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How to make kids understand?

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous in Parenting' started by manjubashini, Jan 4, 2012.

  1. manjubashini

    manjubashini IL Hall of Fame

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    Hello everybody,

    How to make kids understand not to buy too much of toys whatever they see and whatever their friends have?


    Eventhough its affordable towards money , i feel its not advisable to buy all the the things the see. If i try to clarify pros cons to my 8 year old son feels i m too stingy :rotfland i m the only mom who rejects his wishes . and says :rantall his friends parents are buying whatever they want. Nowadays some parents too dont think whether its necesary or useful to buy. such i m incapable to explain him.

    I would like to know the views of mom's over there how to overcome:hide: this stage.
     
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  2. HIMAA

    HIMAA New IL'ite

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    Important thing is consistency ,u should be soft but firm.Explain the rationale why u r not buying it for him..like" u have a similar toy in home/mom have no cash at present/mom needs money to buy toy for ur brother" etc.
    Never lie to a kid.Be consistent that is once you tell ur decision that should be final.Dont change it with others openion or kids compulsion.If you change ur decision in unavoidable circumstances explain the rationale clearly to the kid..that is "now i remember ur toy in home is damaged so we can buy this" etc.Never allow others to intervene ur decision.:)
    Gradually child will learn ur behaviour,,he willl start to adjust ...happy parenting!
     
    Last edited: Jan 4, 2012
  3. manjubashini

    manjubashini IL Hall of Fame

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    . Thank u Himaa. I used to be firm in my decisions and say u have already too much of toys and its not advisable to buy or if i say i dont have money he asks y u dont have money when other parents have it. He used to listen before now he asks too much of questions.
     
  4. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    manju,

    peer pressure and compensating parents make life miserable. it is everywhere..you find kids with xbox,psp.they visit others with the boxes luring the other kid.

    send return gifts, huge bar of chocolate for birthday and parties at pizza hut or mcdee.

    send juices to school..and on top there are other who discuss what movie they saw, what games they have, where are they flying to vacation..

    this is today's kids.

    what worked for my kids..

    i NEVER ever give in. i have never sent juices to school. i never send return gifts, no parties. i tell them, there are kids whose parents cannot afford this, and i do not want you to hurt the parents and the kids. i will not make life miserable for other parents.

    till date the maximum toys they had was upto 8 years and very few..i never invested much in toys..though they asked, i used to tell them that i would not mind buying monopoly, quizzes,but NO to guns or toys that depict violence..

    being firm is the need. do not let in. if he says the other parent buys, tell him that he is your son, and you know what is good for your son. if he sulks, tries to push buttons, he will do once or twice, but slowly he will listen..

    This is the age where you can teach him to look at the under privileged and not somebody who has everything.
    I made the kids contribute 100 baiza for every rial they spent on juices, snacks, sweets..and give for charity..slowly they learnt what was necessity and what was not needed..

    it may look too harsh when you read it..but it works...atleast it worked for me.
     
    6 people like this.
  5. kiranavvari

    kiranavvari Gold IL'ite

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    I think yes, being firm would work. My DD also pesters for many things. When initially I started saying No to few toys, she started to imagine that I wouldn't buy her anything. So she would not even agree that I am going to buy clothes also for her. I wouldn't buy even fruits also. For everything she used to cry that I won't buy anything for her. Later on, slowly on necessity basis, I show her up that something is not available at home which is necessary, lets go and buy that. Like that she started to realise that I buy for her all those things which are necessary. Still when it comes to toys, she looks into my face, if I buy or not. I take only those which are kind of quizzes, activity books etc, but not dolls though she likes a lot. I just hope she would slowly understand this as well that there are few necessary that I could buy whether it is costly or less expensive.
     
  6. manjubashini

    manjubashini IL Hall of Fame

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    yes shanvy, u can better understand the style of living here in Muscat. I too dont send chips, juices, etc etc in starting he was demanding for those too. But slowly i managed to make him understand. Now this play things. I too advise him things u mentioned. I feel this may pass too but he feels too much dejected and even he has said to some of his frnds that we are not rich and we can't afford for these. These made me to post this thread. Anyway thanks i ll handle the situation slowly.
     
  7. manjubashini

    manjubashini IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks kiranavari. I handle the situation in a better way.
     
  8. Srama

    Srama IL Hall of Fame

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    Manjubhashini,

    you seem to be on the right track! Like Shanthi says not giving in plays a very important role. So consistency is very important and I often catch myself telling my DS who is almost 9 that it does not matter what others have or do - we need to look at what we want as a family and if we just 'want' something or if we 'need' something. So we need to take that into consideration and make our choices - this does not mean you won't get toys at all but then you will not get them every time you ask. It seems to work and I also try to understand what is it really really he wants and what is it he asking just because he can! That will help too.

    Yours will certainly outgrow this phase, his priorities will change and so will his perceptions. But then the cycle will continue with gadgets for that age - so keep up that sense of perception you already have, don't buckle in and don't get emotional about what he speaks or says. He will soon begin to understand.

    The other thing that has worked for me is checking the price of the toy and tell my son that instead of that toy, I will deposit that money into his savings account (if too expensive, half of it), take him to the bank make a deposit and as he sees the savings grow he seems to appreciate it better. May be you can try it.

    Also consistently cleaning up his old stuff and giving away (once a year or once every six months) along with him will teach him as to really how much he has used a toy or a gadget.

    Thankfully these are all parental pressures faced by all of us and we can only learn as we grow!
     
  9. manjubashini

    manjubashini IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks Srama. Yes i do agree we parents have to face these problems . And its confirm too these are passing clouds.
     
  10. Varloo

    Varloo Gold IL'ite

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    Shanthi,
    I was about to say the same- when my son compares himself with other kids ( he does that very rarely) I tell him that I don't have to bother about them as they have their parents. My son should be what I want him to be.
     

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