How to make husband help around - query for a friend

Rajnigandha · Mar 18, 2014

Hi Ladies,

I have a friend. She is married and has a son. Her husband does not help him around at all. Both she and her husband has long work hours. Due to this she is not able to give time to her son for studies. The boy does not study with his dad. The son is getting complaints daily due to not completing his homework or not knowing something in his class.

My friend's husband does not help her around at all. She slogs every day and night and gets tired and frustrated. Due to which she is always angry and upset with life. She cannot quit her job because they need another income to make ends meet. She has tried talking to her husband but did not help.
She is a very dear friend and so I am worried about her and hence posting this query about her.

Please tell me what can she do.

TIA

lgirish · Mar 18, 2014

I am surprised to know inspite of living in a foreign country your friend's hubby does not help her (I presume they are living in us). Some men have a perception that if they help their wives around they would be destined to do it throughout their lives leaving very little time for themselves. They forget that if they don't their wives are burdened with domestic as well as outside work. They fail to understand that when their wives are ready to take up outside job to support the family they should be ready to share the household work of their wives if not honour them. Tell your friend to make him understand the situation. If she slogs like this this would show in her health. Thus the whole family gets affected.

Swethasri · Mar 18, 2014

Let her quit the job and take care of the kids for 6 months then her husband will realize everything. Women doesnt have to suffer for everything. They can divide all the household work but when it comes to kids both are equally expected to work together to bring up a healthy new generation in all aspects which 99%of men should understand. this my 2 cents.

anmolhai · Mar 26, 2014

She should give him 2 choices-----help her at home or take up 2nd job so she can quit her job and take care of house & child.

indoc · Mar 26, 2014

Agree with swetha.. ask your friend to quit her job.. that should teach that irresponsible idiot a thing or two.

Mahajanpragati · Apr 3, 2014

many time we woman have different concept of help then husbands...we feel helping with dishes or washing or cooking is help, forgetting the other areas here hubby may be helping like dropping kids to school, taking kids to sports activity,paying bills,buying grocery, planning holiday, adjusting with whatever is served at dinner, eating Take aways ,maintaining the family car, gardens or something..........
she needs to really see if hubby is not helpful in all the areas & then take step......if he does other things but does not help in kitchen the in my view she should learn to cope up...

Venala · Apr 3, 2014

Tell her to quit the job and take care of her child

guesshoo · Apr 4, 2014

She needs to give tasks to her husband directly if he won't play ball. Like, can you sort the laundry and load the machine? Please fold these clothes. Hey! I'm busy and the sink really needs to be cleared; could you do some washing up?

If sh gives small tasks, I guess he will do them

sweetypi · Apr 4, 2014

Your friend could try directly specifying tasks for her hubby, like helping the son with homework or ensuring that it's done, or dividing up tasks such as cooking and washing up, etc. It needs some patience and determination but it can be done. If she quits her job, her hubby might as well reduce his involvement further citing that he's the sole bread winner.