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how to manage with inlaws smartly

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by simpleton, Aug 6, 2014.

  1. simpleton

    simpleton Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Friends,

    I am mom for a 1 yr old daughter and I work in US.My inlws came and stayed with us for 6 months.My FIL left for India in 2 months and mil stayed for 6 months.She really gave me a tough time during her visit. She was continuously saying something or the other about my dress code(wear only churidhar,kurta,decent long tops in US not even long skirts becoz I ve become a mom,no caprice pants nothing),how to raise my daughter(giving me thousands of tips),always boasting about her DD and her family.Everyday after work,i come home in the evening,give bath to my Dotter,cook dinner,next day lunch and do all teh cleaning and still she always bullies me.
    I am interested in joining dance classes but i am not able to do(she doesnt like me dancing,learning swimming,playing sports) just be a homely girl and take care of the baby.i want dress up in the way I want,raise my daughter in teh way i want and do things in US in the way I want.She is very dominating and always eats late dinner,treats her DS so well and she says 'Son u eat everythign,we both dont want,we'll eat curd rice for dinner'.Who is she to tell that I dont want.
    Live and let live is my policy...She always brings up my marriage and says all negative things abt it and insults my parents and me.
    One day I said stop insulting my parents and u dont have rights to insult them.Immediately she started crying and made a big fuss to my DH and said I am disrespecting her.
    After all this she is going to come back again to US in 4 months it seems.
    i do not want her to come back...I want to live peacefully with my DH atleast for a yr and then they can come to see her GD.
    I had lots of bad experience with her but not able to pen down everythign.
    Please tell me how to handle this and make sure she doesn't come back in 4 months.
     
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  2. Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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  3. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Join the classes that you want to join before she comes.This will give you more time away from home.

    Wear what you normally wear .If you start obeying everything...the orders never stop.
    As for daughter's upbringing....listen....if anything seems useful to your situation..adopt it ,if not ,continue doing what you do normally.

    As for complaing about marriage....tell her it has been a long time now...how long is she going to go on about it.

    Don't listen to nonsense about parents.

    As for food...just say...I made enough for everyone maa...no one needs to eat curd rice only.Lets all enjoy.
     
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  4. sudharaghuraman

    sudharaghuraman New IL'ite

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    Better sit and talk with your inlaws keeping your husband besides u. discussing straight with them will solve many problems or atleast they can know your likes and dislikes.
    Take care and keep in touch:thumbsup
     
    Last edited: Aug 6, 2014
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  5. YoGirl

    YoGirl Gold IL'ite

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    Get her hooked to iPad and TV.
    Its so suffocating to have all under one roof esp if you live in small apartment and if MIL doesn't have any other timepass...
    May be involve her in cooking those indian sweets which takes time and effort..that way she will be busy and you can watch how those savories are made...
     
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  6. rainbowresh

    rainbowresh Gold IL'ite

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    Hey simpleton,
    U don't get bothered. Be respectful but stick to ur grounds. Just don't listen n obey to everything she says coz much more will come. Whatever questions u asked here to us , ask urself again n stop obeying like a parrot.
    See u do ur thing and live ur life the way u want.if she has any good suggestions about bringing up a child, take note or else don't bother to even listen fully. Don't crowd ur mind with unwanted stuff.
    I m not here telling u to disrespect but start ur classes whenever you want and whenever you planned for it. Wear what you are comfortable with...
    Hope ur DH is on ur side through this all. If he takes his mom's side try straightening out issues in a healthy conversation with him.
    Take advice but following what u want to is always up to u!
     
    3 people like this.
  7. kanthtx

    kanthtx Gold IL'ite

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    u need to stand up for urself ... u need to do what u like ... if u want to wear something or eat something or do something with ur kid,.. just do it.. be stern and firm and do what u like..
    independence comes from acting independently, not by expecting others to grant it,,,,
     
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  8. sunshine1970

    sunshine1970 Gold IL'ite

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    My therapist gave me great advice, agree with what she says and do what you like. This is the policy I follow now.
     
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  9. simpleton

    simpleton Silver IL'ite

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    Thank you so much all of you...It was great to get feedback from you all...Yes, that's what I am going to do.Get advice but act in whichever way I want...

    I will keep in touch through this awesome website..
     
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  10. TheUnhappyWife

    TheUnhappyWife Silver IL'ite

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    OP, YM has already provided useful tips on how to deal with your MIL. I shall only add the 'tone you need to have and atmosphere you need to create' around such conversations.
    Smile beautifully and then shrug off when she comments. Then leave for your classes waving her goodbye!
    Like a rebellious teenager, shrug off your shoulders when she comments and just say - Goodbye Mom, am off to the parlour or wherever.
    Just keep on saying - 'Oh is it, is it so ?' Hmmm......But do what you want to.
    Like the dark knight, with fingers on your lips 'shhhhhh' 'sshhhh, no ill-speaking about my parents, shhhhhh'
    Whenever she says food is not enough, just mutter philosophically - The Almighty has given us enough to eat for the day. So, let's eat xyz.....Kal ki kal dekhenge
     

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