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How To Identify 'mean' Person Or Camaflouged Person

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by Vedhavalli, Dec 14, 2019.

  1. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    Pls don't mock me for coming again the same topic. I'm still in learning curve to identify people who ask favors after some time.

    I came to know a person who's child goes to same school as mine.
    Her mom is a good aquitance, one time they have come home for playdate with high tea.
    They never called us back. I didn't mind.
    Almost daily we say hi bye in school.
    This is the background.
    Out of blue she called me to pick her child n keep at my place (she is an hr away), I asked to pick by certain time in evening as we have errands to run.
    Before picking child she called me 10 times, after picking up. I called her like 1 time she didn't answer. Also I texted her pick up by evening. The child told me mom said she would come at night.
    I'm totally clueless how people think they can ask me favors.
    How people are so mean, they have thier plans in mind, but hide it convenient way, lie on face.
    The mom isn't working, she went to out I didn't ask why what. But when I'm asking her to pick she wasn't replying back.
    Came at 7.30 pm I had told them to pick by 6.30 pm.
    My only question is how come they ask favors from an aquitance?
    Also they have an hidden agenda
    because my child goes to same school, but different class.

    Give me clues to identify such mean, camaflouged persons who only takes others for granted.
     
    vrikshakadali and Thyagarajan like this.
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  2. hermitcrab

    hermitcrab Platinum IL'ite

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    This is too much!

    Just say no, not possible. Do not give any excuse to anyone, any time
    Whether you are home or working, do not let people take you for granted. Always, say no to someone- first few times. No excuse needed. Don't think you need any excuse.
     
    Last edited: Dec 14, 2019
  3. KayKuyil

    KayKuyil Silver IL'ite

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    This is not just about agenda and all that. I don’t mind people talking only when they need a favor. If I can, I will and if I am not interested I will tell some excuse. But This person is plain lacking common courtesy. When you had told a time, it’s imperative that she stands by that. I hate this so called ‘Indian standard time’ and people using it as an excuse to get away with things. Can you identify such people in advance? Not necessarily. We just have to learn our lesson and keep such people at bay and decline next time they come asking for favors.
     
  4. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    The problem here is, she said she is an hour away would be coming soon. Then I found out she went to a Christmas party where kids aren't allowed. I feel cheated I can't confront as another person told me.
    So she made me baby sit free that too called at school leaving time posing helpless.
    My fear here is, if I say no to some genuine person I would feel bad, what if it was true.
    How do I find it's true or lie?
    I can very well say no.
     
  5. Mehana

    Mehana Platinum IL'ite

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    Oh yeah people are here try to use us...but as you said I am at the point enough stop...

    A mom ( she used to live nearby me but shemoved like 40 mins away) always try to ask for playdate when she comes near by home for groceries or for something else. Initially I thought she's nice to continue her friendship. Playdates happened at my home 2-3 times. Later I realized why she isn't inviting us to her home...I called her and said just me and my kid coming near your home can they have playdate...I asked her address ( she just told me I moved to this near grocery shop). She replied me saying I am unavailable now but didn't tell may be next time nor sent her home address till now.

    I tried 2-3 times and stopped asking her..one time when she had playdate at my house (just knocked my door without any heads up) she said just for an hour...but literally she stayed till dinner (8.30pm). Even her kid joined with my kid for dinner. I am fine on staying..but they don't do the same...

    I usually say to my mom I have to be careful with these relatives back in India. But oh man in USA I see lots of people like that too...
     
    Vedhavalli likes this.
  6. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    They themselves know next it's no, so they ask another person, like an array.
     
    Rihana likes this.
  7. KayKuyil

    KayKuyil Silver IL'ite

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    Very true. Such people are clever.
     
  8. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    :sweatsmile: I was seeing myself with the relatives thing with mom. In turn we face here.
    Yes many people are like this.
    Problem is we have to survive with such kind. We can't ask them back. If we ask they make 100 excuses and cutoff our relationship, we would be wondering what we did last.
     
    Mehana likes this.
  9. Rihana

    Rihana Finest Post Winner

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    :grinning::grinning::grinning: "array"

    Your compiler job in such cases becomes to throw (her) a Null Pointer Exception. But you fear that:

    Modify your aim. You cannot say yes to every genuine person since checking for genuineness of request is not possible at short notice in a phone call or last minute text. So, the aim should be to help those whom you know fairly well and with whom the helping is two-way. You pick up, they help in other way when needed. It is fine to say no to a genuine request from those you don't know well enough. They will find another option. People always do.

    There is this feeling of being used in such cases. From next time, any time a person is very late to pick up their child from playdate or after you babysat, be prepared to talk about it at pickup time. Send that child and your child inside. Speak with the mom about the lateness. I would conduct the conversation at the door itself. Firmly state what happened. And how it inconvenienced you. Don't blurt out your annoyance. Rather, ask leading questions. Look at your phone messages, and ask quietly, "You were going to pick at 6 pm?" She will say "oh traffic.." You will agree that 101 or 880 can be bad at commute time. Then, say "tried texting you.." And, end it with "I had planned to go out ..."

    The key is to hand over her child after you have had the difficult conversation. Smile, pause, be polite but get your point across. Never have these exchanges by text, only in person.
     
  10. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    One of the problems I see is the willy-nilly acceptance of responsibilities without proper insurance coverage.
    Unlicensed care of other people's babies will be full of problems. Refusing to hand over child until a difficult conversation happens is not at all safe for the OP.

    Declining to take the responsibility of someone else's child is a much safer option. Because she is not indemnified for the risks involved. Don't we use the dH (the man who doesn't allow us liberties to do what we really want) to refuse to do whatever it is that we don't want to do?
     
    Vedhavalli likes this.

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