How to make egoistic and stubborn husband care for my feelings?

Hi all,
Im new to this website . But my marriage is already 5 Years old. Im in problem from past 5 years.
My husband is a good person but not a good husband. The real problem is his family.
His parents , brother and sister. All of them have created problem in our life.
They wanted a divorce between us. But thank god my husband dint say yes for their words.
But even now he talks to them and send money to them. His mother is the main culprit here.
She always puts something in his mind and he fights with me. I'll type all stories starting from my honeymoon untill this date.
We have a 3 and half year old son but still my husband has not changed . I'll type all stories from morrow.

 

I am in the same situation as you. My husband is the same, very, very stubborn and angry and thinks he is perfect. He never comes to me after a fight or argument, he makes me say sorry and will not talk to me until I go and beg him to talk. Its so hard at times. I tried different methods, but none works. He doesn't care if he doesn't talk to me for few days because he has got his own business and has staff working for him. all of them are ladies, he is the only man, and they are very well treated by him and he is praised all the time and they go out for lunch, laugh and talk about everything at lunch time. when he comes home, he does his paper work because he is determined to succeed in his business as he has all these people encouraging him. He doesn't seem to come to me for bed time, which I still find hard to understand. He has got his family and friends around. My family is far away and I don't have touch with my friends, which makes me go to him as I feel lonely whenever he stops talking to him. I left my job for him so that he can concentrate on his business, but he always praise his staff and accuse me of not being supportive.
He is behaving like this because he has got everything he needs, family, friends, money and hasn't got time to get bored. But life never remains the same. One day will come when people like him suffer with illness and loss that is when they will start to behave differently. In the meantime, my life continues to be a failure and I just live with him for the kids.

I am now trying to look for a job so that I can become independent from him. I feel a job will give me more confidence if one day I want to leave him and bring the children up on my own. I am also hoping to find new friends and colleagues to just chat and laugh and feel young again. I spend the past 12 years of marriage being alone, looking after the kids, cooking, cleaning, crying and longing for someone who can understand my feelings and make me feel happy. I have never been appreciated by my husband. He puts me down all the time, calls me stupid, nut case and tells me I need psychiatric treatment.

 

Molly, it sounds to me you are headed down the same road that I have been on for 23 years now; the "Married To A Narcissistic Husband" Road. He is not going to change no matter how hard you try, for he has no clue he is even a narcissist. My opinion, for what it's worth, is focus on YOU. Get your life together, regain your independence, get an account he knows nothing about to save for your life, and most of all be patient calm and quiet. Stand up for what you believe in and know that everything happens for a reason whether we understand or not. If not for the lesson we learn from it how could we become stronger and roar louder. Have every bit of confidence in yourself and never depend on another to make YOU happy.

 

Welcome in.club, and it always amazes me how easily mothers are able to steer their sons against wife, and how husbands are not able ever see it…

 

Hi,

I am sailing in same boat.Your husband wont change . I have learnt a hard way that you cannot change a person unless he is ready for it.if husband can realise his faults then only he will take efforts to change and love/respect you.
Unless he realises nothing can happen .
But at same time you can change your attitude accepting these things of your husband.
I am now a totally different person than 3 years back. I now have accepted my husband wont change and dont make any efforts to do so.I have made my own world of work, home, kid.
yes it affects me sometimes when i think of the life i had been thinking of while getting married. But I am trying to adjust by changing me for my son.

If you really feel you can do this till the very end of your life then only stay with him. Its very difficult to do once a kid is born and depends on you as parents.
So think clearly if you can do so accepting the fact that he is not gonna change for lifetime.
If its not possible, depends on your tolerance level, then its better to seperate .
So check how much you can tolerate, how much you can be happy with yourself/friends , without excepting anything from him.
since you dont have child its better stage to be in.think clearly and act

 

2 YEAR OLD THREADS!!!
Pls. see DATE of LAST post.

 

Yes. 2 yr old thread. But stumbled upon it. Just wondering whether Molly's issue is resolved or she is still putting up with her egoistic husband. Huh!! This reminds me of my friend who had a similar narcissist husband. She was working and still used to tremble even if she does a small mistake at home. Unfortunately her son turned out to be Xerox of his Dad. She was very innocent and timid and could not think of divorcing or leaving him. Well anyways one more psychopath is on the run(her son , I meant). My hugs and prayers for all those suffering and unable to find a solution to come of out the situation.

 

An eye opener for women who want to stay in abusive marriage for the sake of children.

 

but such threads should be closed na somehow.....New ILs do stumble upon such threads and post their commonalities

 

It is not just the sons but the daughters too. Children grow up with the impression that the relationship their parents have is normal and the way it ought to be. Therefore later in their own relationships they will imitate what they saw growing up. We all do this subconsciously and it takes a big effort to be even aware of the patterns that we are recreating. But that is the reason why dysfunctional families are passed on from generation to generation.