Wait and watch and then take an appropriate action.

    Further analysis:
    Why would a woman reveal that she's an open relationship with her husband to anyone but another couple who're in an open relationship? Looks like she could see your husband as a potential target who'd fall for her or maybe your husband's behavior made her believe he could be looking for something from her. [/JUSTIFY]
     
    Last edited: Dec 8, 2011
    2 people like this.
  8. Den

    Den Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    45
    Likes Received:
    36
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Gender:
    Female
    Further analysis:
    Why would a woman reveal that she's an open relationship with her husband to anyone but another couple who're in an open relationship? Looks like she could see your husband as a potential target who'd fall for her or maybe your husband's behavior made her believe he could be looking for something from her.


    I never saw it this way, but from my 18 married years I know that if anyone sweet talks him, he gets carried away. She gave him a lot of attention. It was a long distance relationship and he did visit her town on work issues and hooked up with her for sex. She has a 9 year old son and her husband is a nice person and when I first visited I thought all was OK. Her husband and my husband were friends. But can you imagine what goes on behind closed doors. Who can I trust now? They seemed to be a normal married couple but so much beneath the doors. My husband is addicted to smoking and he has never been able to give up for the past 24 years nor would ever give it up for anything. He said he is going to give it because of all the mess that he has put me through. I am just numb currently. Thanks all of you, such a great place to vent and such an informative site
     
  9. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    7,302
    Likes Received:
    941
    Trophy Points:
    270
    Gender:
    Female
    wooooaahhh!!! see the thread in this forum...(talking bout 8 yrs and then divorce...)...MEN BLAME their WIFE for EMAs....its just the NORMAL pattern//////

    nothing wrong with you.............he thought he would never get caught...and eventually he had to open up and confess as he was scared the other lady might throw more dirt on him....and now he is blaming you for his faults....

    Are you working??is there a possibility to temporarily live away from this guy.....reason..you got to be emotionally stable before you even think about what to do with this man....

    Or...ask him to come to therapy and then talk about how much he was unsatisfie dwith you..that too after having 2 kids...crappy nasty guy.

    i dont know what will the kids learn from this characterless man (am not trying to abuse him here..but its just so clueless why men get into EMA and isntead of accepting the msitake and openly coming about it..rather they turn around and blame the wife???? as if these men are gods and never made any mistakes...and the wife who is trustworthy and was committed all thsi while is the devil??

    Just stop interacting him for a while until he comes to therapy..(if you still want to live with thisman)
    if you need more time to decide the next steps and get to normal state...take a break...have avacation go to your aprents or siblings house with your kids....for holidays...for couple of days...

    whatever you do...just calm down and as you said you have 2 kids to take care of...be strong. and be brave...he might be the nasty father...but you are the committed mother all this while and am sure you will find a way out of all this....to figure out a solution...you need peace of mind..calmness and some rest to your racing thoughts.
     
    4 people like this.
  10. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,921
    Likes Received:
    2,465
    Trophy Points:
    308
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi Den,
    Why not call a spade a spade and call your DH characterless instead of blaming your health? As long as a wife continues to shoulder the blame the DHs affairs this will continue. Next time round hubby can say that wife has grown old so he wants a younger partner.
    Your DH is taking you foregranted thats all. Now you are sitting and excusing him because you were unable to satisfy(?) him.
    Birds of a feather fly together. If your DH is friends with a couple having an open relationship then beware he may repeat it as its no big deal for him and pals.
    It will be difficult to trust him again, obviously he will continue to pacify you , blame you and continue to have fun since its out in the open.
    He will not let you go or separate because he needs you for his kids , running the household and will also need you in approaching old age.
    Break the friendship with the fun couple at once.

    Get some property and cash transferred to your name, this works better than tears.:thumbsup
    The loose woman and man must be having multiple partners. Get checked for STDs and worse.
     
    6 people like this.

Share This Page