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How To Manage Mother In Law?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Newbee1, Nov 10, 2017.

  1. Newbee1

    Newbee1 New IL'ite

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    Hi,

    I wanted to share my story and need inputs from you ladies..
    My husband has worked for over 7 years in US and has bought a huge expensive house for his parents in India. He is still paying EMI $3000 or more per month( this is my rough idea as he has not discussed this in detail with me yet)
    We have been married for 10 months and we have not yet discussed the financial budget as I feel it will send him a message that I am money minded and dont like his family.
    We stay here in a rental apartment that too is 1bed 1 bath while his family lives a luxurious lifestyle(3bhk flat, household help). Their expectations are very high like my husband should pay for their every trip to US,he should take care of maintainance of the house along with the EMIs,should buy many things for them( his younger brother keeps asking for iphone, branded shoes and whatnot). They can really afford these things but want my husband to pay for them. My husband is way too polite and sensitive to say No to them. He never buys anything for him, keeps wearing old stuff, we dont have good furniture at our place. I asked for TV after 4 months of our marriage(he didnt even have tv back then) he plainly refused to do so saying we cant afford to buy a TV.This makes me to resent them very much, how can they do such things with their own son? They know that financial conditions are not very good for us but wont stop leeching off my husband.
    One thing I also want to mention that we have bedroom problems as well,he has very low testesterone levels when I confronted him about it ,he said he has financial stress. Then I told him that buying a lavish house was a mistake because it is only affecting us. He didnt say anything that time but he started to avoid telling me about any finanacial matters as he thought I will not like it. It is true that I wont like it but it shouldnt be kept hidden from me just to avoid a fight. My husband is very defensive and doesnt listen to a word against him or his family. I now do not know how much sends back home, if has increased/decreased the amount after marriage, how much money goes into maintainance, his brother has sent a list of things to buy at thanksgiving sale which he has not shared with me.
    I cant talk directly with in laws because it will be useless. If they were clueless about difficulties we are facing here then it was worth discussing with them. But they know we live very basic life here and the financial stress also leads to troubles in bedroom as well but still wont take a step back.
    I cant talk to my husband also beacause I dont want him to think I am materallistic, he gets upset and doesnt talk to me at all. He doesnt even physical intimacy beacause of low testesterone levels. I do not understand how to deal with this. Please ladies , do reply to this post if you have any advice.

    PS: I am currenly not working, left a very good job to accompany him here, now I think that I should have stayed back home until he receives his i140 approval.
     
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  2. sarajara

    sarajara Gold IL'ite

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    New bee, dear I think you should have posted in a separate thread, never mind. You trying to find a solution alone might not be enough to correct it. We’re all not born philosophers or sadhus to think neutral and solve everything by ourselves.

    You And duh should go for a relationship counselling. That would help you better.
     
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  3. Newbee1

    Newbee1 New IL'ite

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    Sorry to have posted in a wrong thread but I am new to this and i was not able to start a new thread(it said - you have insufficient privileges to post here) so I posted here hoping to some reply..
     
  4. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Check out threads on this forum .A lot of people have posted on this issue and people have given ideas.
     
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  5. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Gold IL'ite

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    U need to log in . then u can start a new thread.
    About low testestorone levels, he needs to see a Dr.
    You can try to convince him to buy a house in his name. That way money going there will reduce
     
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  6. zeppelingirl

    zeppelingirl Silver IL'ite

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    @Newbee1 also make sure the house your husband bought for in-laws is going to be yours in future..

    my husband is younger one in his home.. and the house we live was bought by his parents but it was renovated by his older brother.. my BIL and family is in a foreign land, settled there with a house.. I heard my co-sister told my MIL indirectly once that they have got a house in India.. so now my in-laws convinced the house goes to his older son.. this story of mine is just to tell you how people are good in speaking their mind without offending.. I admire my co-sister for her boldness and the way she tackles the situation..

    you make sure the house in India is going to be yours later.. you can even steal my co-sister's same dialogue..

    also you can buy a house where you live like @Sunshine04 said
     
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  7. Newbee1

    Newbee1 New IL'ite

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    Hi,

    I am logged in right now still it says I cant post a new thread. Please understand me, I trying to get help from anywhere possible.

    Thanks for your advice. After 8 months and a lot of convincing from my end, he was ready to see a doctor.but things are taking longer as we get next appointment after 1.5 months only.
    As for buying a house here he is reluctant to invest in any form here. He gets very defensive whenever I try to talk on finance. I dont want him to think of me as money minded so I keep mum. If I comment on the house he has bought in India, he does not like it, also he now hides any transaction made(apart from regular emi) as he thinks I will object it.
    Whenever we have a fight he gives me a silent treatment for almost a week and makes it look like i am at the fault. So then I have to go to him to start a conversation. His parents are very much aware of this marital problem but still expect him to do everything for them.
     
  8. Newbee1

    Newbee1 New IL'ite

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    Hey,

    Thanks for your reply, I will look for a good time and will ask him about that.
     
  9. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Gold IL'ite

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    Whose name is the house on. Does ur husband have any siblings??
    Even our case the house built with our money went to bil .
    Is ur husband asexual. Why do these guys marry
     
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  10. zeppelingirl

    zeppelingirl Silver IL'ite

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    @Newbee1 hey, you will get a confirmation email to your mail account, you have to click the link there to complete registration. I guess you didn't do that part. That's y IL is not letting you to create new thread.
     

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