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How To Make My H Understand That I Would Like To Have Little Freedom On What I Like?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by zeppelingirl, Oct 14, 2017.

  1. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Don't send anymore pics to ur mil. Maintain a formal relationship with her
     
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  2. iamsrihere

    iamsrihere Platinum IL'ite

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    You definitely should put a full stop to all this controlling.. Your FIL drops you to office? Why? If you are mature enough to go for work,aren't you mature enough to take care of yourself?

    Once you give in,it becomes an ever repeating cycle..And does your husband follow all the traditions that has to followed by men? If no start,start reminding your DH and his parents about the traditions which he has to follow..Im not sure what traditions arethere in christianity for men..I read you goto church so assumed you are a Christian..

    Iam definitely not giving you ideas to create issues in your family but asking you to reason out with them
    .When they think you can go out to earn,why are they thinking you are still that immature girl who canbe controlled for everything?
     
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  3. abla

    abla Gold IL'ite

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    Nag him for a pair of diamond bangles .If he buys make sure your send MIL pictures of you wearing it :smirk:
     
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  4. AshMenon

    AshMenon Gold IL'ite

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    Wear those silly bangles... and 'you accidently bend them out of shape, cos you are not used to wearing bangles and slept with them accidently' :wink::wink: Let him get you a new platinum bracelet :grimacing:
     
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  5. Minion

    Minion Platinum IL'ite

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    You made a mistake by sending your pic to your MIL good that you have realized your mistake. You are newly married you should be spending your time to make your bond between your DH and you strong, you said he is away find ways to keep the romance alive in a long distance relationship.
     
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  6. maddysweet

    maddysweet Silver IL'ite

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    This trick worked for me. My husband or MIL never forced me but out of fear in beginning of marriage i used wear gold bangles, ear tops, small black bead mangalsutra.
    i lost ear tops many times coz while having bath etc i used to take them out in bathroom. Then i lost the stones on my stone bangles.
    so i used to tell my husband and slowly started taking off all the gold jewelry.

    One time i forgot my mangalsutra in my friends house on a trip. she had to post it. My husband or MIL never ask me even if i dont wear mangalsutra now. coz they know am concerned about loosing them so keep everything at home. Only on occasions i wear and not every day.

    So instead of arguing, go ahead and wear bangles. after a week tell husband you lost of one it at work place bathroom or at a shopping mall where you were trying some clothes.
    may be after you loose few gold items your hubby and MIL will stop asking you to wear everyday.

     
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  7. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    OP if you are competing with the inlaws, you are already fighting a losing battle. Don’t wage a war against them, instead try to focus on how to build a strong relationship with your husband.

    I was in your shoes in the beginning of my married life. I had a big mangalsutra that I was asked to wear 24/7. In those days (like in your case), I was naïve and used to send pictures and all. I used to remove my mangalsutra before going to bed as it was too big and too uncomfortable. I started wearing a small black-beads neck piece instead. All hell broke loose.

    I have been married for 10 years now and trust me, we have come a long way since then.

    Long distance relationships are very difficult. I can bet you, eventually he will listen to you. Its just a matter of time. I was an “outside” for the first few years of marriage. Once he gains your trust that you are on his side, things will change.


    I do not like it that he is not speaking to you for 2 weeks. I have been in this relationship of no communication and honestly, that sucks.

    You need to find a way to talk to him, even if it means you temporarily “lose”. Trust in any relationship doesn’t develop overnight. Relationships take nurturing from both sides. Break the ice and call him. This is not worth breaking a relationship over.
     
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  8. zeppelingirl

    zeppelingirl Silver IL'ite

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    Thank you for your advices.

    Today morning we chat a little bit. I'm the one who started the chat, and asked him to call me once he is free. After few minutes of chatting he asked me again if I'm wear bangles, I said no. And he started the fight. I avoided it. But he keep on hurting me in chats and finally told me that he doesn't want to speak with me until I wear those bangles.

    I'm kind of depressed today since morning. I'm thinking to give up now by wearing those damn bangles, but I'm afraid I will hate him from now on doing something which I don't want to do.
     
  9. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    THIS. you should tell him this. you have two choices here. Either stick to your stand and not wear them or wear them BUT make it very clear that you are one step closer to hating him.
     
  10. steve

    steve Platinum IL'ite

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    DIL is not a daughter.
     
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