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How To Learn The Art Of Ignoring Comments

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by senoritaaa, Apr 25, 2018.

  1. senoritaaa

    senoritaaa Bronze IL'ite

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    HI,

    I am a very short tempered person , and many problems arise due to this. Irritating comments and actions made by Inlaws, during their visists drives me super mad and i reply back to some extent.

    NOw it is very easy for them to drive me mad and I knowinlgly fall into their trap .

    How to i overcome this ? I badly want to master the art of ingnoring and not taking to heart such stupid silly issues.

    Please help me .
     
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  2. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    It is good that you realize your problem. Others have nothing to with it.

    You have to take a conscious decision that you will not get irritated or try to ignore or dont take it to your heart. Then tell this to yourself many times especially when you know that you get irritated by a particular person. By practice and constant efforts you can master it. Be busy and active .

    Next time when you hear something you don't like, just take a deep breath inhale and exhale, then count to 1 to 5. It its sever case, resist your urge to reply else think well about what to say to a minimum level. Just smile or node your head and walk away. Be polite. Keep your standard high. Be confident.

    If you need to ignore a person completely, try to behave as if that person don't exist there. If you think a reply is not required, just listen, leave through other ear, but don't respond. Be busy with what you are doing. If they say something you dont like, give some excuse and leave the scene.

    If you really want to ignore a person you are not comfortable with- no eye contact, dont acknowledge their presence, act like you are busy with something else .Another way is acknowledge, talk minimum without showing any interest etc.. If you really like to talk, convey the needful in a calm and composed way. If you cannot, wait till you reach calm mind. Always be yourself. Behave normal. Relax and Take it easy.

    Only you can control what you do. Everything starts from our mind.
    If there is a will, there will be a way
    Good luck
     
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2018
  3. Naari

    Naari Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear OP, I was quite the same personality that you describe yourself like. I have been very consciously changing myself slowly. I have learnt:

    1) To try to respond less or pretend not to react or be affected when provoked
    2) changing topics or rooms can always be of help instead of trying to get back with an insulting answer
    3)and really imp one, always argue on merit ; if you get into personal attacks & insults you lose credibility and it comes back to bite you.

    Well for anger, I am quite short tempered myself so not sure how much & when it will change. But I am really trying.

    Btw, I do want to add that if one can defend themselves, it’s a great strength because you need nobody to cover your back. And that means nobody can take advantage of you. So, answering back isn’t necessarily a bad thing but pls make sure it’s to the point & not insulting.

    Good luck:thumbsup:
     
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2018
    Archanaanchan, Amica, Star25 and 5 others like this.
  4. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Gold IL'ite

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    Can understand..
    I have the same weakness..
    Whenever such comments are made I try to take a deep breath and calm down..I try to imagine what will happen if i answer back, that helps me to control the tongue to some extent.
    Small and trivial remarks I ignore and let them go..
    But not always, sometimes it becomes necessary to speak up and answer back...many a time I have noticed that if I'm silent the verbal abuse is more..standing up for oneself isn't wrong when the other person is wrong.
     
    parvathi1980, Amica, sindmani and 2 others like this.
  5. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    “Lose the small battles to win the war “!
     
  6. madras2018

    madras2018 Platinum IL'ite

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    Best way to ignore comments is to be out of earshot of them because ignorance is bliss. The minute you feel the situation escalating, please leave the room and go and sit in your room, terrace or even leave the house for a bit. You may hear comments occasionally because they may talk loudly, wanting you to hear them after you leave the room. Just plug in some music or watch tv. Tune out. Or talk to a friend. Or attend to some long pending task online.

    Try it and see if it works for you.
     
    Amica, Rihana, salad and 1 other person like this.
  7. sokanasanah

    sokanasanah IL Hall of Fame

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    There are at least two ways in which negative interactions drive us crazy. First, by provoking an unhelpful, rapid, emotional response (an outburst) from us in return to a provocation, and second, by providing material for unproductive rumination later (internal fret & fume, long after the event is past). Overcoming these detrimental behaviors requires, first and foremost, an immediate awareness of such emotions arising in us (emotional flooding). It is useful to recognize these unhelpful thoughts as soon as they arise in our minds.

    Awareness that allows one to overcome instant-emotion and a desire to 'act' precipitously and unreflectively is the job of the brain's prefrontal cortex. It is called the "Executive Function", the main elements of which are cognitive flexibility and inhibitory control (impulse control). This is the "inner-eye" that allows you to watch what you are doing even as you do it. In children and teenagers, or in people with some disorders (such as ADHD, or brain injury) the executive-function is not yet fully developed or compromised. In other cases, impulse control or inhibitory control is poorly learned or uncultivated (consider alcohol-induced disinhibition, for example). There is both a socio-cultural and a neuropsychological basis to acquiring and fostering proper executive function.

    If you want to avoid unproductive displays of anger and emotion, the first step is to recognize, immediately, when this is about to happen - in other words, your executive function needs to be sharp. Your inner-eye needs to watch your behavior and say "Hey it might be a good idea to hang back now, you're about to do something you might regret later." At that moment, you turn from an actor to an observer. This is why it is rare that you would rave and rant loudly in a restaurant - your exec-function is in a high-sensitivity mode, holding you back, inhibiting you. The goal is to extend this capacity to other situations in life.

    One of the best ways to cultivate efficient executive function is meditation, which, when done properly, can promote a non-judgmental self-awareness. (Also see: "Habits of Mind", "Non-Judging"). This non-judging applies to your own self. It does not mean that you ought to be OK with it when people treat you badly. It means that you learn to immediately recognize thoughts and emotions in yourself, as they arise, without judging them as good or bad. As you get better at this, your emotional impulse control will improve. Meditation is how you set aside a little time and a place to practise this.

    Just so this doesn't come across as too fuzzy-wuzzy, touchy-feely, self-helpy, here's a paper from the Annual Review of Psychology (2013), as optional reading. The paper is accessible and well-written. Highly recommended.

    Quote:
    "Executive functions (EFs; also called executive control or cognitive control) refer to a
    family of top-down mental processes needed when you have to concentrate and pay
    attention, when going on automatic or relying on instinct or intuition would be ill-advised,
    insufficient, or impossible (Burgess & Simons 2005, Espy 2004, Miller & Cohen 2001).
    Using EFs is effortful; it is easier to continue doing what you have been doing than to
    change, it is easier to give into temptation than to resist it, and it is easier to go on
    “automatic pilot” than to consider what to do next."


    :beer-toast1:
     
    Last edited: Apr 27, 2018
    Amica, icanniwill, Joyoflife and 4 others like this.
  8. priyasri15

    priyasri15 Senior IL'ite

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    Hi,
    i have beared so many insults from H and mil. I'm a student and so far these are the things that has kept me okay to some extent.
    1. If they speak something, i always try to laugh at them inside me but never shows out.
    2. Inside my head i scold my mil with all bad words but externally i never did. instead i have managed to leave the place as a mark of my self respect.
    3. I try to pamper myself a lot a lot and lot. i love doing make up and i try to do makeup and boldly get out of the house to meet friends in front of my H and mil.
    4. Keep yourself busy. this way even if someone wants to pick up fights with you, you can immedialtely sarcastically say keep it with you, i have no time and leave the place for really doing something.
    5. Do what you want to do. That will blow the ego of people who wants to insult you. Dont ask permission.
     
    Rosey2018 likes this.
  9. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    Before reacting, pause to consider the source.
     
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